Weddings are full of *crazy* and you know how much I love *crazy* don’t you? Weddings are so much fun, it makes me want to get wedded too! Especially, now whilst I am stationed at a cousin’s wedding and am typing about weddings on my tablet! 😛 The only hiccup, however, is to get a man to agree to be the groom. 😉 😛
And because that wedding is a distant dream (hopefully, not impossible), enjoy my take on the token characters that are inevitably a part of most wedding scenes. I have been here for a while and since I cannot digest so many wedding guests at a time, I decided to regurgitate it all on my tablet- for you lovely folks to read- and laugh your day away! After all, wedding guests account for about 70% of the crazy I am so fond of … 😉
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So, without further ado, meet the token wedding guests I have been ‘fake-smiling’ to (trust me, my face hurts whilst I type) for three days now … here’s another one – Hi Aunt Marge, how have you been? <Big toothy grin> :
1. That uncle who just cannot hold his drinks but doesn’t stop downing them
This is the guy who sits on a table adorned with emptied decanters, glasses, bottles and still has room for more. Coz saying no to alcohol is blasphemy! So, this uncle will just drink … and drink … and drink … and drink … and drink … and then drink some more … and then down another peg – until he says ‘I want to dance now,’ of course with a glass in hand, or perhaps, on the head – if he can hold it there for a few!
2. The single bridesmaids who are *looking*
Coz aren’t weddings the best place to meet someone special??
3. The aunt who just has to judge
This lady will sit with a perennial smirk on her face and pass nasty remarks about *everything* From the drunken-and-dancing cousins on the dance floor, living their ‘clubbing phase,’ to the not-so-secretly-desperate bridesmaids, the scanner eyes of the I-am-judging-you aunt do not spare anyone in their line of vision.
4. The aunt who just cannot help stressing about *everything*
Now this one is usually an elder aunt who frets about everything. Everything -no exceptions. And she stresses about every little thing so much that people get worried sick about her health. My advice- one brandy and she should be sorted.
Ooh – this one is my personal favorite. Don’t you know that she only entertains all-vegan items on the menu and how that low-fat, decaf, vanilla-flavored morning coffee should be sent up to her room – first thing in the morning? I think we should possibly instruct the room service guy to stir some unicorn droppings too! Would be a good mix, eh? 😉
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6. The freeloaders
These make up the maximum populace at the wedding scene. They shall stuff their plates with oodles of chicken and still not worry about the gravy that is flowing down like a river, out and down to grace the cathedral length wedding veil of the bride … oopsie! They will simply sneak away to enjoy the chicken in peace! What – that’s wedding guest etiquette in their books! 😛
7. The self-important narcissists
Now these are smug people who shall throw a hissy fit if anybody as much as questioned their ‘undeniably-crucial’ role in the wedding! And why not – standing in the wedding hall whilst flaunting an Elie Saab with some precious pearls on your neck is about as important as the commandments of the priest who bound the couple in holy matrimony!
8. The one-too-into-his-cell phone-to-notice-the-vows
This person has to avoid all the drama and therefore, shall immerse himself/herself in his cell phone. He shall tweet about all the drama, though! 😉
9. The pesky photographer
This guy really needs to chill with those shutterbugs! And not use them while I am eating. Seriously. <Angry glare>
10. The camera-obsessed cousin
Have you seen that girl who is present in almost every frame and has posed for all pics even when she isn’t very close? Yep, she is the photo-crazy cousin from Canada. I have a doubt she was stalking the photographer! 😛
11. The marriage bureau Grandma
This one will get you hooked before the newlyweds take off for a honeymoon! You think she can help my case? 😉 What – just kidding! 😛
12. The gossip queens
This group knows everything about everyone. Ask them why Bryan called off the engagement and they will tell you all about Jane’s roving ways! Just make sure you do not believe all you hear!
13. The alcohol tankers
The species near the bar. And why not? Free alcohol! 😉
14. Umm … well … the bride and the groom
They aren’t really guests – but hey, these poor souls are getting married. But the other clowns don’t give a rat’s a**! Well, not the ones on this list, anyway! 😛
If there are any wedding guest types that I have missed out on, well you can type away too … there’s a comments section down below built just for that.