Any man on the planet will tell you that monogamy is quite a challenging commitment for their species. Even back when they were wearing pelts, they weren’t so much mating with women as trying to impregnate as many hominid females as they could. But I would like to believe that the world has come a long way from then, and sex as we know it today, isn’t just about exchange of bodily fluids and the unique information in your double helix. After all, today you grill your meat before you eat it too – and it, most definitely, tastes better. Doesn’t it?
Suggested read: Why good men won’t cheat ever!
Now, MEN might argue that if that is so, isn’t it even more exciting to promise yourself as many dishes as you can sample than simply tasting the one entrée you ticked off as your favorite? My answer – NO. And before you start shooting your ‘old school,’ ‘conservative,’ ‘prude’ and such ammo in my direction, let me tell you I am not against the concept of polygamy – as long as it is a mutually agreed-upon decision and involves complete transparency on both sides. I understand the pitfalls of monogamy as a dominant cultural script and the immense rigors of conforming to it. I understand how the biological hammering from the Darwinian hardware can be defeated by the equally strong and antagonistic forces of cultural software – and how the skinned over wounds may rankle at the bottom! (All puns, if it wasn’t clear already, intended).
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My only problem with the whole issue is – why the prospect of mounting anything with a blood pressure seems like such a lucrative option when you have made a CHOICE to be in a monogamous relationship and by definition, ‘loyal’ to somebody for life. Of course, you can blame it on the biology, the lack of sex at home or the quality thereof, the unintentional flitting, the drunken mistake, and so on – but here’s the naked truth – alcohol may be an enemy to fidelity, you may give in to temptation when the most virulent of monogamy manglers may be meddling with your man-meat, you could be starved or simply bored – but none of those reasons discount for the fact that the thrusting could not have happened if you didn’t want it to. You do not walk out on the board, if you don’t want to dive in. And let’s believe, for a moment, you didn’t want to plunge in-then why walk out at all, there’s always the risk of falling.
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My problem, therefore, lies in the CHOICE of monogamy and thereafter, straying. Maybe the men aren’t considering that the cliché of ‘not tonight, I have a headache’ wife is ingrained in their minds or that they might not be bringing in the required heat to the ho-humming between the sheets or just the plain understanding of the fact that their partner has pledged to be monogamous too – so if they wish to couple the Darwinian hardware and cultural software and make them allies – this woman will be emboldened by the thought of being the alpha and omega of his erotic universe and will answer the call of the wild with even wilder hoots! Not such a hard thing to comprehend – even easier to implement! After all, you get the ‘hot, sizzling’ platter, topped with ‘your choice’ of sauces, at HOME. My own theory of how I explain to men in monogamous relationships grappling with the ‘monogamy-dilemma’ as the ‘stare but stay’ policy whilst stoking up the fires at home. But even so, most men seem to be hard-pressed in this internal tug of war (as mentioned above) and keep vacillating between the dual ends.
Here’s what I found when I spoke to men, in various kinds of monogamous relationships (marriage, live-in, and a committed relationship) about their views on the subject:
It is daunting to think I will only have sex with one person for the rest of my life. But I chose that and will strive to keep it exciting. I am sure Jess too will. Right now, I don’t want to think of a time when it will get boring and she will fail to uphold her half of the promise. – Jake, 27
When I was supposed to pop the big question to Erica, I was skewered on the horns of the same dilemma – I had been faithful to her for three long years but didn’t know if I could do it for life – but then, I did it with four women over two weekends. And I knew I didn’t want that. I called her from a booth and proposed. – Jerry, 32
What? Skip the carnal cornucopia? No way. And I don’t want my wife to miss out either. We are both very happy. – Mike, 32
Right now, we’re both in college, so a simple text means she is lying naked beneath me in under fifteen minutes of the text being delivered. And it isn’t a typical 12-minute jackhammer session either. We experiment, we refine – and I play with her body, like I am exploring the subtleties of her terrain, digging deeper, and extricating the treasures of pleasure. And I must say, we are VERY happy. Whether I’d like to be the archaeologist for some other chick would be a NO – until this starts to fizzle. – Aiden, 20
Sometimes, you see someone and wonder what it’d be like to be naked with her. If the opportunity presents itself, I’d be a fool not to take it. My girlfriend need not know. – Paul, 24
It isn’t cheating if you don’t get caught. – Noah, 26
I believe in dialing the heat up all the way at home. There is something immensely gratifying about f**king the mother of my children when she knows that she is my erotic world and I have the pass. With the heat we’ve managed to stoke up for the past twelve years, our lips turn liquid, hips bring on heat, skin dances to the seduction tune, and our loyal love, in all it’s lust, is cemented by trust. – Liam, 42
Yes, I enjoy my entrée. But grabbing a quick bite on the way home or tasting an inviting dessert hasn’t done anyone any harm. Not if I hog on the entrée with an appetite that doesn’t give me away! – Max, 34
My girlfriend and I have been in a live-in for five years now. We are exclusive. Can’t complain. – Ethan, 29
I guess you are entitled to get it somewhere else if you aren’t getting the right kind and the right amount at home. – Oliver, 30
Sarah and I have been together since high school. And every reason on earth that my species would advance as valid for cheating is but a paltry excuse for humping someone and breaking Sarah’s heart. – John, 22
I’m a socio-biologist and I agree with our ‘natural’ inclinations to answer to the calls of the wild. All I’d say is why not make home your own jungle? – Gary, 37
While I have more on the topic of monogamous relationship coming up in the next few weeks, I’d really like to know what you guys think. Leave a comment below.
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