We’ve all had the ONE. This person was and is probably still your soul mate, that unicorn with whom your frequencies matched, and the one you felt lost without. You fit together perfectly to complete the so-called puzzle that we know as life. This person changed your world, made you grow, and taught you so much about what love really is all about. But then life happened, and they turned to be the one that got away, from the one you were supposed to be with.
It could be because of anything – stress, distance, poor timing, jealousy or just life in general. Whatever it is that played a part in making you part ways, it broke you. You didn’t think anyone else could have been more perfect for you. It was a shattering experience that you would never want to go through again. But if you haven’t heard it already, “when you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Now Coelho might not be right all the time, but this definitely seems to be true in your case, because your soul mate is back; and this time probably, they’re here to stay. But you’re confused and scared because you don’t know how to deal with it. Well, here is how.
Suggested read: How to get over the one that got away in 5 steps
1. Weigh your options
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It has been a while since it (the breakup) happened, so think about what your present circumstance is like. Maybe just a few months have passed by, or maybe this is happening after, say, two or more years. But obviously, things are a little different for you at the moment. You could have moved on with someone else, or maybe you’re still single, but you have to think about how this will affect you right now.
2. Don’t pursue
The got in touch with you and told you how they feel about you and that they still love you. So, you get all excited because you remember how great things were when the two of you were together. But you need to take a step back and not get too ahead of yourself. Do not think of pursuing them before it has even started. Let them chase you because that way, you’ll have the option of deciding how you feel about things. It’ll let them know that you can live without their presence, and that it’s now a matter of choice – yours, that you need to make, consciously, and with your eyes wide open.
3. Recall the breakup
This, you cannot miss out on. Take some time to think about why this person turned out to be the one that got away in the first place. It is easy to get carried away when you see the person again and forget about all the wrongs that were done. You both broke up for a reason or more, so recall that and decide if you could work out those problems, this time around. It’s not about placing blame, but thinking about what went wrong the first time around, and if there’s a chance of you both trying to fix it – if at all.
4. Seek advice
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You don’t have to do this on your own. If you’re not sure about what you have to do, reach out to your friends and family. They’ve seen you both happy together, and they’ve seen your post breakup phase. Talk to them and see how they feel about the two of you getting back together. Remember that friends generally notice things that you’re too excited to see.
5. Remember that you can say no
Maybe when you were together, you had some of your best moments. But that does not mean that the only answer you can give to your ex is a yes. You can turn the other way and always say a no too. People might expect you to give in and get back together because of how great it was in the past, but this is solely your decision to make. Whatever it is, unless you really want to be back together, don’t say a yes. You might have changed since the breakup, or you might be in a totally different place in your life right now – whatever it may be, it’s your sole decision to make. Nobody can make you say a yes, when your heart is telling you to say no.
6. Keep the focus on you
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Now, when you’re talking about the one that got away coming back into your life, it is difficult to not get excited about it. Yes, you can’t stop thinking about them, but here’s the thing – you have to. Just step back and think about what you want to do next, and make sure that it revolves around a picture of you being happy. Don’t get into it if you think it’ll not be able to let you stay happy. It’s all about what you want.
7. Be prepared
Getting back with someone that you loved in the past isn’t the easiest of decisions to make. There will be just so much going on in your mind! If you’ve decided to say no, then you’re done. But if you plan to go ahead with this, then do make sure that you’re completely ready before you reach out to them and say yes. You’ll just know when you’re ready. Take all the time you need to come to the decision.
8. Talk about it
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If you’re going to go ahead with it, then sit down and talk it all out. Talk about the past, talk about what went wrong, and talk about how you can avoid all of those problems this time around. You both need this because unless you put everything on the table, you won’t know what you’ll be dealing with when you start your lives together again. There is nothing more important than telling them what and how you feel about being together again. This way, you’ll know what each of you has on your minds which will make it all the more easier to deal with.
9. Let the past be
You’ve thought about it, you’ve pondered over it, you’ve contemplated it deeply, and you’ve both even talked about it. Once you’ve spoken about it, don’t let the past get to you. Your current relationship is a completely different one, possibly with a whole new person too. So when you have fights, or when you discuss things, avoid bringing up the past as much as you can. Even avoid is a mild term for it; just don’t bring up the past – be it the good side or the bad. Let the past belong there.
Suggested read: 10 simple ways to find yourself after a heartbreaking breakup
10. Don’t expect too much
This is another important point that you need to keep in mind when you get back together. Even though you must have had the most amazing chemistry before, it doesn’t mean it will work out this time around. Of course, it is good to be positive, but having unrealistic expectations is definitely not the way to go. A past does not guarantee a future. So, keep it as real as you can.
There. Now, you know what you should do when the one that got away comes back into your life. It’s probably something that you didn’t anticipate, or maybe you lived in a fantasy world where your ex did come back. But it’s happening right now, and you need to make a decision soon. Of course, the given steps will guide you, but in the end, it’s all on you and how you feel about getting back with your ex. Use your best judgment and trust your gut because no one knows better than you as to what you want. It’s all up to you.
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