You might find a lot of information out there on how to dress for a first date or how to unravel the secrets of a long-lasting relationship, but when it comes to dating someone who has been through a rough patch, not much on cyberspace cuts it. Life is pretty unpredictable and we see the world around us changing at an astonishing pace. There are a lot of brave and fierce women out there who have been victims, nay, survivors of sexual abuse. As someone who has dated a girl with a history of sexual abuse, I can say with some confidence that it isn’t easy, but it is worth every bit.
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Her confidence always inspired me, but at the same time, there were a lot of things that I knew I needed to avoid. I have always admired her as a human and my love for her only grew with the passage of time, but it was definitely not an easy task. We had our share of ups and downs and I certainly got to learn a lot. If you want to know how to love a woman with a history of sexual abuse, you need to need to take care of a few things.
How to love a woman with a history of sexual abuse
You need to be a part of her journey
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Every kind of trauma takes some time to heal. You need to make sure that she could feel comfortable around you. Don’t let her give a reason to hide things from you. Start trusting each other and make sure that she is able to heal herself while being with you. She would be taking a journey and you need to make sure that you will always be there for her, giving her everything she needs to feel better.
Don’t avoid it
Often people think if they don’t talk about it, then they would forget about the entire incident, which is a false belief. You can’t ignore it at all. It would be tough for her to be vulnerable at first, but with a lot of effort and after giving your relationship enough time, you can certainly make her talk about it. Try to know more about the event from her perspective and experience her pain.
She will find it hard to trust you
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After experiencing such a life-changing event, she might stop trusting men in general. You need to make her believe that you are her exception. She would be damaged physically and emotionally. Our physical scars can heal easily but sometimes it can take years to heal our psychological damage.
You need to understand how tough it could get for her to trust another man. There are a lot of trust-building exercises that you two can do every day in order to strengthen your bond. Talk about your future and try to go out and meet each other’s friends in order to make her believe that you are here to stay.
Getting intimate
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After experiencing sexual abuse, she might create a wall around her heart. You need to break it with your efforts to know her better. She might start assuming that she is not wanted or loved. You need to kiss every part of her – the perfect and the flawed to let her believe how much you love her imperfections. Let her know about your flaws and get intimate. This will certainly make her feel better.
You need to avoid certain things
There would be a few places that she would never like to visit. There might be a certain scenario that would make her feel suffocated. She would revisit that disastrous moment while visiting a certain place or thinking of a few people. You need to know about these things in order to make sure that she never gets to experience her pain again.
One step at a time
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Sexual abuse changes the victim entirely. You need to make sure that you take every step as slowly as possible. Don’t push her or make her do anything she is not comfortable with. You need to be patient during the journey. Be with her and take every step with utmost care. Don’t think that you have to meet her halfway. Instead, you need to walk all the way down to her. But you know what? It would be worth it.
She would be so worth it!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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