Who does NOT Like romantic fiction? Jerks who are too proud to admit they’ve some emotions flowing in that bloodstream, agree? 😛 But then romantic fiction if of several kinds but for convenience sake’s, I will just classify under two broad categories- the good and the bad; the former being the kind with which you curl up under the blanket with a nice cup of hot cocoa or a glass of wine (okay, make that a bottle!) and the latter those sappy, cheesy predictable plotline types that play out the same cliches over and over but somehow, manage to have people lap it up and even, come back for more! Now, now, don’t tell me you haven’t laid your hands on such cheesy romantic fiction- coz I can see that Mills N Boon’s pile around the corner! 😛
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And while one might think one takes naught from them save for some inspiration for an equally cheesy rom-com, they do have some insights about the greatest feeling there is- LOVE! Admittedly, all of them are hilarious- but still, make for some valid takeaways (on what NEVER happens)! 😉
Suggested read: I would have loved you… if you’d only let me
Let’s discover these so I can prove myself correct:
1. Just do it yourself for crying out loud!
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You don’t always have to wait for the guy you know! Sometimes, you do need to quit waiting by the phone and take matters into your own hands even if it means risking a LOT, and I mean a LOT more than LOT! Because it’s only when you put everything on the line that the love story gets so very good! Who has this happened to in real life, show of hands? Thought so!
2. Jesus! Talk it out already
You have to avoid the big “M” a.k.a. misunderstanding, at all costs! In the current scene, though, I’d swap it for marriage or worse, just the ‘marriage talk.’ 😛 Anyhoo, miscommunication is a result of not knowing the other person and their way of thinking. In novels, this is easily avoidable as certain incidents make couples to get to know each other better and even steer clear of’em or overcome them by some stroke (read: writer’s whim), but in real life, it’s up to us to make the effort; so what are you waiting for- get talkin’ get crackin’! Okay, no violence, please! 😛
3. Give it to me good, honey
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Ok let’s face it, it’s more likely to see women is romance novels experience passionate, spine-tingling sex that we can only imagine lead unto multiple orgasms! They show how pleasing women is a major priority for a man—now take this lesson and apply it real life: find a lover who makes it a point to please you. If you get one orgasm, at the very least, we will take lessons from you to whip a different article next!
4. Is he good or bad?
In the world of a romance novel, the most notorious men, be it pirates or gangsters possess human hearts. They are kind to women, servants, animals and children or at least, become so by the end— transpose to real life and well, us women we can only hope that the bad guys we want want to be nice just for us! 😉
5. Oh, I just hate you- let’s hop in bed!
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Hate is just another feeling wrapped up in heated passion, heart-racing and blood-pumping emotions which sooner or later, end on the bed and in orgasms! In other words, hate is another word for love! Really, now? :/
Suggested read: 28 life lessons I learnt from romance novels
6. Love at first sight
Now c’mon, don’t roll your eyes, admit it already- this does happen, doesn’t it? It’s not just the stuff of silly romance novels. There comes a time you look across and see this guy who literally makes your heart skip a beat, makes you go weak in the knees and in a single moment, the whole world ceases to exist and you only see him, so much so that you end up walking straight into a dumpster! Yeah, that last bit does not happen in a romance novel- but hey, first sight! 😛
7. No means NO!
These romance novels have probably perpetuated the idea that a no is simply open to some more cajoling and coaxing until it turns into a yes. But honestly, they also wait for the no to at least turn into a yes. So, get it straight folks, NO means NO! And honestly, leave us alone, because sometimes, the first NO is emphatic enough to evince it will NEVER turn into a yes!
8. Substitutes for sexual body parts
See this is where the creativity really oozes in cheesy romance novels where authors refrain from using the same old terms while describing sex scenes think “rod,” “love button,” or even throw in a “steel wrapped in velvet” and you have hit a home run there! Try this in your real life love-making and see where it takes you!
9. What you hate he loves
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Now realistically, this happens all the friggin’ time! So you know the parts of your body you hate the most, a crooked nose or your love handles well, blimey those flaws are what he seems to find so very irresistible about you! Why I’ll be damned—funny how a man’s mind works! But hey, as long as it’s you and not football, it works!
10. Consent is oh, so sexy
Always take permission before doing something whether it’s consent from the parents or from your beloved, there is nothing sexier than taking permission before doing something! I’m not too sure if this applies happens today- but, totally should!
11. How to have a climax
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This is something we all need to know how to do by ourselves AND with the help of another and romance novels are the ultimate guides to achieve this—the acts of love in these novels can very well be executed with your partner in real life or simply, by substituting them with, uh, you know what! What- finding them in real life isn’t as easy as typing them out on paper!
Suggested read: An open letter to all the men I have loved before
12. So annoying; yet so cute!
OMG he is just so freaking annoying! This guy is just unbelievable, he annoys you so much! But as fate would have it sooner or later, you come to the realization that it is their irritating ways that make you like them even more and you end up falling for them after all! Real life- meh! <holding up a finger- guess, guess>
Agree now? 😛
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