The perfect girlfriend is a myth (and a movie, of course!) and I am certainly not wasting my time even fantasising about a pair of flawless b**bs… I mean, an ideal girl! All I am looking for is a basic girl to compliment an average guy like me. Oh! You don’t know what makes a girl basic? Well, she is:
- Someone who is a bro but with girl parts.
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- Someone who knows when to make me feel like a bachelor and when not! 😉
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- Someone who puts in everything to make the relationship work, and lets me ‘put in’ whatever I want to!
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- Someone who loves me with all her heart and b**bs. Not necessarily in the same order!
- Someone who doesn’t mind being called a basic b*tch! C’mon it’s alliterative to say the least!
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- Someone who never gets ‘senti’ about anything!
For example: “Baby you okay? Your dog was squeezed in by the pot while taking a dump!”
Her : “Yep, whatevs!”
- Someone who is man enough to enjoy whiskey and that’s enough manliness!
- Someone who does not only watch soccer with me, even if clueless AF, but also yells at the screen referring to the team with the color of its jersey!
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- Someone who has a non-threatening job like a junior assistant at a cotton candy store! (Basically non-threatening to me!)
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- Someone who says “I am fine” and means it!
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- Someone who doesn’t ask questions like, “Do I look fat?” Because then I don’t mean what I say!
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- Someone who is not an emotional drunk and handles her alcohol! Coz who’ll take care of me then!
- Someone who isn’t insecure! There is nothing sexier than a woman who isn’t insecure. Except love handles, of course!
- Someone who makes me work for it. But only slightly!
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- Someone who wears heels but doesn’t complain about how uncomfortable they are!
- Someone who wears heels and is still shorter than me.
- Someone who doesn’t spend a fortune at the parlour and certainly, doesn’t take a lifetime getting dressed!
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- That, however, doesn’t mean she is allowed to look like Tootsie!
- Okay, okay! She can doll up but just do it without my knowledge and certainly without my dough!
- Someone who never says no to a bro night and instead keeps food ready for us when we are home!
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- Someone who doesn’t tell me the horror story of her periods but notifies me with an alert a week prior!
- Someone who’s cool with a threesome. 2 d*cks for only 2 b**bs is surely not an option, so you know what the gender distribution’s going to be!
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Suggested read: 9 things to keep in mind while dating an impatient person
- Someone who is happy with being my girlfriend and doesn’t try to become my mother! I already have one, remember?
- Someone who has the following in her hobby list: stripping, pole dancing, dirty talking, giving BJs… cooking, cleaning, washing etc.
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- Someone who gives me a quickie in the morning
- A quicker quickie after lunch
- The quickest quickie before calling it a day!
- Did I mention quickies?!
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- Someone who is thick-skinned!
- I mean, a soft thick skin!
- Someone who doesn’t try to be the boss, except when required to, in a fantasy.
- Be nice to me, but not too nice! 😉
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- Someone I would love to hang out with even when sober!
- Someone I would love to ‘hang it out’ for even when sober!
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- Someone who doesn’t go through my text messages. *Nothing to hide but hates it*
- Someone who doesn’t talk to me about her, ex except to tell me I am so much better!
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Mango wishes of the mango man! Ooh, that reminds me, did I talk about her ‘mangoes’ on the list! 😉
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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