You know, we treat friends as equals, but at times, they act stupid and you have to be the mother hen and hit them on the head to remind them to, umm, well, not be stupid. And this especially happens when they go through a breakup and immediately try to make sh*tty decisions – like going back to the person who they just dumped/got dumped by.
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While some of your friends might be dating douchebags, some might be letting go of a sweet, good guy. But a breakup is a breakup and it happens for a reason – and it is always better to let it be than to try and stick the shards back together – and live the dream of a 2016 fairy tale in which you ‘almost let The One get away’ but got back together and got married and lived happily ever after.
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But your friend is hell bent on being a retard and getting back with an ex, and you can’t help but wish to tell them what you are thinking:
- Are you fricking stupid?
- You must be out of your mind, girl.
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- It’s going to be the same, you know?
- “It will just be like old times.” Yes, the old time when he fought with you every day and you cried? Yeah… fun.
- You broke up with him for a REASON!
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- What if he does the same thing again and you guys break up?
- You were supposed to be SINGLE with me! You’ve abandoned me. *sniff*
- Um, does this mean I can’t talk sh*t about him anymore?
- Eh, I am sure going to miss dissing that guy.
- You’ve given up freedom for being in a sh*t relationship, stupid.
- Am I allowed to say ‘I told you so,’ then?
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- Will I be allowed to call him names then? (Say yes, please)
- Is it just for the sex?
- NO, he hasn’t changed, woman!
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- Don’t complain about the same things to me again in a month’s time. Especially if you don’t want to hear ‘I told you so’.
- Please get a grip and just join Tinder.
- What about all the money I spent on alcohol to make you feel better? Is this how you repay me?
- Why do you ask for advice if you aren’t going to take it?
- “You know, this time will be different.” Probably. NOT.
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- Please, for the LOVE OF GOD, reconsider.
- Remember when you dissed my ex and I DIDN’T go back to him?
- What if I murder him? Will it help?
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Breakups suck. Even if they aren’t yours.
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