We have all experienced that heart-wrenching pain of having our heart broken; it is a feeling that has left us vulnerable and weak to a point where nothing feels like it’s ever going to be okay again. The whole world, in all its glory and beauty, ceases to exist and what remains is the darkness around us—the hollow emptiness left behind by that one person you trusted and loved with all your heart and soul, who let you down time and again.
This unbearable feeling had found its way into me when I had my heart broken by someone I loved, the second time in a row. I kept myself locked away in my room, hidden deep underneath the covers, away from all the people who once made me happy—clinging to the pain of reliving those beautiful memories I once shared with my special someone and how he broke me over and over again, because I let him.
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But they say pain’s a great teacher and I guess I can vouch for that. Having my heart broken by the same person twice taught me a few things I do not believe anything else would have been capable of. Here are a few invaluable lessons I took away from the experience:
1. Don’t push people away
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When your heart is broken, all you want to do is curl up into a micro-ball and die, you never want to come out of that deep, dark hole you have dug for yourself—and it is perfectly understandable. But unless you push through the dark swathes of pain and break your way out, you will never be able to see the light again. It is times like these that the people who once made you laugh can flick their magic wand for smiles and consequent laughter, if you just let them. Surrounding yourself with your friends and family can become just the motivation you need to come through on the other end.
2. Trying is all you control and you decide when to STOP
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from having my heart ripped out of my chest more than once by the same person, it is that trying to anchor a sinking ship is all you can do in a relationship. But if an apology is followed by the same mistakes over and over, you can choose to stop the pressure holding up all the weight of your relation-SHIP is causing you and let go. After all, love is a two-way street and you can’t presume to hold the traffic both ways, by yourself!
3. Love, really, is blind
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When you are in love, everything is all peaches and butterflies—you simply adore the person and are willing to do just about anything for them. So when they break your heart time and again, you are willing to forgive because you can’t imagine letting them go. Your realistic brain uptown tells you to let go but your love-struck heart eclipses all their wrongs and simply deludes you into holding on to the (idea of) the wonderful! Worry not, love can do that to the best of us but there are times when you’d have to do the tough thing and rip the blindfold and shred it into pieces!
4. That inner voice inside you is RIGHT
There was always a part of me that knew better yet I held on to the hope that he is going to change, that maybe somehow I can change him, my love can change him – sometimes, all we need is to pay heed to that sane voice inside us who only wants GOOD for us!
5. Is that really you?
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One thing that stood out in my relationship was that I never realized who the person behind the masked figure really was. I was dating him, alright but I never quite understood just how I could be so foolish as to never be able to see behind the facade.
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6. You start hating yourself
You know you have to let go—you know this is not right for you—yet, you hold on. This makes you question yourself and makes you doubt your own concept of self-worth and self-respect. This is when you have to be strong and let go because you are damaging yourself this way; so, before you start to really hate and lose yourself, please let go. Sometimes, a return journey from the point of self-hate is twice as difficult as the heartbreak!
7. Disappointments all around
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This bit really sucks—not just letting yourself down but also letting down those who love you. There were so many times your friends and family advised you against this but despite their advice to get out of the relationship, you kept inching closer and getting hurt, leading your loved ones into the same dark abyss by seeing you hurt.
8. It can get really tough!
As I mentioned before, heartbreak is never easy and it can wound you into a never-ending spiral of pain — but you have to feel this in order to be stronger, so take it in your stride as a learning experience that is going to make you tougher and wiser!
9. A ray of hope
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You know that feeling when you repeat to yourself how it’s okay, how things will change, how they will turn around — this hope, in this case, can either be your biggest enemy or truest friend! Depends on whether you are rooting to go backward or forward in time!
10. Don’t let people take advantage
Don’t be a pushover! The person hurting you knows very well that no matter what they do, you won’t leave, so they never mend their ways. In this way, you are allowing someone to take you for granted. And both you and I know, we are worth so much more!
11. You will move on
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No matter how broken you are, time heals everything and you will move on. At that very moment when you feel like you whole world’s falling apart, just hold on a little longer and a li’l tighter because eventually, you will move on and that’ll feel great!
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12. YOU
In the end, it is all about you! Be strong and do the right thing, nothing will make you feel better than knowing you did it no matter how much it hurt do it, you owe yourself this much.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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