A lot of people complain about how their partners are difficult to understand, leading to a sub-standard physical relationship. However, if you are willing to improve yourself and want to find out how to be a good lover, then all is not lost, and you can ensure that your relationship only becomes more intimate and mutually rewarding.
Having a healthy sex life is a vital part of a relationship that most people tend to take for granted. If you do not click the first time, or if the sex is not as great as you expected, there is no need to give up and lose hope, because it is a very controllable activity, which some changes and behavioral modifications can improve to a great extent.
Suggested read: 10 legitimate reasons to have more sex with your partner
Here are 12 ways in which you can find how to be a good lover, instead of settling for the average one, because after all, your partner deserves that much.
1. Make sure there is enough foreplay
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Foreplay not only excites your partner, but once they are in anticipation of the main action, the pleasure derived is much more potent. Foreplay does not only involve sexual acts, or stimulation of any kind. It might start hours, or even days before you actually make love with each other. Here are some ways in which you can make your partner feel the sexy things even before you do anything sexual:
- Dance to slow music
- Buy her racy lingerie
- Kiss unexpectedly, and forget all the sweetness, bring out all the passion you can muster, and then let go without taking it further
- Compliment their physique (and NO one can possibly complain about that!)
- Touch them in sensitive spots like the waist and brush their neck in public places because physical touch can work wonders
- Give your partner a full body massage.
2. Do not neglect personal grooming and self-care
You might be wondering how taking care of yourself can possibly lead to you becoming a better lover, in relation to your partner. This simple act constantly keeps their sense of sight, smell, and touch heightened, and I apologize for objectifying people here, but just the way people are attracted to a pretty window display or anything pretty, your partner too will be attracted to you, because it is psychology. Not that they love you any less when you are at your worst, but looking good will only make your partner feel a little hungrier when they see you. Here are personal grooming tips to become a better lover:
- Take time out to dress well
- Women can dress is risqué lingerie, especially when anticipating an exciting night
- Men, too, can put in an effort while dressing, along with a special cologne
- Eat right and exercise and maintain personal hygiene.
3. Talk about what you are comfortable with
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It is very important to understand your partner’s boundaries and likes and dislikes, and it is important for them to know yours as well. For this, you need to talk about what you are comfortable with, and what you are not. You might be into some rough action, but they may be more of the “make love” kind, and for situations like this, you need to strike a balance, if you want to understand how to be a good lover. Here are some of the things that you should talk about:
- Is the use of accessories and toys okay with both of you
- What are your ultimate sexual fantasies
- Whether there was anything off with your previous lovemaking sessions
- What is it that both of you love best about each other (in relation to sex, of course).
4. Go on an adventure, instead of having sex
Getting intimate with your partner is one of the most exciting and satisfying feelings in the world, only if you choose to make it so. One of the worst things that you can do is make sex boring. You have to keep your partner on their toes at all times, especially because it can get quite un-exciting, quite soon. When you go out of your way to spice things up, no matter how frequently you have sex, you might have just mastered the art of how to be a good lover. Here are some suggestions to help you on your mission:
- Explore their bodies. Find out all the unconventional sensitive spots on them, which make them unique such as behind the knee or the small of their back, instead of sticking to the conventional places
- Go out of your comfort zone to make them feel comfortable because an unselfish lover is always a great lover. That little extra effort can go a long way in making your partner writhe with excitement
- Get intimate with them when they are least expecting it. For example, surprise your partner in the shower, in the kitchen and other such unconventional places, instead of having regulated, scheduled intercourse (boring!).
5. Understand that intimacy is not an on and off switch
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Most people tend to draw a lot of inspiration from porn, and think just imitating them will yield great results. That is a lie, because most of what happens in blue films are a lie. Intimacy and intercourse is not an on and off switch that you can tweak around and get what you want. Here are some other better alternatives:
- Go slow with your movement and actions. Hurrying will only lead to unnecessary stress
- Try out different amounts of pressure and motions
- Progress to the good parts, instead of jumping straight to it.
