Hey dude! Don’t make it bad! Remember to let her into your heart, and then you can start to make it better! 😉
See even McCartney knows how important it is for two people to work together and make things better, instead of having a sh*tload of expectations that range from ludicrous to straight-up cruel!
W-h-h-a-a-t? McCartney is married thrice?? Moving on!
Here are 12 unrealistic expectations and we’d call them contradictions (especially since you deem us women to be so ‘confused’ all the friggin’ time) you have and what we have to say about it, because, according to you, we always have something to say, right? So deal with it!
1. Be a mother in the kitchen but a “Friends with Benefits” in the bedroom!
Not even if you agree to us being the boss overall!
2. Keep it all natural and yet look like a runway showstopper! Blimey!
Image source: thecolorlilac
“I woke up like this” is performed by experts under controlled conditions. One should never try this at home!
3. Call us up but not call up too many times. But then again if you don’t call us in like six hours expect us to be all, “You are not interested in me anymore!”
Coz women should be a pro when it comes to the art of being distant and yet showing the right amount of interest! And you thought women were complicated!
4. Keep us on our toes but don’t get too complicated!
Image source: Tumblr
Complications, now that’s the curse of an interesting life, son. If you ask for the tequilas, you will be served some lemons too. You just need to know how to compliment the two and create an astounding blend out of it!
Suggestion: Take it with a pinch of salt! 😉
5. Talk to us about everything. Just not everything.
You mean, we should talk dirty with you but skip the PMS-ing, menstruating, nose digging, farting, burping details! Eww, right?!
6. Dye in the wool but don’t start ringing the wedding bells!
And a few months prior to this, you were like “Come to my practice sessions (look hot), meet all my friends (look hot), listen to all my problems (look hot) and sleep with me (look y-y-yum!), but don’t get the lame idea that we are dating!!! #meh
Suggested read: If girlfriends were really honest on WhatsApp…
7. Be a total low maintenance Toyota but look like a ‘Handle with Extreme Care’ Mercedes Benz!
Image source: medium
If you want to rush us when we are getting ready, brace yourself for dashed results! We operate like Karma; you will be served what you deserve!
8. Be every man’s dream but sever all relations with any humanoid that happens to have a d*ck.
Image source: Giphy
And you also don’t discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, right?!
9. When a guy does something really sweet for you, you should reward him* suitably.
*Terms and conditions apply: Holds true only if you are the guy, eh?
10. Don’t have that poker face and say something and mean something else. However, don’t display more than a single emotion a week. #TooHardForUsToHandle!
And you expect the same from us when we are on birth control pills? The word you should be looking for is “Thank you”, since we are enduring all that boob soreness and weight gain so that you don’t need an umbrella for your soldier!!!!
11. Be independent and sh*t but don’t challenge our masculinity!
Image source: continuumissues
I hope you have noticed by now that we are talking about “contradictory expectations” in this article, so, buster, hear me out and hear me out well when I say, an independent woman can not only challenge your masculinity but also ask you to prove it, if need be. Let that need never crop up, okay?!
12. Look after us. Just don’t tell anyone about it!
My middle finger’s itching!
Why you do this to us, when we don’t expect you to be the ‘ideal man?’ Is ‘man’ even the right word for you??
Image source: Tumblr
Was that a contradiction too? OK, bye!
Featured image source: quickmeme