People often make the mistake of assuming that love has the power to conquer all. That if you can love truly and completely, everything will work out.
The sad truth – love, alone, is never enough. NEVER.
Bummer, huh? Then how to make a relationship work?
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Making a relationship work is hard work. It takes two partners to lay a solid foundation on which the citadel of a healthy and happy relationship can be built. And just like they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, this does not happen the moment you feel the *feels* either! Plus, it takes more than the *feels* to build the relationship that can be your safe haven!
It takes patience (loads of it), friendship, compassion, care, and intimacy to make a relationship work – to find it, grow it, build it, and sustain it! But most of all, this process of creating and sustaining a thriving relationship – pulsating with life’s vital energy – takes ACCEPTANCE.
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Acceptance is an important part of making a relationship work. One cannot experience the pure, unadulterated form of true bliss without ‘accepting’ the need for true acceptance in relationships. It is only in real, connected, vulnerable intimacy that one can begin to unravel the gamut of ‘magical’ forces needed to transform the mundane into magical!
And do not mistake acceptance for resignation – it’s far from it. Acceptance is an undeniable requisite for making relationships work. It means understanding that true happiness in relationships can only be found when one embraces a few things as they are. And what are these ‘few things’ that need to be accepted when learning how to make a relationship work – let’s find out:
1. Accept the mistakes
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We are all human and hence, fallible. Mistakes are something that come as easy to us as taking a dump in the toilet! Okay, maybe not during those constipated days! But hey, that’s a once-in-a-while thing. 😛 So, if mistakes roll by every second day and you just cannot seem to wrap yourself around them – spending two more days to get ‘okay’ only to find that another one’s ringing the doorbell, S**T, isn’t it? The solution – accept the mistakes. Yours, his, and those of other people too. What – we are one big family, no?
2. Accept the apologies
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Accepting mistakes inevitably entails forgiveness. Accept your mistakes and forgive yourself, accept his and forgive him too! Accept that apologies are the more sincere expression of the fact that the person values his relationship with you much more than a flimsy win in the argument about which aunt of yours sang ‘There Is Love’ at the wedding!! C’mon, does that ohh-so-loving look in his eyes whilst he mouths ‘sorry’ a million times not melt you? It does, right? I knew it! 😉
3. Accept that things will change
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People change, so do the relationships they build. It won’t always be about rose petals-strewn walkways, candlelit dinners or kisses in the rain! There will be days when you’d be too tired to even talk, there will be days when you’d start questioning all your decisions, there will be times when the BIG changes might become too hard to reconcile with. Don’t let them weigh you down. Hold your partner’s hand and walk into the changes together. They will bring something new and enriching to you, as you grow, evolve, and change with the changes! Just remember – togetherness is key!
4. Accept that some things will never change
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Yep, the flip side of ‘change’ – some things will not change, no matter how hard you try; so don’t. Instead, just accept them. Accept that he will forget to draw the shower curtains after his shower. Accept that he will mess up your makeup drawer, fully convinced that his tie pin or cuff links are in there somewhere. Accept that the sink will be a mess, no matter how long-drawn the arguments about it, and accept that he shall never really listen when the game’s on. So, wouldn’t life be easier if you just stopped trying to fix things you can’t? Hell yes! So, do! There are certain changes just not in your power to control. As for the ways you want him to ‘take’ you, go ahead – the ball’s in your court! 😉
5. Accept the imperfections
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If you believe in finding a perfect prince, you’d end up kissing frogs all your life. No person is perfect. A relationship is built by two imperfect people who have the courage to own their imperfections, and strive to build something incredibly beautiful from it. Yep, you got that one right – a PERFECT relationship! There are no knights in shining armor to save damsels in distress! Only a rather pointed, jagged personality who’d lovingly fix eggs and bacon for you whilst you get your tiny tot ready for school! Aww … right? Comes with acceptance of the imperfections dear – coz he will leave the egg shells on the kitchen slab! 😛
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6. Accept the past
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These ghosts would continue to haunt you and your relationship if you do not accept them as your own! Accept them but do not invite them over for dinner! Make sure that you understand that it is in the past for a reason – let it be in the past. Make peace with whatever it was that was a part of it and never, ever broach it in between arguments or fights. You do not want bad blood, do you? These ghosts won’t stop at anything to make you wage war, even when you were kind enough to embrace them and bid goodbye!
7. Accept the mess
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Nobody has their s**t together and that’s friggin’ awesome. Instead of beating yourself up for it or worse, blaming it on your partner, just accept the mess. He is allowed to mess it up whilst trying to be the in-house plumber, go wrong with the kids’ diapers or even burn the butter! Don’t you have your ‘beautiful-on-your-head’ hair clogging the drain on those shampoo days? Or don’t you just make him sulk endlessly with your broken-nail emergencies or the bitching-much sagas? Call it even? Thought so! 😉
8. Accept the differences
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There’s a reason ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ really holds true. Accept the fact that we are different and that these differences shall manifest them in often-desirable and more-often-repulsive ways! Embrace it either way – the differences are good! These differences are what make life interesting.
9. Accept the expectations
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Yep, you read that right! Several relationship advice forums shall tell you that in order to make a relationship work, you need to let go of expectations! I call that bull. All you need to let go of is unrealistic demands. Hold on to your precious expectations of what you desire in a relationship. Keep them real and communicate them. Your partners aren’t mind-readers to know what you want. Tell them about it. Your love will live up to the expectations you have chosen to communicate! Really! Coz they love you!
10. Accept the flux
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Everything around is ever-changing. So is everything inside. Accept the fact that the person you chose to be with shan’t always be the same (well, not in every way)! The ticks of the clock shall make the ‘experience’ of love undergo a transformation too. Sometimes, it’d be too subtle; sometimes, as drastic as an earth-shattering ripple. Learn to accept it. Love isn’t always about ‘saying’ ‘I love you.’ His modes of expression might change too – so might your language of love. It is all a part of living love! Live it!
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11. Accept the learning
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Love is a great teacher. But not many of us are good at taking the lessons. One needs to grasp the ‘difficult concepts’ as easily as the ‘easy ones,’ and accept the ‘classroom teaching’ as wholeheartedly as the ‘tuitions at home.’ Only then would one be able to become truly ‘educated’ and ‘empowered’ in love!
12. Accept the love
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In your ‘choice’ to love a partner, you need to embrace the ‘real’ meaning of LOVE. And it implies an acceptance of love as they are able to give it to you. You cannot expect them to love you the way you know to love. Also, if they do not behave the way you do in love, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. Know this and accept it! It will help your love-boat sail a long way! And on calm waters!
13. Accept the choice
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Love entails ‘choosing’ your loved one every single day. This ‘choice’ must come voluntarily and involves ‘choosing’ your beloved fully – every moment, every step of the journey you undertake together. And remember that this choice isn’t an easy one to make, that there will be days when you’d question it and there will be days when your partner would. Accept it. You cannot make someone choose you, even if they love you. It will come out of love. Own it. Accept it. This is just one of the things you need to accept when learning how to make a relationship work.
14. Accept the good and bad times
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No relationship is always going to see sunny days. There will be days of torrential downpour, days when the storm continues to beat outside, threatening to enter your relationship citadel, and days when it will snow so you can go out and make snowmen later! Accept all such times – the good days will become memories and the bad ones reminders of how your love made you stick it out!
15. Accept your partner
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Coz love means accepting your loved one for who he or she is – completely!
After all, it isn’t for nothing that Sam Keen said, “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” And am sure if someone had popped a ‘how,’ ‘through acceptance’ would be his prompt reply!
And that, my friends, is how to make a relationship work!
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