6. Take control of the situation
Essentially, what I am asking you to do is to be domineering. Take note that I am not asking you to be dominating in bed and engage in violence, I am asking you to take control and show your lover that you are in charge when you are making love. This is one of the most exciting feelings ever. Here are some ways you can do that without scaring your partner:
- Stay on top
- Make sure that you have her pinned down without being creepy about it
- Do things to your partner, instead of the usual mutually rewarding sex that people tend to have.
Suggested read: 10 brilliant reasons why makeup sex is seriously sexy
7. Take care of your surroundings
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This is one of the things that is non-related to intercourse, that you have to keep in mind if you want to figure out how to be a better lover. I know that spontaneity and excitement and surprises are always welcome and conducive to a sexy lovemaking session, but not when your room is a cluttered mess and there is dirt, dust, and garbage lying everywhere. Take care of the following things before you get down to business:
- Be considerate and don’t have anything she is allergic to lying around
- Make sure that the environment in which you will be doing it is clean and presentable
- You can even go that extra mile and light candles and other romantic things, which will do the seducing for you.
8. Make enough noise in bed
This is one of the quintessential things that people seem to miss out on when they are making love. They don’t seem to understand, that making pleasure noises in bed is one of the greatest turn-ons ever, and also, it is great as encouragement. If you like something that your partner does, make some noise, even if you claim to be the “no-noise” type. As simple as that!
9. Ensure that your partner feels confident about their body
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Sex is, at the end of the day, losing your clothes (most of the time) and engaging in one of the most primal acts ever. It is wrong to expect yourself or your partner to look like supermodels, but circumstances compel us to feel conscious anyway. It is your duty, if you really want to be a good lover, to ensure that your partner is confident about their body.Otherwise, they will not be able to open up to you properly, and the pleasure too will be compromised. Here are some ways in which you can tell your partner they are beautiful:
- Make sure that you compliment them often enough, and you mean it
- Caress all their body parts, and not just the conventional ones when you are making love
- Tell them they are perfect exactly as they are.
10. Be sensitive to their needs and requirements
Sometimes, you are the one who needs to compromise and adjust in order to make them happy. If you want to know how to be a good lover, then this is one of the most important pointers that you have to understand, otherwise you will end up driving them away or at least, intimidating them. In order to be sensitive, you have to:
- Not force yourself on them when they are not in the mood to have sex
- Kiss them without the anticipation of it going any further
- Have sex with them, even if you might not be in the mood to do so.
11. Ask the right questions
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Oftentimes, in the pursuit of being good in bed, people tend to end up focusing on the wrong things, such as questions like, “did my partner climax or not.” These are not the kind of questions you should be asking, because frankly, it is quite a downer, and for women, the answer is often a lie. What you should be asking is whether your partner enjoyed it or not. Here are some tips which can help you focus on the right thing, in order to become a better lover:
- You have to ensure that your partner is enjoying the experience, rather than waiting for them to climax
- Make sure you take your time to make the experience memorable
- Do not criticize or crack inane jokes when you are having sex with your partner
- Do not be very obviously disappointed if they didn’t climax after all.
Suggested read: Is sex among the things that get better with age?
12. Never underestimate the aftermath
Just because you have finished your intercourse session does not mean that you are done and dusted for the time being. Intimacy is built based on what you do immediately after you have done it as well. You should definitely not wish your partner a polite goodnight and go to sleep, or rush off to another place after you have just made love. Here is what you should do though:
- Make sure that you maintain physical contact after you have finished
- Ideally, you should not fall asleep, but instead, talk about what just happened, and everything you enjoyed about it
- Cuddle, for as long as possible.
I know this might sound like it is too much work, but these simple steps ensure that you become the best possible lover for your partner, and of course, the best possibly version of yourself when it comes to lovemaking, because the person you are in a relationship with deserves this much at least.
Happy loving!
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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