We have always been told about how beautiful love is and what a perfect relationship is supposed to look like. Whether in romcom movies, silly love songs, and cheesy romantic novels, lovers and relationships are always picture perfect, and nothing ever goes wrong. If it does, then there’s always a plot twist to fix everything. Real life is way messier and a lot less perfect. How do you know if the person you love is really The One? Do you love him or do you love the idea of a perfect boyfriend that you have constructed in your head and are now forcing onto your partner? These questions seem difficult and scary, don’t they? Well, you can relax.
We at NLT have decided to make things a little easier for you. We present to you the “do I love him or the idea of him quiz”, a tool that is definitely going to come in handy while you try to pop those bubbles that you might have been floating in. These questions might appear daunting, but we promise you that at the end of the quiz, you will come out knowing yourself and your relationship a little bit better. It’s a hard situation to get through, but in the end, it will be better for your relationship, and also for your own happiness. So, stop procrastinating and get quizzing!
- Do you feel like your relationship is as perfect as they show it in the movies at all times?
- Do you always keep comparing your boyfriend to an idealistic image of the perfect boyfriend that you have created in your head?
- Do you miss him only when you’re by yourself, feeling lonely and wanting a companion?
- Do you feel like, over time, your opinions and beliefs have morphed and assimilated with those of your partner’s, and you’re basically just a mirror image of him?
- Is physical proximity to your partner the thing that you constantly crave the most in your relationship?
- Do you tend to rationalize his behaviour, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it most of the time?
- Do you have a habit of not voicing your own opinions for fear of disagreements or arguments, and just agree with whatever your partner says all the time?
- Do you avoid fights or confrontational situations in your relationship because you are afraid that it might lead to a breakup?
- Do you often fantasize about the future memories that you hope you will get to share with him, rather than focusing on the present?
- Do these future memories seem to be more appealing to you than the current reality?
- Do you keep comparing your relationship with that of other couples?
- Do you feel like there are things you need to change about your partner, so that he fits a certain image you have of him?
- Do you think you would stop loving your partner the same way if, for example, they lost their job or gained some disability or physical deformity?
- Do you wish that your partner was more physically attractive?
- Do you have a tendency to brag about your partner and every little thing they do for you, to your friends and family?
- Do you find yourself talking about your partner or slipping their name into every conversation that you’re a part of?
- Do you feel insecure if someone doesn’t know that you are in a relationship, and feel the desperate urge to clear away this misconception?
- Are you completely okay with not seeing your partner for long periods of time, and remain absolutely unbothered by his absence?
- Do you constantly feel the need to post about your partner and your relationship on various social media platforms?
- Alternatively, does a lack of validation about your relationship from social media make you feel insecure about the same?
- Do you have this nagging feeling deep down that something in your relationship is off and just not right?
- Do you feel the need to put up a facade of happiness with regards to your relationship?
- Do you find it difficult and lonely to be single for too long?
- Are you scared of the idea of breaking up with someone, or even admitting that a relationship may not be working out?
- Do feel bored with your relationship and feel like you’re just going through the motions for the sake of it?
- Do you feel like despite all your bragging and PDA on social media, deep down you are sort of disconnected from each other?
- Do you feel like you’re trapped in your relationship with no way of getting out of it?
- Despite all the misery and dullness, do you feel obsessed with being in a relationship?
- Do you tend to withhold all the bad stuff about your relationship- the fights, your partner’s flaws, etc- from your closest friends for fear of ruining the image of a perfect relationship?
- Do you ignore and turn a blind eye to all the red flags that come up along the way, and continue dating your partner anyway?
If you have answered yes to a majority of these questions, then there might be an issue here that you need to come to terms with. It is possible that all these negativities in your relationship is stemming from the fact that you don’t actually love your partner, rather you love, or are at least trying to love, the idea of your partner. Think of this “do I love him or the idea of him quiz” as a much needed wake-up call for you to set some things right. You owe this much to yourself and also to the person you think you’re in love with. It is always better to not be in a relationship than to be in an unhappy one.
Sometimes we think we love someone, but in reality, we love a certain version of this individual that we’ve constructed in our heads. The person we love doesn’t exist in the real world, and yet we try our hardest to keep our delusional bubbles intact just for a little longer. This desire to keep the imaginary bubble floating can manifest itself in several ways. If you find yourself constantly talking about your partner and how amazing they are to anyone who makes the mistake of lending you an ear, then you need to stop and question your actions. We often talk the most about the things that make us insecure, it’s our subconscious mind trying to keep its delusions intact.
Another sign, as stated above in the quiz is seeking validation on social media for your relationship. If you think your relationship is strong, you won’t feel the need to constantly proclaim your love your boyfriend on social media. People only do this when deep down they know that their relationship is not strong enough, and thus have to rely on external reaffirmation to give themselves a sense of stability. If you’re doing this as well, then you know what you need to do.
Suggested read: Big Magic: The Magical Power Of Relationships
Sometimes, you need to fix yourself before you fix the relationship you’re in. Some of us have been dating right since we were introduced to the idea of it. We’re so used to always having someone around in our lives that we basically suck at being single. And that’s not okay. If the idea of being single terrifies you then you’re bound to get into relationships that end up feeling forced. Always remember that you need to get to know yourself and like yourself first before you try to do that with another person. Being single does not equate to being lonely; it gives you perspective, makes you self reliant and allows you a chance to make memories with yourself. You don’t need a partner to have a good, fulfilling life. As cheesy as this sounds, but you need first date yourself before you try to date someone else.
In our attempts to keep up the facade of an ideal boyfriend, we end up hurting not just ourselves but also our partners. By constantly comparing your relationship to other couples, you are putting yourselves through unnecessary pressure. You are also failing to accept and love your for who they are by always holding them up to unreasonable standards and expectations. If you constantly try to change your partner or see them as someone they are not, is it really true love? It’s unfair to treat anyone like that, and especially the person you are supposedly in love with.
Suggested read: 10 Terrible Relationship Traits You Need To Kick In 2019
This “do I love him or the idea of him quiz” might have been the eye opener that you were looking for, or it may have made you realize that what you have is already perfect. It’s easy to lose yourself into these ideal images of how relationships are supposed to be, considering how picture perfect they always look in pop culture. Just remember that there is no particular, prepackaged definition of a perfect relationship; you are the one who decides what kind of perfect you want your relationship to be.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License