So he said, ‘honey, it’s fine’ but then gritted his teeth leaving you wondering what he really meant- AGAIN! And the other day, he told you he had eyes just for you when you could see they were popping out, all ready to garnish his lasagna whilst the girl with her ta-ta’s pushed up to her chin passed by! Wondering when boyfriends will ever come clean?
ASIDE- when you’d stop saying ‘I’m fine,’ ‘Nothing’ or ‘It’s okay. Do what you want’ when you mean none of it…
Yep, you got that one right, lassie- NEVER!
But just because you can’t get it straight from the horse’s mouth does NOT mean you cannot ever decode what these boyfriends really mean- especially when you guys are waging war or he is passively shielding himself against your attack (yeah, admit it already). So, issued in public interest, the perfect #BoyfriendTranslator to help you out:
Suggested read: How NOT to be an annoying boyfriend on social media
1. Pretty, Yes Please?
What he says: Yes, honey you are the prettiest women I have ever seen.
What he means: I am tired of your sh*t. I am really not your fuc*ing mirror. I hate Disney for coming up with *mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all*. Geez! Cut me a break!
2. You Can’t Help But Notice Who Has Got The *Hots*
What he says: Lara? Who?! I don’t even know she exists!
What he means: Oh for God damn sake, why can’t you see how hot Lara is! Just because I am on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t crave cake! After all, there is nothing wrong in appreciating hotness.
3. Are We Playing The Judge?
What he says: Okay, fine. You are right.
What he means: Really, I am tired of accepting the mistakes I never did, but go on and accept my apology.
4. Dreading The Dull Date
What he says: So, you didn’t have a good date? Are you serious?
What he means: What the f*ck do you mean when you say you had a dull date? Who is to be blamed for the sh*t?
5. Commitment Is A Sentence
What he says: Don’t worry; I won’t bring this up again.
What he means: I am tired of the lame melodrama. I wish I was single. Life is so much fun with boys.
6. The Shark Week Dilemma
What he says: I am sorry you are upset.
What he means: You are on your bloody hormones and it is wrong for me to breathe! Sweet Jesus, open your eyes and see!
7. The Big Marathon Is Here
What he says: I will never leave you.
What he means: What on earth made me commit to this ferocious lady out to seek my feisty little heart! God forbid I should run.
8. No, I Don’t!
What he says: I understand.
What he means: I don’t give a damn to what you say but FML, I still need to say that I understand what you mean when trust me, I don’t.
9. Let’s Be Single And Still Mingle
What he says: I don’t think it’s working out.
What he means: It could have worked if you weren’t busy mimicking Marilyn Monroe all the time. I want to get back to my single life, spare me please!
10. Dry Days Are Here
What he says: I miss the *us* we used to be
What he means: Do you have any f*cking idea when was the last time we did it? It’s been ages and I think my thing has retracted and gone inside!
11. I Prefer Throwing Up To Being With You
What he says: Don’t do this to me.
What he means: I am THIS close to giving up on you. You sicken me and I am not your punching bag. May be, I could show some boxing moves too. But then, you’d drop tear-bombs, won’t ya! F*ck the unfair-ness of it all!
Suggested read: 10 reasons why travel trumps having a boyfriend
12. Aw, This One Calls For An Aww…
What he says: I do love you.
What he means: Yes, despite every single shitty thing which may happen, the truth is that I love you, I really really do.
Boyfriends, I nailed it, didn’t I? 😛 😉