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If Valentine’s Day Gifts Could Talk…

What would Valentine’s Day cards say if they could tell the truth?

I mean sure an expensive card with ‘romantic quotes’ written on it does not mean what it says! What do these mushy cards really mean? We tried to decode the ulterior motive behind all the red lacey love and pink fleece-y passion splattered on Valentine’s Day cards to make money off your intentions and  perhaps, get you some action! But hey, no harm no foul, right?

teddy bear

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Let me clue you in though: Valentine’s? Wanna bang?

Read on to find out what each of these cards/gifts are trying to tell you:

  • Single people be like…

“Thank you, hands, for being there when no one else was! <3 <3 <3”

  • “Please don’t leave me, darling,

For I have,

Grown fat and lazy,

And have not the energy to find anyone else”

  • “Baby, I really love you,

As you are fuc*ing rich”


  • “You are so funny,

Makes up for your lack of hotness!”

  • “We may fight a lot,

But I won’t leave because the sex is great”

  • “I bought you this card because,

I got you nothing else”

  • “Sometimes I wish I had never met you…”


No, that’s it.

  • “I know you told me no presents,

Hence this card,

Cheap and cheesy, guaranteed to get me laid.”

  • “Thank you for dating me when no one else would”
  • “I haven’t yet grown sick of your shit.”
  • “Here is a sweet card for you,

Which says what, I know not,

And a bouquet of roses,

Because, well, sex.”

Suggested read: 10 gifts that will ensure you are dumped on Valentine’s Day

  • “I would have broken up with you six months ago,

If not for your rocking body.” Ily xoxo

  • “I still remember the day I saw you,

Whimpering in that parking lot as I walked towards you,

Happy Valentine’s Day! ☺

  • “You are my favorite thing to do!”
  • “Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

This shit is expensive,

Take off your clothes.”

  • “I am not your stalker,

I am your lover, baby <3”

  • “I actually wanted to date your best friend,

But you’re pretty hot too! ☺”

Well, I would actually prefer any of these cards (except, well, the stalker ones) instead of the same, repetitive cheesy crap they print on cards since eternity! Honesty is the best policy they say, no? 😉 😛

We wish you a smashing Valentine’s Day, which brings you lots of love and preferably, no heartbreak! ☺

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Article Name
If Valentine's Day Gifts Could Talk
What would happen if the Valentine's Day gifts and cards told the truth? ;)
Amrin Talib

Amrin Talib

I am a brunette and an egalitarian. I love good food, cats, dogs, and books. I love to write, along with being an adrenaline junkie who hopes to travel the world someday. I have a cat named Duck.