When you go from single to anything ‘mingled,’ you realize that a whole bunch of skills that you had and put to GOOD use are now lying dormant. God forbid, some of them go extinct too! Don’t believe me? Check out the skills that are sitting in your kitty, catching dust and rust..
1. Awesome flirting skills
You can’t flirt with that guy who’s totally giving you the green from across the bar or the girl throwing clear signals of wanting to take the workin’out out of the gym and into the bedroom! Nah ah. And that’s a shame given how good you are..err…were at this flirting stuff. This was one thing you got straight A’s in.
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2. Straight talk and complete honesty
You cannot be completely honest. Ever. Like, ever.
Me: Do I look fat in this dress?
Him: No, honey, you look absolutely stunning!
Suggested read: Awesome ways to dodge your parents’ questions
3. Being an amazing liar
I know I know- you can’t be honest, you can’t lie- whateven! That’s how hard committed life is! Unless it is for planning a surprise birthday party! Or you know, getting out of stuff your friends have planned…ouch!
4. Knowing about every cool party in town
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While a single life involved being the know-it-all encyclopaedia of all the hep parties in town so you could help yourself and a couple of best buds get laid- committed life gives you a batman-esque exit pass from all the noise- coz you don’t need to cook excuses except say you have plans with each other and you definitely know you are getting some action!
5. Reading texts suggestively
Single: ooh, a winky face- does that mean she’s flirting? she has to be flirting- but wait, no, if she is going all out, I should play hard to get.
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Let me type ‘k’ See, now that’s some legen..wait for it..dary flirting!
Committed: :* :* :* :*
Other person: what is it today?
Stop by Olive Garden on your way home. I want lasagna for dinner!
Other person: okay. :*
6. Being nice to every attractive person you see
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Since you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you don’t feel the need to be nice to every other hot guy/girl you see. You don’t even take the pains to actually know the person, because hey, let’s be honest – that’s futility at its finest! A quick, bored glance will do just fine!
7. Finding amazing new blue films
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This one is pretty obvious. You stop looking for awesome porn once you start getting some, for obvious reasons. The ‘self-love’ skills also start going to the dumps. But your ‘mutual love’ skills get polished, eh? That’s a fair trade-off.
8. Overlooking flaws in people just to be friends with them
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No longer do you feel the maddening scream of your ‘testicles and ovaries’ to just smile and blind yourself to the red flags poking you in your nose- coz you never know when luck comes knocking! Now that you are committed, not only do you have a partner with whom you notice the s*ckiness quotient of the attractive bunch as quickly as that of the not-so-attractive bunch but also laugh it off- over pizza! Life’s GOOD!
9. Staying up all night
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Well, except when you are in the early let’s-make-our-phones-throw-up-because-of-the-mush-we-subject-it-to phase of a relationship, you mostly lose the ability to stay up late. Your sleep pattern automatically mirrors your partner’s now. Also, they call you out on your bullshit when you say ‘Oh, just one more episode and I’ll sleep’. They know what’s up.
Suggested read: 8 dating habits that will cost you big time!
10. Making the right sex noises
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The first time sex entails the TOUGH choice between ooh-s and aah-s coz you don’t want them to think you aren’t having a good time but at the same time, do not want to seem like an overeager bunny! But after a few ravishing romps, it’s a fair balance- they can just look and tell! 😉
Don’t worry. Think of these skills as going into a deep freeze for a long, long time. Nothing is lost, really!
Nope, doesn’t make it any better? But hey! You get a ton of cool relationship-y stuff in exchange! That’s nice too!! Isn’t it?
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