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7 Powerful Reasons Why Looking For Your Soul Mate Might Leave You Unhappy

You don’t find a soul mate, you grow one!

Scarred from romantic unhappiness?

The reason might be you.

couple hugging

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Yes, it’s true. In our search for that elusive soul mate, we are possibly overlooking REAL possibilities of love in life. If you are a regular reader, you’d know that I do not believe in the idea of only one ‘the one’ we are meant to live a lifetime with. I believe that in our journey of life, we come across several souls we feel an undeniably powerful connection with. With some we dance, with some we sing, and with some we share pieces of ourselves that were tucked away safely in some locked chamber until now. Among these handful of souls, a part of whom we carry in our hearts forever, is ‘the one’ we make a conscious choice of living the rest of our lives with. And whilst I have explained in ‘How do you know He/She is the one?’ and ‘The Six-In-One Theory Of The One’ all about how you can make this choice and who ‘the one’ should be, it is time I tell you a truth that might have been easy to gloss over in the midst of all the warm, fuzzy feeling that filled your insides when you read those!

Suggested read: How do you know if he/she is ‘the ONE’?

The overlooked TRUTH – ‘the ONE’ you choose is not your soul mate. Never was. He/She just grows into one.

And what makes him/her a soul mate? TIME.

couple cuddling on a bench

Image source: Shutterstock

Yep. Let’s get realistic, folks. Meeting another soul, to realize theirs is the one we sought all along, is never going to happen. It is only when you spend time together – share your lives together, to build a foundation of friendship, laughter, confession, affection, and connection that your souls begin to really connect. That is when your souls begin to grow into a likeness of each other, becoming each other’s in time, with time, and for time, forever.

This is a process. You cannot, and should not, just expect to bump into your soul mate around the corner and expect some magic to happen, just like in the movies. For magic to happen, the magicians have to do the trick. Movies and other popular media have had a hand in propagating this ideal of a soul mate you just happen to cross paths with. Watching these movies, TV shows, et al, you tend to forget that the script is already written and the actors already know that they’re going to bump into each other at the coffee shop round the corner, and it’s a case of love at first sight. This scenario is so far removed from reality, that it’s almost laughable, leaving you bumbling along in your quest of looking for your soul mate!

Suggested read: The 6 roles your soul mate needs to fill in effortlessly

It is, therefore, time to give you an inside-look into the brazen truth about why a soul mate is never found, but grown. But before we see how that can happen, let’s delve into the reasons why looking for your soul mate will leave you disillusioned and unhappy:

1. The perennial problem of being in love with ‘an idea’

couple in love

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

I have often iterated and reiterated upon the self-destructive pattern embedded within the act of being in love with ‘an idea of a person,’ ‘an idea of a relationship,’ or worse, if you already are in one, ‘the potential of your partner/relationship’ rather than the person/relationship himself/itself. This rather toxic behavior breeds unrealistic expectations.

Suggested read: 8 telltale signs he is your soul mate

2. Unrealistic expectations can drive away a REAL possibility of love


Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

The unrealistic expectations about who/what a soul mate should be like can create a consistent sense of ‘lack’ in otherwise perfectly healthy and possibly ‘full-with-potential-to-be-happy’ relationships. Are soul mates perfect? No. Will they test your patience, your understanding, your tenacity, your compassion, maybe your love too? Yes, and more often than you’d imagine. Would they be the magical solution to all your problems? No. They aren’t a one-stop solution kiosk, they aren’t meant to smooth out tortuous paths for you before you stub your toe, only to walk alongside you and lend a shoulder to lean on whilst you limp coz you hurt yourself. It is only when you learn of this ‘reality’ behind the shiny veneer of the ‘fantastical fantasy’ of a soul mate would you be able to acknowledge and affirm the possibility of ‘growing’ one. And to recognize a soul that can grow to be your soul mate, with time, you need to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Suggested read: 5 qualities in men that women desire most

