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Relationship Woes: What To Do When He Pulls Away

People pulling away in relationships is a phenomenon that is more common than you think. it is impossible to find a relationship that is all about smooth sailing and only positive memories and a steady, upward growth. Relationships have their ups and downs and whether you are just about to get into a relationship or have been in one for a while, pulling away is one of those low points that has to be dealt with.

 sad couple_New_Love_Times

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So what is pulling away? If you have noticed your man acting distant, quiet and aloof lately, then chances are that he has started to pull away. Men usually stop talking or responding to things they usually liked before. They don’t seem keen on spending time with you and may even go as far as avoiding you when they start to pull away. A lot of women don’t know what to do when he pulls away. The first natural reaction is to think that you did something wrong, or you are responsible for their behavior. While that may be a possibility, it is more often than not, something that is going on with them which makes them pull away.

Suggested read: 12 Absolutely Clear Signs She Doesn’t See You As More Than A Friend

If you don’t know what to do when he pulls away, then read this guide which will walk you through this kind of behavior, so that you can understand his thought process better and react accordingly.

Signs That He Is Starting To Pull Away

The first step is to recognize that he is starting to pull away. When you recognize these signs, you can moderate your behavior accordingly. Paying attention to his behavior and his body language will tell you what he is trying to do, so that you don’t jump to conclusions that could permanently damage your relationship. Here are some of the telltale signs that your men might be pulling away from you.

  1. He doesn’t share as much as he used to with you

 couple disagreement

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A common behavior that men display when they are pulling away from you, is closing themselves off. If they have started to be quiet, secretive or even aversive to you, then chances are that he is drifting away from you on purpose.

  1. He is giving off mixed signals when he is with you

Another very obvious sign that he has begun to pull away from you is that he is constantly blowing hot and cold with you. While sometimes he seems very comfortable, close and intimate with you, other times, he seems to not want to talk to you at all or even acknowledge your existence. This might even be circumstantial, but it can have serious repercussions on your relationship.

  1. You get a gut-feeling that something is not right

Sometimes, you should just trust your instinct. If you are getting a feeling that something is off in your relationship, or almost0-relationship, then something is definitely off. You should feel completely secure, loved and confident with your relationship. However, if you think he is behaving slightly different, you don’t have to second guess yourself, because chances are, you are right.

  1. He cancels plans and postpones dates

 woman sitting alone

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

If you and your man are in a relationship, or in an almost-relationship, then you should be going out regularly, and wanting to meet each other as much as possible, without being clingy. However, if you have been noticing that your man has been cancelling plans and postponing dates way to frequently, then something is definitely off with him, and chances are that he is pulling away.

  1. He doesn’t give you attention

When you are genuinely interested in a person, you want to give them attention subconsciously. You want to spend time with them and check on them every now and then to check if they are okay. When your man stops doing all of those things, especially after you have seen him lavish attention and care on you, then he is definitely starting to pull away.

Why Do Men Pull Away?

While it is easy to determine when and how he is pulling away, the why of the matter is a whole other ball game. Sometimes it might just happen that he isn’t interested in you anymore. However, most of the time, there are some more underlying causes which might be causing him to pull away. Here are some of the reasons why a man might start to pull away from you, no matter how long you have been in a relationship.

  1. He is getting very serious about your relationship

 couple in love_New_Love_Times

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Believe it or not, men can freak out when they start to realize that they are becoming seriously invested in you, emotionally. When they come to terms with the fact that they are falling in love, wither they go all in. or they start to withdraw in order to save themselves from rushing things.

  1. He doesn’t want to rush things

Now whether he likes you or not, he might be pulling away bevause things with you are getting too close for comfort. It is easy to get carried away with you emotions when you are havibg a good timer with someone, but that will inevitably lead to something more serious and permanent, and your man might not be ready for that just yet.

  1. He needs personal space

After spending a good amount of quality time with you, he might want some space to himself. People do this when they want to reconnect with themselves.

Suggested read: How far is too far: Setting boundaries in an avoidant relationship

  1. He is commitment phobic

 couple in love_New_Love_Times

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This is one of the more obvious reasons why your man might be pulling away from you. Commitment phobia is a real thing which prevents people from owning up to their feelings and emotions, which could lead to him violently distancing himself from you so as to not enter into a relationship.

  1. Other factors that might be causing him stress

Sometimes, men may pull away from you because of something else entirely. You might not even be remotely connected to the reason for their behavior. Things like stress at work, personal stresses and other factors might cause him top lose focus on you for a moment, and move away to figure things out himself.

Now that you know mostly whatever there is to know about why and how your man is pulling away, it is time to know what you can do about it. Most women, when they see their men acting distant, freak out and end up causing a huge row, which is natural. It is normal to feel insecure and constantly worry about where you went wrong for them to pull away and behave like this. However, the way that you should ideally handle a situation like this is very different from your natural reaction.

Here are some of the things you can do when you see your man pulling away.

  1. Give him his space

This might sound like counter advice, but this is the first thing that you must do when you are trying to deal with your man pulling away from you in a relationship. Everyone needs their “me” time, and if you r man is pulling away, give them the space to figure out what they want. The more you pester him and cling on to him and play mind games with him, the farther you are going to push him away.

  1. Talk to him candidly

 couple talking_New_Love_Times

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Talking about your feelings without holding anything back is a great way to clear the air, find out what is wrong and why he is behaving that way, and come to a mutual solution about what is to be done about the future of your relationship. Telling him that you are feeling left out may also make him understand what he is doing is affecting you.

  1. Don’t start losing your cool

When you start seeing that your man is pulling away, you might literally start losing it. Women may start spying on their partners, snooping around in their private stuff, picking fights on purpose or doing other things that might only antagonize them and push them away even more. It is important to keep your cool and show them that you support them, even through an ordeal and trial like this one.

  1. Try to figure out why they are behaving this way, before reacting

Overreacting is only natural when you have a person behaving this way with you. However, before you can start reacting and accusing, try to find out the real reason behind his behavior. You can do this by talking to him, his co-workers or his close friends to whom he might have confided his reasons.

Suggested read: If Your Boyfriend Is Afraid Of Commitment, Here’s How You Can Get Him To Cross The Bridge

  1. Do not feel dependent on them, or their emotions


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You don’t know what the outcome of this ordeal is going to be. Either you are going to emerge with a relationship that is stronger than ever, or you are going to go your own separate ways because of irreconcilable differences. The key is to not get emotionally invested, or at least, not more than you already are. Make sure that you are independent and strong-willed, so that no matter what happens, you emerge stronger than ever, without breaking down.

If you don’t know what to do when he pulls away, take a step back yourself and re-evaluate yourself and your relationship. Find out the root of the problem, and handle it instinctively.

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
The Steps To Understanding What To Do When He Pulls Away
If you don't know what to do when he pulls away and you are seeing him become increasingly distant, then read this guide to understand him and react accordingly.
Aishani Laha

Aishani Laha

Bibliophile. Feminist. Unreasonable optimist. I am dangerously obsessed with the English language and the stage is my second home. I still believe in fairy tales and happy endings, and more importantly, that there is nothing that good music and a cup of coffee can’t fix.