There is nothing quite like our first love. It sets our soul on fire and gives us a whole new perspective of the world around us. Sadly, it doesn’t always last forever.
We all remember how we fell for someone the first time. After all, it teaches us what love is all about by giving us a hands-on experience of it. Just like you, I also distinctively remember how great that feeling was. My first love was also my first heartbreak and it took me forever to learn how to move on from first love.
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Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship can be the hardest thing to do at times, let alone the first heartbreak. It can change us on a fundamental level. This is why people find it hard to move out of that phase. They prefer to stay with those lingering memories than to create new ones. Though, if you give it some time and handle things pragmatically, then you can come out of it as a winner. Chances are that you might end up meeting something who would adore you for who you are. Here are some suggestions that can help you move on from your first heartbreak.
Suggested read: When Your First Love Breaks You
- Let it all out
When we go through a heartbreak, it can be an emotionally challenging situation. To be honest, there were times when even a song or a text was used to tear me from inside. A lot of people make the rookie mistake of overlooking or suppressing their emotions.
You need to understand that you are going through a life-changing phase and there is nothing wrong with being emotional about it. Instead of putting your emotions in a bottle, you should let them all out. Yes, you can always choose to share those emotions with the people you trust, but never overlook them altogether. Otherwise, they might end up damaging your self-esteem or would be projected in any other form.
- Identify your emotions
In order to learn how to move on from first love, you need to know yourself. Sit with your emotions and try to identify them. Are you feeling sad because the way it ended or are you just angry for what they did to you? If you are the one who initiated the breakup, then you could be feeling guilty as well.
There is a whole spectrum of emotions that you can be feeling right now. Start by identifying them so that you can understand your current state of mind. If you want, you can stay all by yourself for a while. It is important to be alone after a breakup as in solitude you can get to know about yourself like never before.
- Channel your emotions
Once you have identified your emotions, you need to channel them in one way or another. For instance, if you are overwhelmed with sadness, then find a way to let it out. Writing your feelings is probably one of the best ways to channel them. You can also listen to music, paint, or even watch the movies of your choice.
When I got my heart broken the first time, I wrote tons of poems about it. Now I knew, my writing literally saved my life. After all, some of the most popular works of art have come out of heartbreak. Let your broken heart be your guiding light and simply channel your emotions in a constructive manner.
- Accept the reality
Acceptance is one of the last stages of heartbreak, and hence it is quite tough to achieve. If you really want to move on, then you need to accept the fact that it is over. Yes, it could have been the best thing that has happened to you, but not everything is meant to last forever. Instead of being sad, you should be happy because you were loved by someone so deeply. It doesn’t happen to a lot of people.
Take a step back and rationalize your current situation. If you know that the two of you can’t be together and you have given your whole to the relationship, then you need to accept that it is over.
- Keep some mementos
Even though if your first relationship is over, it doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of everything related to it. Too often, people get rid of all the material things that remind them of their ex. While it is a personal decision, I would recommend having at least one memento of that relationship.
It will be a reminder of all those memories that the two of you have made together. Try to filter things a bit. Get rid of a few things, but consider keeping at least a reminder of how good you felt when you were with them.
- Forgive them (and yourself)
If you truly want to move on from the aftermath of your first heartbreak, then you need to forgive your partner. Try to think of the situation from their perspective. Even if they have made a mistake, you need to understand that they are only human. I’m not asking you to forget everything. Remember everything but don’t let anger drive your judgment. You can wish them well and still move on with your life.
At the same time, it is important to forgive yourself as well. A lot of us have been a victim of doubt and self-analysis. When my first relationship didn’t work out, I kept thinking that I must have said or done something wrong in the past. You need to understand that if someone wants to be with you, they will find a way. There is nothing wrong with you. Forgive yourself and move on to a better tomorrow.
- Give yourself some time
At the end of the day, you need to give yourself and your heart some time to heal. Getting over someone is a gradual process. You won’t just wake up one day and feel like you are completely over someone. It will happen at its own course. Each day, you would feel better and will be less broken. Just like that, there will come a day when you would be able to think of them without any sense of resentment or hatred.
I’m not saying that it will be a piece of cake. There would be days when getting up from your bed would seem like the hardest thing to do. You would break down while listening to a song and at times, a peculiar fragrance might take you back in the past. Nevertheless, you need to be strong and determined. Don’t put a timer on it. Give yourself as much time as you need – there is no rush.
- Surround yourself with your loved ones
It is really important to surround ourselves with the people who care about us, especially when we are going through a rough patch. Meet your friends and let them know about your feelings. If you trust them, then there is no harm in sharing the details of that relationship with them as well. You never know, they could have experienced something similar and might end up sharing a life-lesson with you.
Not just friends, you should also try to connect with your family as well. Sometimes, our parents and siblings can be our biggest support system. They will give you unlimited love and care without expecting anything in return. Trust me – it really helps to be with nurturing people during this phase.
- Learn your lesson
As surprising as it might sound, every heartbreak comes with a lesson. Instead of punishing yourself or over-thinking, ask yourself – what is the universe trying to teach me with this experience? Try to understand why things didn’t work out with the two of you so that you can implement that lesson in your future relationships.
It is not necessary that two good people will always result in a good relationship. Just because it seems too perfect in the present, doesn’t mean it will end the same way in the future as well. Every person comes with a lesson. You simply need to identify it without causing pain to yourself.
- Be open to new ideas
Last, but most importantly, don’t consider that love only happens once. Yes, chances are that you won’t find the exact love again, but there are all other kinds of love in this world. If you are lucky, then you might find someone even better.
Whenever you think you are ready to date again, take a leap of faith. There is no rush. Give yourself as much time as you want. Moving on from the memories of our first love can take a toll on us. Though, when you think you are ready, just be open to the idea of dating someone again. You never know, it might work the next time.
Learning how to move on from first love is not easy. There are no guidelines or a handbook that you need to follow. All you need to do is give yourself some time and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. Take it one day at a time, and there will come a moment when all of this will be a distant memory.
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