3. Trying to ‘align’ the relationship according to the idea in your head will devastatingly exclude the other person’s participation in making it work

couple disagreement

Image source: Shutterstock

More often than not, the idea of the ‘ideal’ in your head shall exhort you to push things to achieve a manifestation of the fantasy. Don’t do it. You are unknowingly excluding your partner’s participation in the process of making your dreams a reality. Instead, communicate. You might not have it all your way but you shall definitely find an optimal path that shall lead to a land of happily-ever-after. What’s more, you will enjoy the togetherness that goes into building a journey dotted with flowers, rainbows, sunshine, and maybe, gremlins?!? Just saying! (After all, two is two-ly special).

Suggested read: 8 surefire signs she is your soul mate

4. Rinsing and repeating the same destructive patterns in search of the elusive

couple disagreement (9)

Image source: Shutterstock

Analyze if you have pulled the plug on far too many relationships because you thought you deserved more. Now, there is nothing wrong with having some standards, but if ‘nothing’ is ever good enough, then it might be time to step back, take a good, hard look in the mirror, and assess what it is that you want. Is it some impossible desire to find someone who will cater to all your wishes? Is it a desire to find someone who will never frustrate, annoy or disappoint you?? If the answer is a resounding YES, then here’s the pin – sorry for bursting your bubble – this will NEVER happen. Your perfect ‘one’ shall also be someone you will have conflicts with, grow irritable with, and on some days, maybe want to tear your hair out owing to all the annoying things he/she does. But does that mean it will not be worth it? No, a thousand times no. After all, the best relationships are based on friendship and best friends, too, have their moments of exasperation. C’mon, we are all human. Let’s give each other that and find the ‘magic’ in our ability to be human!!

5. Not giving the ‘present’ a chance


Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

If you are constantly on the hunt for a dreamy vision of the future to be rendered alive, chances are it shall never happen. Live your life in the present and give it a chance to become the future, which may not completely correspond with your ‘dream,’ but shall still be quite close. Only by being fully present in the present can you happily tread upon the path to a happy future.

Suggested read: What are the traits in women that men desire the most?

6. Never growing into a full acceptance of yourself

The law of abundance works. If you focus on lack, you will create more lack. Try focusing on what you bring to the table, the energy you put out there, the vibes you send out, and come into an acute sense of awareness of self. Only when you embrace yourself completely – quirks, flaws, and the awesomeness – shall the universe be willing to send love your way. Love yourself completely and stop looking. Let love find you.

7. The consistent sense of entitlement to what the universe is ‘supposed’ to mete out to you shall destroy the happiness you have within


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Tying in closely with the last point, this one is equally important. Not only is a wholesome acceptance of yourself crucial to the outcome but it is also important that when you affirm what it is that you really want, you do so with ZERO expectations. Sending out a clear message to the universe about wanting a kind, compassionate, mature, and loving soul to share your life with does not and should not imply a default expectation of the outcome to manifest itself the very same moment. Know that the universe knows it and let go of the outcome. Right now may not be the right time, so let go and let it happen when it wants to, the way it wants to.

Suggested read: How to make your fantasy of a soul mate into reality?

Remember that it is only by sharing TIME that you can craft a soul mate from the soul that you recognize that spark of a connection with. It is only through self-love, respect, kindness, humility, friendship, connection, confession, compassion, communication, and of course, realism that you can let that great leap of intention (the power of ‘choice’) to help you not only embark upon, but enjoy and live out a lifetime’s journey of togetherness. Only then can another being, complete and wholesome in his/her own right, become the perfect soul mate you always wanted, despite their beautifully imperfect and fallible being!

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Article Name
7 reasons why looking for a soul mate might leave you unhappy
The idea of a soul mate is fine and dandy. But in reality, looking for your soul mate might leave you unhappy. Here are 7 reasons why that might be true.
Sejal Parikh

Sejal Parikh

"I'm a hurricane of words but YOU can choose the damage I do to you..."