Have you ever met a guy for whom the question where is this going? or the many of its synonymous counterparts weren’t a conversational bomb dropped by his girlfriend at just the moment when he couldn’t run for cover? Have you ever met a guy who felt like his insides hadn’t been shot with a funnel of lukewarm Montezuma tequila when his girlfriend decided to plan the entire travel itinerary to a place called ‘happy forever,’ and merely handed him his ticket?
Well, I haven’t. Not yet. And since I haven’t had the luck(?) to chance upon these few and few between Lovey Loverson-s (if any) who won’t have their ‘commitment-alert’ alarms going into overdrive when the where is this going bomb is dropped, I guess I have become quite the expert in the other, more common-er pals of my species – the Scaredy Sams who sprint for the mountains when the girlfriend wants to become more! The ones who actually shift their mental gears at ludicrous speeds when the girl they are seeing asks, So hon, where is this going?
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And when THAT happens, here’s everything their brain-vehicle whirls past to drive beyond the where is this going signal (and dudes, this is first-hand):
1. WHAAATTTTTTT-THE-F*CK just happened?
2. Did she really ask that?
3. Maybe I can pretend I didn’t hear it over all the music.
4. But then, she will have me in a corner when she asks again!
5. Maybe I can laugh it off!
6. Yes! Bravo – I will laugh it off… but wait, that’s insensitive…
7. Damn, why do chicks fling such f*cking loaded questions at us?
8. And she wants me to answer that? Now? Like, really?
9. Who does she think I am? Siri?
10. I mean, I don’t even know what we are going to be doing this Saturday!
11. Plus, isn’t it too early? It’s like asking a kindergarten kid to solve differential equations!
12. I mean, we’re just dating!
13. Yeah – that’s it – let me tell her we’re dating and we will see where it goes!
14. That makes sense right – I mean, if I knew, I’d have skipped the prelims and gone for the last lap, no?
15. Nah, that’s not gonna work, she might take it the wrong way – and I kinda like her.
16. Which is exactly why she shouldn’t put me on the spot like this.
17. Doesn’t she know I like her?
18. I have dropped enough hints, right?
19. Wait, I even told her that ‘I like her’ THREE times!
20. So, then what is all this about?
21. No seriously, what does she want – that I sign myself over for like ‘forever?’
22. Man, chicks are silly.
23. Maybe I should just blurt an ‘I don’t know.’
24. Yep, a big, fat ‘I don’t know’ for pulling off a Satanic stint on me!
25. Nah, that would make me a total jerk.
26. But the alternative is lying. Coz I REALLY DON’T, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KNOW where is this going!!!!!
27. I mean, if I just lie that ‘we’re headed somewhere GOOD,’ she’ll start building air castles about a proposal, an engagement, a wedding, the reception, the honeymoon, and ohhh-the-woe-of-me – ‘a happily married ever after.’ Aaaarrggghhh!
28. What do I do?
29. Maybe I should try a coughing fit.
30. Ahh, what a sham!
31. Why doesn’t that damn phone ring when I could do with a buzz or two!
32. Maybe I should play the ringtone myself to make it seem like a bro is calling…
33. Play a ringtone? Seriously – get a grip, man. You need to chill the f*ck out.
34. Maybe she’s just messing around.
35. Yeah, she’s messing around – haha, that’s funny.
36. NOPE, not funny at all!!
37. Can I pull off a ‘we need to talk’ right now?
38. Maybe that’s the best – I mean, sure, I like her but I can’t COMMIT. NOT NOW.
39. Yeah, I should tell her ‘I cannot commit now. Got way too much on my plate.’
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41. But what if she wants to fix my fiscal situation, sift and sort through my work problems, and get me to talk of my ‘personal sh*t,’ huh?
42. Damn, John was right – the woman is a stage-five clinger! She IS capable of THAT!
43. So NO, can’t let that sh*t hit the fan!
44. Maybe I should just say what she wants to hear.
45. I mean, there’s no paperwork here, no lawyers, no witnesses – she can’t hold me to it.
46. Yeah, let me say, ‘we’re headed somewhere GOOD’ – it’s no big deal.
47. But that’s vague and girls pop more sh**ty questions to vague-ish replies!
48. Man, she has got me GOOD!
49. Girls get you GOOD and how!
50. Let me just give her her happy illusion and then, poof! I will vanish! And FOREVER!
And after the long drive, most of us end up parking in the ‘I love you’ zone! <facepalm>
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License