People are under the impression that women are hard to decode, but the truth is that ‘women are complicated’ is just a load of BS. People, in general, are averse to revealing themselves to other people, unless they are ridiculously extroverted. If you are interested, and want to know how to get to know a guy even before you are friends with him, then you have to progress carefully and get through to him to the point where he feels comfortable enough to talk to you about himself.
All people have social masks that hide who they really are, as they try to hide or show a personality which is not their own to other people. The trick is to permeate that mask, and understand who they are for real, and figure out for yourself how interested you are in him.
Here are the different stages and processes through which you can get to know a guy.
Suggested read: A comprehensive guide on how to date someone
THE STRANGER STAGE
This is the stage where you like a guy, but from afar. Neither do you know him, nor does he know you. You might be vague acquaintances, or your friends might know each other, but you are immediately attracted to him; he looks like the interesting kind, and you can’t wait to get to know him. Here is how you can make yourself familiar with a stranger who looks like he could be a potential friend.
1. Do not be anti-social
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Most people are afraid of approaching other people, when they don’t know them. Ironically, social media has made people anti-social because it is easier to ping people on Facebook and follow them on Instagram and find out everything about their life, instead of talking to people in real life. If you want to know how to get to know a guy for real, then it is important that you get rid of your anti-social tendencies and act like an actual social being. Smile at people, mix with company, be bold enough to smile at him, and do not freak out if he smiles back (because that is what normal people do).
2. Make the first move
In order to get to know someone, you have to go speak to them, and it is absolutely foolish to wait for them to come speak to you first. The days of women being approached by men are past. If you are interested in a guy, go up and speak to him, if he looks like he is feeling social.
3. Be observant about the things he says
It is natural for you to strike up a conversation after the initial pleasantries have been exchanged. First impressions are very important, and are often the lasting impressions. If you do end up together and have babies, you will be talking about this meeting over and over, for several years. Make sure you start to understand who he is immediately, by paying attention to the things he says.
4. Work on that sense of humor when you are talking
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One sure-shot way of impressing the person you are having a conversation with, is using your sense of humor. If you are funny or even witty, you are likely to catch his attention, just like he caught yours. Also, talking about him and asking him questions about him is a great way to keep the conversation going.
5. Decide whether he is worth your time and set up another date
If the initial meeting stage went really well, it is time to set up a future meeting, so that your man doesn’t disappear into the void. Without coming across as creepy, ask him what he is doing over the weekend and set up a meeting.
THE FRIENDS STAGE
This is also like a second round of elimination where you decide whether he is worth your time or not. At this stage, you two are slightly more comfortable with each other and the awkwardness has passed, and you have basic intel about him. You have to now see whether he is friend material, or boyfriend material, or neither.
1. You can start flirting and see how he reacts to that
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It’s a good sign if he responds with counter flirting, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he is interested in you as you are interested in him. The purpose is to make him feel comfortable with and around you. Unleash your inner, coy flirt, and show him that you really like him.
2. Tell him about yourself honestly
This is the stage where you start telling him about yourself honestly. When you start talking about yourself and start revealing things about yourself that you wouldn’t normally do to strangers at a party, he too will start talking about himself. He may not become your best friend at this point, but you will certainly get to know more about him as a person.
Suggested read: 10 vital tips on how to get a girlfriend
3. Ask him personal questions
You can find out more about your guy, just by asking him about his life and the people in it. Whether it is his friends, his family, his exes, you could find out a lot about a person just by learning the most common facts about him.
4. Past girlfriends is a great way to find out more about your guy
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I am not asking you to go stalk his ex-girlfriends on Facebook and confront them in a dark alley. Knowing about his exes can reveal a lot about who he is and what he expects out of people. It is tempting to modify yourself into the perfect partner for him, but it is advisable to not change yourself for a guy, even if you are hella bent on dating him.
5. Have intelligent discussions and arguments
Having intelligent discussions is a vital part of every friendship, and not just when you want to figure out how to get to know a guy. This way you can find out about his opinions, ideas, thoughts, and general attitude to and in life.
6. Go out with him as much as you can, and slyly refer to them as dates
There are other ways to let him know that you are interested in him as well, for example, by telling him he would make a great boyfriend. Link your arms with him when you are walking, and even tell him how his ex lost out on a great guy by breaking up with him, etc. This is more mature than flirting when it comes to getting to know a guy.
7. Ask him out on a real date and unleash your charm
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After you have known him as a friend, it is time to take things to the next stage. After being acquaintances and close friends with him, if you are still interested in dating him, then ask him out! Refer to your next outing as a real date, and see how things pan out.
THE BOYFRIEND STAGE
The getting to know a guy process doesn’t stop when he becomes your boyfriend. In fact, being in such close proximity with him gives you the opportunity to observe him further. You can get to know him better by observing his actions, his behavior towards others and much more.
1. Have conversations with him instead of interrogating him
Do not grill him and ask him random questions all of a sudden. No matter who you are talking to, it is important to make them feel comfortable about themselves. Ask him simple questions and get him to feel comfortable around you, because even though he is your boyfriend, he might have trouble opening up right away. Depending on his answers, ask him the next questions to find out more about him.
2. Respect his privacy
Don’t force him to talk when he doesn’t want to talk. And don’t snoop. You’ll push him away because he is going to find out one way or another. You might be surprised at how much you find out by respecting his privacy and giving him his space.
3. Don’t judge him based on his social media presence
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When you are in a relationship with a man, it is very easy to misjudge him based on his behavior with other people, or his behavior on social media. Try to spend time with him in real life, rather than judging him based on his posts, his pictures on Instagram and the like.
Suggested read: 8 surefire tips on how to avoid awkward silences during a date
4. Be a good listener and observer
This is a point that should be constant throughout the three phases of being with a guy that you are interested in. If you want to know how to get to know a guy, learn how to be a good listener and a good observer, so that you pick up on the finer points of his personality, and learn a lot more about him.
Getting to know a person actually takes a lifetime, but before you can get to that, there is a process that you can follow through various stages of your acquaintance, in order to get to know a guy you are truly interested in. Good luck!
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