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Why You Should Stop Looking For ‘The One’ And Start Looking For Someone Who Gets You

A lot of people are obsessed with the idea of having a soul mate. This is probably because of the countless books and movies that have equated the idea of a soul mate with that of true love. Now, the idea of being with a soul mate is not unappealing at all, because after all, who would not want to be with the perfect partner? The idea of having someone who gets you is totally wonderful. However, it is also important to understand that the concept of a soul mate is very ambiguous and can, in fact, ruin your potential love life. Instead, when you are going out with someone, it is important to enjoy their company and be grateful for what they can offer, rather than scaring them off by constantly trying to impose your expectations of what they should be giving you. Here are some reasons why it is important to put your hunt for that elusive “soul mate” on a permanent halt.

1. No one is perfect

couple in love

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This is one of those quintessential reasons why you have to stop looking for your soul mate immediately. After all, what is a soul mate? Most people believe that a soul mate is someone who is completely perfect not only for them, but also as a person. However, these are very unrealistic expectations. It is not possible for an individual, whether a boy or a girl, to be completely perfect. If you are hung up on the idea, you might not be able to handle the problems and the shortcomings in your partner, because after all, it will not comply with your idea of how “perfect” your partner is and should be.

Suggested read: 7 powerful reasons why looking for a soul mate might leave you unhappy

2. You might not find what you are looking for

couple in love

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People who are obsessed with the idea of finding their soul mate have a pre-fixed set of beliefs and qualities and features they would like, which you might not be able to find in anyone. Love is one of the most spontaneous things that can happen to you. It is important to be with a number of people to figure out what you want from a long term relationship. Therefore, before you start looking for someone, it is unnecessary to have a readymade image of them in your mind.

3. There is nothing called an unexplained connection

couple in love

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Believers in the idea of a soul mate feel that when you meet “the one,” you have an unexplained connection with each other, and you simply know what each other want without even trying. However, this is a very juvenile and fairytale concept, because it is not possible to get a person completely, especially before you get to know them properly. You only understand a person properly when you have spoken to them and have spent an adequate amount of time with them.

4. The idea of a soul mate restricts your idea of love

couple hugging

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Along the same lines, if your conception of love is limited to being in an intimate relationship with a presupposed “soul mate,” then you only stand to lose. There is no textbook definition for what romantic love is like – it comes in many ways, shapes, and forms between different kinds of people. If you are expecting romance to be how a supposedly perfect person would treat and pamper you, you can as well be prepared to stay alone for the rest of your life. Instead, it is better to be open-minded.

Suggested read: 10 common mistakes all women make in a relationship

5. Intense, passionate love is flammable and momentary

couple in love

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When you think you have found your “soul mate,” you may try to shower all your affections on them at once, and you try to live out a lifetime worth of love with great urgency. However, that is not how stable and long-lasting relationships work. You gradually get to know each other, and then you proceed to becoming long term partners. When you have a super-romantic, super-fast whirlwind romance, it becomes just another story to tell your friends about just a few months down the line, because at that speed, the passion and patience requisite for a healthy relationship run out pretty fast.

6. You will never be able to accept your partner

couple arguing

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A relationship consists of two people, where both individuals are equal participants. If one of the partners is in the relationship because they have found something attractive about you, and the other partner is in the relationship because they think you are soul mates, then an immediate imbalance is created. In the process, the latter would never be able to accept the smaller quirks, mistakes, flaws, and habits which do not coincide with their own, because obviously that is not what “soul mates” are supposed to be like, are they? Work on accepting your partner as they are instead of fitting them into the mold that you have created, because you never know, they might become your partner in life.

7. You might never be ready for the right one

couple disagreement

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It is very important to become a person who will deserve the love that they will get from the person they end up being with. Please note that I did not say your soul mate. This is because when you get caught up with the idea of a soul mate, you feel everything will be perfect when you meet them, and you will have to make no additional effort to be with them. The reality cannot be further from the truth – a relationship is a patient process of learning how to be with another person. If you fail to realize this, you might not ever be prepared to love the right person in the right way, so it can actually be a deterrent in your effort to find true love.

8. Expecting too much from a relationship can lead to heartbreak

couple disagreement

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People associate the concept of a soul mate with statements like “We share a special connection,” or “We are made for each other,” or even “We love each other unconditionally.” No matter how appealing and fairytale-like it sounds, you also have to make sure that you are firmly grounded in reality. Although thoughts like these can enhance a relationship, it is also important to note that a relationship cannot be solely based on such things. No matter what, there will be some amount of consternation, fighting, and misunderstandings, which will only increase when your idea of a having a perfect soul mate is violated.

9. Your soul mate doesn’t exist

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I do not mean to sound like an insensitive adult trying to tell a child that Santa Claus does not exist, but it is nonetheless true. One of the things that you have to understand when you grow up and start looking for a serious relationship with someone is that a soul mate does not exist. You meet a person who completely understands you, give them time to become an indispensable part of your life, and that is when they morph into the idea of a soul mate that most people unfortunately harbor right from the start. When you meet the right person, you have to be open and willing enough to give them a chance; otherwise, you will never find “the one.”

Suggested read: 9 most common reasons why relationships fail

10. Make your own life worth living

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If you have had the patience to read through all the points, then you must have noticed a pattern. There are no soul mates, you have to be patient enough to give everyone a chance, you have to be open-minded, and you have to learn to accept someone into your life. However, before you start doing this, you have to assess and re-assess yourself and see why you are looking for a partner in the first place. Most people feel that finding the love of their life will be the ultimate solution to all their problems, but the truth is, problems will always be there, and you cannot use love as an excuse or an emergency exit. You have to understand that love is an all-consuming, powerful force which will change your life for the better. But the last thing that you should be doing is waiting for your soul mate to swoop in and save the day, because trust me, that is not going to happen.

It is important to come to terms with the fact that you do not meet the love of your life by chance at a quaint café and immediately fall head over heels for them. This is wishful thinking on the part of authors and script writers, but it does not happen in real life. There are multiple people out there who could potentially be perfect for you, and to figure that out you have to give them all an equal and open chance. Instead of finding someone who gets you immediately and rides off with you into the sunset, look for someone who understands you and is willing to grow with you, because that will morph into a lifetime’s worth of love.

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Article Name
Why You Need To Stop Looking For A Soul Mate
Are you hung up on the idea of a soul mate? You shouldn't be though. Instead, you should try and find someone who understands you and makes you happy.
Aishani Laha

Aishani Laha

Bibliophile. Feminist. Unreasonable optimist. I am dangerously obsessed with the English language and the stage is my second home. I still believe in fairy tales and happy endings, and more importantly, that there is nothing that good music and a cup of coffee can’t fix.