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11 Invaluable Lessons I Have Learnt From My Failed Relationships

You know what’s the best part about any challenge? It makes us better. It gives us an opportunity to outgrow ourselves. Love is quite an unpredictable thing. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner might take a lot of time and effort. Surprisingly, it can help you overcome a certain obstacle as well. Every heartbreak or failed relationship can inspire you to be better. It can let you make your entire life a living art.

I know this because I have been in quite a few failed relationships as well. As sad and depressing as it might sound, I take pride in falling in and out of love with people in different ways. It made me realize that there is so much more to love than those rom com movies or over the top books. It is okay to put an end to a relationship sometimes and people can fall out of love in the most effortless way.

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We fall in love with people differently and maybe, that is why they say there is no such thing as “one true love.” There are so many things a failed relationship can teach you. My past relationships gave me a chance to grow and be better. I owe my struggle to every girl who broke my heart and to all those people that made me question the mere existence of love. I won’t be who I am without them. My failed relationships taught me plenty of lessons. It’s pretty tough to count them, but I believe these are the things that I will always remember, as it made me discover myself.

1. I would rather be alone than being sad with someone else

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

There is nothing worse in this world than to be with someone and still feel alone. There were times when I used to be in a room full of people and never in my entire life had I felt so alone – so abandoned. I was with someone who was making me question my own existence. I was doing everything I was supposed to do, but I wasn’t happy. Love is supposed to make us happy, right? I used to think the same. Frankly speaking, that is why I fell in love with her. I wanted to be happy.

Instead, I was sad and lonely. No. I didn’t want that. No one deserves to be lonely. You can be all by yourself and still be happy. You can be alone without being lonely. Prefer that than being with someone and feeling a bottomless pool of sadness in your heart.

2. I should have treated myself in a better way

Yes. You have read it right. I have always been quite a demanding soul when it comes to love. I have no shame in admitting it. I wanted my partner to be with me and accept me. In that process, I was ready to give away a part of me. I compromised my own sense of self-esteem and dignity to be accepted by someone else. I don’t blame anyone else for my failed relationships. I blame myself. I should have treated myself in a better way. No one is this world has been crueler to me than I have been to myself.

3. People love differently


Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

You can’t expect your partner to love you in a certain way. You might be having an unrealistic idea of love. I thought that love was supposed to be gentle and kind. It’s not. It’s so much more than an event. It’s not a place where you have to reach. It’s a journey that you need to take with your partner.

4. Remember the good and the bad

When a relationship ends, we often remember only the bad part. We keep reminding ourselves the way it ended. We focus on all those bad things that were said by our ex. But that is not how you should remember the one you used to love. Yes, you should remember the bad part to remind yourself where you went wrong. At the same time, think of the good moments as well to remember how remarkable love can be. Remember the good and the bad to attain a perfect balance.

5. Sometimes it can take a lifetime to forgive


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There was a time when I thought I got my perfect ending. Surprisingly, the moment I realized I found the one, she ended things out of the blue. It left me devastated and there is a part of me that is still quite angry. I don’t think I will ever forgive her, but somehow, I have made peace with it. It can take forever to forgive people. And no – I’m not essentially talking about forgiving someone else. Sometimes, it can take a lifetime to forgive yourself. Give time some time and don’t rush the process.

Suggested read: 12 tough relationship challenges couples face and how to overcome them

6. My relationship was not a part of my identity

There are a lot of people who make their relationship a part of their identity. I did the same mistake. I became distant from my loved ones and was ready to jeopardize my career just to be accepted by someone else. I let my relationship define me and that was one of my biggest mistakes. I was more than that. I was more than somebody’s lover.

7. You can’t love someone else without loving yourself


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If you don’t know your own worth, you can’t expect your partner to accept you for who you are. Before you take that big step and put yourself out there, ask yourself this question.

“How much do I love myself?”

“Should I give away my worth to be accepted by someone else?”

It would help you realize the kind of things that one should never let go for any relationship – and self-love is certainly one of them.

8. Relationships require so much more than just love!

When we were kids we were told that love conquers all. I can’t challenge the eternal power of love, but it is certainly not enough to keep two people together. Relationships are time-consuming. You have to be a part of your significant other and still maintain your individuality. You can’t be their skeleton. You have to be their skin.

You have to take care of your finances, career, and an entire future while being with someone. Love is not enough to solve every relationship problem. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be and you can’t do anything about it. You just have to move on without getting any consolation.

9. There is no such thing as “happily ever after”

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Forget your idea of “happily ever after”. Focus on your today. This moment. Right here. It is not going to come back – ever again. This is one of the biggest mistakes I made in my past relationship. I was so obsessed with having a perfect future that I forgot to cherish what I already had. I let go of my present to have a future.

10. It takes two to tango

Every relationship is a game of equals. The moment you start taking your partner for granted, you would lose them. There comes a time when it is more than just a game. Be who you are, but also respect your partner. Don’t be critical. Never let them believe that they are not wanted. The two of you should be a perfectly organized team – a well-equipped machine.

Suggested read: 7 simple tips on how to be happy in a relationship

11. It’s okay to let go of someone you love

couple in love_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Sometimes, you can’t be with the one you love. No matter how much you try or make an effort, you just can’t make it work. You have to let go of them with a heavy heart. You can love someone unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean they would love you the same way. People can be really mean at times and break your heart in the most unimaginable way. You can’t do anything about it. You would be scared to fall in love again, but with time you would overcome your fears. You fall in love again and try to find the one. You don’t make the same mistakes and just hope. You hope to be whole again.

There are times when you got to walk away from the one you love in order to get a perfect balance in your life. The most important lesson that I learned from my failed relationships is that there are a few things in this world that are so much bigger than love. Our aim is not to find a lover and settle down. We all are here to follow our dreams and achieve the impossible. My past relationships taught me how to live. I learned how to chase my dreams. Now I know that there is no ideal time to fall in love. Sometimes, the universe has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. Love is definitely a part of life, but it is not everything. You are so much more than that. You are not a part of the universe. The universe is a part of you. Embrace it – with our without love.

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
11 Valuable Lessons I Have Learnt From My Failed Relationships
My failed relationships taught me that sometimes, you need a lifetime to forgive.
Bhavya Kaushik

Bhavya Kaushik

A national bestselling author, Bhavya believes that too often the stories we write paint the reality we try to escape from. Bhavya believes in breaking the stereotypes and trying new things because life is too short to let it stay boring. With his love for verse, he can be found avidly blogging about life, love and everything that covers in between. He lives his life by the motto, 'I'm the story of my own journey.' "I don't write stories. I write characters."