“You can talk with someone for years, every day, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” ― C. JoyBell C.
I agree with this quote, and yes, you don’t always need words to communicate better in a relationship. But to reach this jedi level of understanding, you need to start with words; why do you think words were invented anyway? To communicate better. It is effective communication, no matter what mode you use to communicate your feelings to your lover, that defines whether your relationship is a successful one or a pitiful failure.
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life, without…it dies.” ― Tony Gaskins
Suggested read: Signs That You Have A Passive Aggressive Partner
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Like building the trust in a relationship is crucial to ensure the health of that relationship, similarly, communicating your feelings to your partner in an efficient way will save you from unnecessary conflicts and fights. Again, I am not saying that arguments are a bad thing. In fact, in a relationship, arguments can be a mode of strengthening the bond. But the argument has to be a constructive one, and not a destructive one. You and your partner should not be arguing for arguments sake; the disagreements and debates should be aimed at improving the relationship. Yes, when you start communicating effectively, even arguments help enhance the relationship.
Communicate better in a relationship
Learning how to communicate better with your partner is crucial for the growth and evolution of a relationship. If you closely study relationships that have failed, then you will see that more than 90 per cent of these relationships have not worked because of weak communication between the lovers.
One crucial thing people usually forget when in a relationship is that every day they are growing, and so is their partner. They are learning new things having new experiences, meeting new people who are changing their perspective gradually. As a result, no matter how long you know someone, you need to have an interest in them. When you stop having this interest in your partner and their passions, you begin to drift apart.
For example, if you ask your partner who his or her favorite actor is now, their answer is bound to change when you ask them the same question after a decade or so. This is just one stupid example. But if you apply the same logic to other things, like their belief in god, the philosophy that they think drives the world, their position on the climate change debate, etc. you will see how their answers alter or at least have new layers to them, when asked years apart.
Therefore, to keep the relationship alive and thriving you need not only share some common interests, but also show a lively appreciation and inquisitiveness about other things that your partner is passionate about. Remember, they are learning and growing every day (and so are you), and so you both are a different person every morning.
Here are some ideas that you can consider to improve your communication with your partner.
1. Understand each other
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And the best way to understand your partner better? Listen intently to what he or she has to say.
Acording to Rachel Naomi Remen,
“Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening and not the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes in the people around us. When we listen, we offer with our attention an opportunity for wholeness. Out listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person. That which has been denied, unloved, devalued by themselves and by others. That which is hidden……Listening creates a holy silence. When you listen generously to people, they can hear truth in themselves, often for the first time. And in the silence of listening, you can know yourself in everyone.”
2. Learn to be frank in love
Talking to your partner and communicating better does not mean that you need to agree with everything that they have to say. It is necessary that even if you have a negative opinion about something, an opinion that contrasts your partner’s, you should be able to share it with them. You should not have to worry about them getting hurt. And the same is true the other way round.
You both need to be able to give each other an honest view, a view that is not intended to hurt the other person, but only to expand each other’s horizon.
3. Don’t always have your critical cap on
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“We don’t always need advice. Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand. There is a time to speak out and a time to remain silent. True wisdom comes from knowing the difference. And this difference can make or break a healthy relationship.” – Unknown
Though disagreements strengthening the relationship, too many of them, can wreck it. Yes, it is all about the balance. Sometimes, you need to be the person who stays silent and here’s the other one out; you need to be the person who allows his or her partner to pour their heart out; you need to be the person who understands. And you need to expect the same from your partner.
Suggested read: 20 Signs You Have Finally Found Your Best Friend For Life
4. Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings
“One of the tests for longevity in a relationship is how issues are dealt with. Two people can fall in love, have amazing chemistry, compatibility, and be deeply connected at the soul level. And yet, love can be sacrificed on the altar of misunderstanding because of unhealed wounds and perceptions. Unless there is clear communication and a resolve by both partners to be understanding and recognize what is being triggered by ego, even the greatest love story can fall to pieces. At the end of the day, love is a choice. We get to choose whether we will fight for what we believe in, or to give up when the love-thief comes to try and steal the dream. True love is always worth fighting for.” – Daniel Nielsen
Misunderstandings strangle a relationship, and we all know how a misunderstanding is born: by the lack of effective communication. So communicate better with you partner to nip misinterpretations in the bud.
5. Tell your partner how you feel
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Do not expect them to understand because right now their brain is all worked up and tired and inept to pick signs. So put exact words to your feelings. You feel scared, tell them you are terrified. If you feel alone, then tell them just that. If you are feeling bitter and resentful, then you should tell your partner just that, instead of behaving resentful and hoping they will understand and love you more. That does not work, and we know that. It will only help in pushing them further away.
Also when you say these things, use the word “I”. Say, “I feel alone.” Or “I am bitter.” This way the partner does not feel blamed, and so will not defend himself or herself. They will connect with your emotions better and will express their own too.
6. Use words to appreciate your love
You need to show and say how much you love your partner. Don’t leave it to the imagination of your partner. Though this seems a very obvious thing, it is, more than often, the most discounted. Expressing one’s gratitude towards one’s partner becomes more important when the other is suffering from bad communication in a relationship. Here are a few words of thanks you can say to your partner:
“Thank you for being who you are. You are doing a great job. Thank you for loving me and giving your 100 per cent always. Thank you for not judging, but rather understanding. Thank you for having my back always, and I want you to know that I will always have your back too.”
Do not undervalue the power that these words carry. Use them and when you do, mean them, and you will see the magic that they can create.
That is all we have on today’s post on how to communicate better in a relationship. So do you think you do have a passive aggressive partner? Is there anything you want to tell us, or want on our advice on how to deal with your partner’s passive aggressiveness? Let us know in the comment section below.
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See you until next time!
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