“Stop looking and your prince charming will magically appear someday” and other dumb unsought advice that committed people bequeath upon their single friends with a kind of smug inanity that the latter hate! Here’s how the singles respond to such platitudes vs what they actually are dying to say to their ‘well meaning’ committed friend!
1. “But you are such a nice girl. I would have dated you!”
What you say: “Aww. Such a sweet thing to say!”
Image source: Tumblr
What you want to say: “If dating dim-wits like you was all that I wanted, I would be looking for therapy and not advice, you b*tch!”
2. “Why don’t you give Tinder a shot? The whole world’s on it!”
What you say: “Yeah, but how trustworthy is online dating?”
What you want to say: “I have been on Tinder since the day it was launched and now have a Ph. D. in predicting when exactly the unsolicited d*ck pic is going to arrive in your inbox!”
3. “I think you are being too finicky. May be it is time for you to experiment.”
What you say: “I think you are right!”
What you want to say: “… because it’s the same thing like ordering a mojito instead of the regular iced tea, right?!!”
4. “May be you are trying too hard. That scares men away.”
What you say: “So, you mean, I should play it cool?”
Image source: Tumblr
What you want to say: “Yep. Just like people trying too hard to get a hike scare their bosses away. This is such great advice!”
5. “I think, you should try not being on the lookout for a while.”
What you say: “Who told you I was on the lookout? Oh! I just did!”
What you want to say: “Don’t you know, I just love doing that?! It’s kinda, my thing. I think, even after I do find someone, I will keep looking, because hey! Isn’t that rad!”
6. “Don’t you have a nice friend you could trust and get them to set you up with someone?”
What you say: “Yeah, whatever!”
What you want to say: “Hello, friend!”
Suggested read: What you say about your ex vs what you really mean
7. “The bar is not a place where you will bump into ‘the one’!”
What you say: “I am not trying to fish men in bars?!!!”
What you want to say: “Didn’t you just suggest I try a website, where men post mirror selfies every 5 minutes and also share a list of their favorite dishes with a ‘tongue’ smiley?!!!”
8. “Why is this even a problem? There are issues of peace and conflict, and global warming, of course. That’s where you should put your mind.”
What you say: “#@$%^(In jest!)”
What you want to say: “#@$^(In anything but jest!). Also, why don’t you give me your catch in charity because small basic steps towards peace will ripple out into a huge global wave for harmony?!!!”
9. “You cannot find love. Love finds you!”
What you say: “Where did you read that?”
What you want to say: “Love seems to suck at GPSing then!”
10. “How about developing a hobby instead?”
What you say: “Wha-a—at does that even mean?!
What you actually say: “You mean something like, offering sh*tty advice to people who abso-f*cking-lutely don’t need it?” #Ouch
11. “Quantity brings quality. Why don’t you go on a, say thousand dates, and just have a good time?”
What you say: “That’s the uniquest advice I have got so far”
Image source: Tumblr
What you want to say: “…but it won’t work either coz I have literally gone on a thousand dates, but ‘having a good time’? Now that’s a different saga!”
12. “Stop sleeping around if you want a good guy in your life!”
What you say: “So what’s the point of it all?”
What you want to say: “… NO, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW?!!!!!”
If you do receive very little comfort from these banal pearls of wisdom that your coupled friends shower upon you, I say you speak your mind instead! “Stop trying so hard” to not punch them in the face if need be! 😉
Featured image source: Giphy
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