Breakups are hard, period. How you get over someone is totally up to you. Whether you start dating someone soon after, or wallow in self-pity for months on end, or go through the motions of living in a zombie state, or hookup with random people to numb the pain, it’s up to you. Of all the options mentioned above, the last one seems popular among many when they say that the best way to get over someone, is by getting under someone else. However, if you’re not careful, you might even hurt yourself rather than get over your ex.
Right. So your head is telling you to get down and dirty with someone post your breakup, but your heart is saying something different. If you find yourself in such a dilemma, here are x questions you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to have rebound sex to get over your ex. If you can honestly answer these questions and convince yourself with them, then you’re ready for it. However, on the other hand, if you’re unable to answer a few of these questions, then you may not be ready for this approach to get over your ex and find another way to heal your heart, or, you need more time. So take your time and make the right choice.
Suggested read: 7 reasons why rebound relationships are a bad idea
1. Can you differentiate between love and sex?
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For many people, love and sex are inextricably intertwined, and they find it hard to dissociate the two. You might think that it’s just sex, that it’s not like you’re falling in love. But, an emotional connection is sometimes inevitable after a physical one, for many. Not to sound sexist, but women more than men find it hard to differentiate between the two. And if you misinterpret an intense physical connection with an emotional one, or worse, label it love, then you’re just making it hard for yourself by falling in love with your rebound, by tearing your heart in two different directions. A rebound, who may never really you love you back. It’s a lose-lose from any way you look at it.
2. Do you think rebound sex is the best way to get over your ex?
At the outset, the idea may seem very appealing to you. But if you’re not sure about having post-breakup sex or you don’t know why you want to go down that path, then you may find yourself being used by people who’d take advantage of your vulnerable moment. This might break your confidence in yourself, which is harmful in the long run. So if you’re having second thoughts about it, don’t do it. Listen to your gut.
3. Do you find yourself making comparisons?
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You may have decided to take the plunge and indulge in post-breakup sex with a rebound. But, do you keep comparing your rebound with your ex all the time? You may not be interested in a relationship with your rebound, but it isn’t fair to compare them to your ex. If you’re giving in to this game of comparison, odds are, you’re still looking for someone to replace your ex, not make you forget them. You need to avoid making your rebound a replacement for your ex, rather have fun while it lasts.
4. Do you hope that your rebound will heal your broken heart?
Let’s make one thing clear: your rebound is a distraction, a diversion, and nothing more. In hopes of seeking healing for your broken heart, don’t forget to use your discretion on choosing your rebound. Sex is a great way to distract yourself from your breakup, but you also need to have fun and share chemistry with this person. The rebound should cheer you up, not bring you down with unnecessary complications.
5. Do you have the right person in mind to rebound with?
An older ex, a person you actually like, a friend who has shown interest in you, are all bad choices for a rebound. There’s always a big chance that the physical intimacy you share will turn into emotional intimacy, and that’s the last thing you’re looking for. It’s like going from the frying pan into the fire. So the best person to rebound with is someone neutral, who understands your specific set of needs and isn’t looking for anything long term.
6. Do you really want to move on?
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Are you sure you want to move on, for good? Don’t use a rebound to get back at your ex or to show them that you don’t care about the breakup. Get into a rebound because you want to distract yourself, to have some fun, and try to put all thoughts of your ex out of your mind. When you clearly know what you want out of your rebound, it becomes easy to have fun and move on.
7. Do you feel guilty with the mere thought of a rebound?
When you breakup with someone, you don’t automatically stop loving or caring about them. If you still have residual love for your ex, then you would probably feel guilty for having sex with someone else. You can easily start thinking that you’re cheating on your ex with your rebound. Do you feel that way? Then you’re most probably not ready for rebound sex.
Also to keep in mind is the fact that if the sexual experience left you with a bad taste in your mouth, then you might just end up feeling dirty and used. You don’t want to feel that way, do you?
8. Are you excited to have a rebound after your breakup?
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Does the thought of a rebound make you excited and happy? Does it make you feel like you’re in control of your life after the breakup? If the thought of you getting intimate with someone else, or even meeting someone new with the intention of getting down and dirty excites you, good for you. It’s one of the good signs that you’re ready to have post-breakup sex, instead of wallowing in self-pity, or worse, pining over your ex.
9. Do you know why you want to have rebound sex?
Be honest with yourself. If you can’t be honest with yourself, then you’re just living in denial. Have rebound sex with someone as a means to distract yourself while your broken heart heals. Use the distraction to pull yourself out of the wallowing self-pity, grief, anger, hurt left behind by your ex. Remember, your rebound won’t heal you, only time has that power.
10. Are you sexually attracted to your rebound?
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Since you’re planning on having lots of sex and fun, not exactly in that order, you should be sexually attracted to them, don’t you think? The sexual attraction you have towards your rebound will leave you feeling good about yourself, make you feel desirable and wanted. However, if you hit the sack with someone you’re not attracted to, just for the sake of having rebound sex, chances are you may not enjoy the experience, or worse, you may end up feeling dirty.
11. Do you know where to draw the line?
This is one of the important questions you need to ask yourself before rebounding with someone. Sex is a great distraction, yes, but if you get carried away and hit the sack with anyone who you cross paths with, you’ll only end up ruining your life. A rebound is not a one-night stand, but a discreet short term arrangement with mutual benefits. There are several opportunists who won’t think twice to use you and abuse you as soon as word gets out that you’re hopping from bed to bed, in a bid to get over your ex. So be careful.
12. Do you think your rebound will work?
Although rebound sex is a great idea in theory, you’re the only person who can answer this question correctly. In your hurry to get over your ex, if you jump into a rebound without thinking it through, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. You need to be clear of what you expect from the rebound, how it’s just a means to an end – your distraction, while having some fun.
One important tip before parting – never rush into a rebound. If you’re not sure, don’t do it. If you’re having second thoughts, don’t do it. If you still love your ex, don’t do it. Take time to think it through, weigh the pros and cons, answer the above questions truthfully, and only then decide to either stay on the cliff or jump with both feet in. Treat your rebound like a casual date. Flirt with them, have fun, and have a nice time in general, without too many feelings and emotions coming to the fore. Don’t make hasty decisions and turn your rebound into a sleazy arrangement. If this happens, you won’t be able to look in the mirror without cringing.
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