Being cheated on is probably one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. I still remember how I went through one of the worst phases of my life, after being cheated on. Not only did it break my self-esteem, but also resulted in some deep-rooted trust issues. Dating someone wasn’t the same anymore for me, which made me realize that I really need to work on my issues before going back in the game.
So how to overcome trust issues after being cheated on? Honestly, it isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Though, if you have some patience and try to understand yourself, then you can certainly stop projecting your issues on someone else. Take it one day at a time and there would come a day when you would be ready to be with someone without any trust issues. I did the same and was able to overcome my issues with time as well. You can also do the same by following some of these suggestions.
- Acknowledge your emotions
First things first – start by acknowledging your emotions and accept the fact that you are hurting. A lot of people simply suppress their true emotions or try to overlook things. Ignoring your emotions might seem like an easy thing to do at that time, but it will only hurt you more in the long run.
You are going through a life-changing phase and there is nothing wrong with taking a break. Try to put a name on your emotions and sit with them even if it hurts you. The sooner you accept them, the easier it would be for you to overcome them.
- Talk to someone
When I was cheated on in my past relationship, the world around me came to a standstill. It was tough even to make sense of myself as I was finding it hard to trust anyone at all. While it could be a Herculean job, you need to open up to the people you trust. It can be anyone – a close friend, a family member, or even a professional.
This will help you take things off your chest and you would certainly feel a whole lot better. You don’t have to get romantically involved with someone else as of now. Just talking to a friend would be of a great assistance as it will help you trust others again.
- Forgive them (and yourself)
As surprising as it might sound, forgiving them will certainly help you. I’m not saying that you should just forget what happened. Make sure that you learn from the experience, but not let that change you altogether. A lot of people become bitter after going through an experience like this. Don’t let it cause any more pain and affect your future relationship.
Wish them well and try to move on. For a very long time, I thought that it must have been my fault too – that I should have done something to trigger it. Move past this feeling and face the facts. It was their choice and you need to stop blaming yourself. While forgiving them, make sure that you forgive yourself as well.
- Pamper yourself
This is something that I’m sure you will love doing. Indulge in something you like and what makes you feel content. This will help you take a step ahead and you won’t be caught up with your past. Read a book, binge a series, or simply take yourself out on a shopping spree. Do all the other things that make you happy so that you can spend some “me” time.
If you want, you can focus on your passion and make the most of your free time. In this way, you would be able to have a change of perspective. After all, a lunch or a spa date with yourself is certainly one of the best ways to relax.
- Get back into the game only when you are ready
When I was going through a rough patch, some people told me to have a “rebound” in order to move on. Trust me, it is one of the worst things one can do. Take as much time as you want to resolve your issues. You don’t need to start dating or even casually meet new people as of now. It might end up hurting them and make you feel guilty.
There is no need to even put a strict date on it. You will just know whenever you are ready to date. Don’t do this just because your friends are getting married or because your parents think that you should be with someone. It is your journey and only you can decide when to move to the next chapter.
- Stop comparing people
It is a part of our basic human nature to compare people. You need to understand that every individual is different. Just because someone cheated on you in the past, it doesn’t mean that it will happen again. If you would compare your present partner with your ex, then you will always be haunted by the ghost of your past relationship.
Whenever you go ahead and be in a new relationship, start fresh. Have a clean slate and always avoid making assumptions about others.
Suggested read: The Complete Guide On How To Fix Trust Issues In A Relationship
- Understand the dynamics of your relationship
Almost every relationship has a certain dynamic that keeps it balanced. One of the best ways to be in a perfect sync with your partner is by spending time with them. People with trust issues find it hard to take things ahead in a rush. Therefore, you should try to take things slow in order to know your partner from inside out.
An ideal relationship involves an understanding between two equals. Try not to dominate all the time, but be assertive as well. Know what you want and get to know your partner first before taking things ahead.
- Refrain yourself from crossing the line
If you have been cheated on in the past, then chances are that you might end up taking extra measures in your next relationship. This would involve checking their social media, being extremely cautious, and even experiencing a lack of trust.
You need to understand that honesty and trust are the foundation of every relationship. There is a line in every relationship that should never be crossed. Make sure that you don’t become too possessive else you can suffocate your partner.
- Communicate with your partner
You can’t really have a healthy and long-term relationship with anyone without communicating with them. I would strongly recommend telling your partner about the bitter experiences you have had in your past. Let them know that you have trust issues before you make things official.
We all have issues and it takes courage to accept them. Your significant other also deserves to know the same. It will help the two of you understand each other and there won’t be any unnecessary communication gap.
- Work on your jealousy
If you really want to know how to overcome trust issues after being cheated on, then you got to work on this. It is quite normal to get jealous of the people around your partner. Though, you should not let your jealousy drive your judgment.
The moment you feel jealous of someone, take a step back and analyze the entire situation. Always avoid making a rash decision that might cause more harm to your relationship than good.
- Don’t generalize things
A while back, I was discussing things with a friend who went through a similar situation. As she got cheated on, she started to believe that every guy is the same until she met the right one. Though, it took her a very long time to stop generalizing every man that she met.
You should stop making the same mistake. Just because you are dating someone from the same profession, or of the same zodiac, background, etc. it doesn’t mean that they are going to be your ex. Get to know them individually before making assumptions.
- Know that you can’t control everything
People with trust issues and anxiety would like to control the world around them. Sadly, it is something that can’t happen all the time. Instead of trying to be in control, you should choose to let go.
Understand the fact that there are certain things that you just can’t control. For instance, you can’t restrict your partner and stop them from interacting with others. You can’t just make someone loyal. People function according to their own will. Don’t drain yourself while trying to control things and let it go instead.
- Have some patience
Time is undoubtedly the most important ingredient needed to overcome trust issues. Give time some time. Things aren’t going to change automatically in a day. Though, with every day, you would feel a little better. Gradually, there would come a time when you will able to trust others with the whole of your heart.
You would be able to love again and won’t be haunted by your past relationships. Till then, just keep holding on and give yourself as much time as you want.
- Trust yourself!
Most importantly, have faith in yourself. While it might seem like the end of the world, you can get through it in time. Your trust issues can be deep-rooted and connected with something way more complex. It might have to do more with you rather than someone else. You won’t be able to trust anyone else as long as you don’t trust yourself.
Suggested read: The Only Rules Of Trust You Will Ever Need
At the end of the day, you need to understand that there is nothing wrong with having trust issues. Though, having severe trust issues might make it tough for you to have a lasting relationship with someone else. If you want to know how to overcome trust issues after being cheated on, then try to implement some of these suggestions. Remember, patience is the key. You have got this. Just give it some time, try to let go of the things that you can’t control – and you will be fine.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License