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10 Compelling Causes To Get Cold Feet Or Pre-wedding Jitters

The thought of your wedding day is something you’re either dreading or eagerly waiting for, and if you’re reading this article that is enough to tell you which category you belong to. If your wedding day is coming closer and you’re not excited at the thought of spending the rest of your life with your fiancé(e), then you should definitely consider the points in this article.

Your wedding date is getting closer, and you keep experiencing pre-wedding jitters. Even though they’re very normal, you shouldn’t ignore them altogether because more often than not it’s your gut feeling talking. This doesn’t mean that you call off your wedding, but don’t overlook these signs completely either. Your subconscious knows what’s bothering you, and that’s exactly what your intuition is trying to tell you. You may be completely in love with your fiancé(e), but if unresolved issues are still bothering you, it will be impossible for you to enjoy your wedding preparations, let alone be excited for your future married life.

woman thinking

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The best solution would be to talk to your fiancé(e) about everything that is bothering you. No matter what it is, they are the only person who will address the issue, clarify it, and reassure you which will help you clear your mind completely. Talking to your parents and other married couples won’t give you any peace of mind. You need to address your concerns with the person in question.

Suggested read: 10 telltale signs it’s more than cold feet you’re experiencing

Here are some common causes of cold feet before wedding that could be running through your mind, so think these things through and have a word with your better half if you are worried before making any decisions.

1. You haven’t discussed your future

woman thinking

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If you haven’t sat down with your partner and discussed what the both of you want out of your futures, you’re bound to get cold feet because you have no idea about what to expect out of your married life. It’s best to have a clear idea about issues such as whether you’ll want kids, if yes, then how many and when, who will stay home with the children, and how often will you visit each others’ family. It’s also important to discuss finances, and clarify whether you’ll have one account between the two of you, how will you invest your money, and who will keep track of everything. Also, discuss with your partner about how much of a say your families will have in your relationship. Now would be a good time to talk these things over if you haven’t already, and get some clarity for yourself.

2. Your partner is an addict

woman smoking

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Is your partner addicted to shopping? Do they drink excessively or smoke a pack a day? Any type of addiction can be a lot to deal with, and this may be something running through your mind and causing you to feel unsure of your decision. The best way to deal with this is to break it up into categories in your mind. How long have you known about the addiction and dealt with it? Have you succeeded so far in helping your partner out with this? If not, you can always try some other method and encourage them to go for therapy. Sometimes, it’s easier to deal with this when your fiancé(e)’s addictions aren’t affecting you on a personal level. Figure out if you want to get married to a person who is an addict and help them out with this along the way.

3. Will you be a good spouse?

woman thinking

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Over-thinking is one of the biggest causes of cold feet. You’re not sure if you’ll be a good spouse, because you’re unsure of how to make the transition from dating to married life. Well, no one is completely sure! You’re wondering how you’re going to manage being married, taking care of a new house, and having a new family while still taking care of your responsibilities with your own parents, your career, and your set of friends. Know that it’s a process and it will take time to get settled and be able to balance all the areas of your life. Don’t put pressure on yourself to have your foot at all places. If it’s bothering you too much, speak to your partner about it and settle your nerves.

4. Violent better half

abusive relationship

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There are different kinds of violence, and though none of them are excusable, we hope you know what you’re getting into if your fiancé(e) has been violent in the past, whether it was with you or not. You don’t want to live in fear for the rest of your life, and you shouldn’t have to. Talk to a counselor and sort out your reasons for marrying a violent person. Make sure you’re getting married for the right reasons. Don’t take this one lightly. This could be about more than getting cold feet.

5. Wedding preparation isn’t going according to your plans

wedding planning

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Every bride has a list of things she wants to get done for her wedding and a decided manner in which she wants it done. Anything different from her plans won’t work, because it’s her wedding day! If you’re stressing over the flower arrangements, you’re definitely one of those types of brides. The first thing you need to understand is that you cannot control everything. You can do your best, but if something does go wrong, know that it is out of your hands and is probably not as big of a deal as it is in your head. Separate things into what you absolutely need on your wedding day and what you can do without. Then, get a wedding planner or divide the wedding preparations amongst your closest friends and family members. You cannot control every aspect of your wedding. It’s your day and all you need to do is relax and have a good time instead of worrying about petty things in the larger scheme of things. Too much wedding preparation stress can also mean that you need a break from planning and just enjoy the process.

Suggested read: 10 amazing things your first year of marriage teaches you

6. You’re wondering if you’re ready

woman thinking

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Leaving your family behind, being married to somebody, and sharing a life with them is not something you feel prepared for. It’s a huge change from your current lifestyle, and this is one of the major causes of cold feet. You’re not sure if you’ve made the most of your singlehood and now that your wedding is coming closer, you’re thinking over everything you didn’t do and you should have. Your married life is going to be no different from your current life if you’re marrying someone who understands you and accepts you for who you are. Unless you are still interested in having flings or dating around, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Talk to your partner about your hesitations and make your decisions accordingly.

7. Your spouse has been a cheater


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If your fiancé(e) has cheated on you in the past, here’s a question you need to ask yourself if you’re looking for a future with them: was it their fault solely or was I also responsible in any way? The fact that your fiancé(e) cheated is still their fault, but this question helps you figure out how to make your relationship work if you do plan to trust them again and go ahead with it. Thinking back to it will always bring up negative emotions, so make sure you have taken the time you need to move forward and trust again. Please speak to your fiancé(e) about this and go ahead with the wedding only once you’re convinced that you won’t be cheated on again, and that your trust in each other is restored.

8. You’re stressing over your wedding day

sad woman

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It’s understandable that you’re worrying about how everything will play out on the big day. You might be worried whether your two families will gel with each other or if there will be conflicts. You need to remember that in the bigger picture, it doesn’t matter how your flowers are going to smell or if your cousin says something inappropriate at your wedding. What will matter is how you feel while standing together at the altar, the moment you and your partner are entering a new phase in your life, together, as a single unit – that will be something you will remember for the rest of your life. There’s no point stressing over petty things. Just sit back and look forward to what really matters.

9. Worried about your sex life

couple dissatisfied with sex

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Your sex life with your fiancé(e) can cause cold feet if you already have a sex life you can’t keep up with or you’re finding it too monotonous and you’re wondering if it’ll be the same for the rest of your life once you’re married. Consider going to a counselor to get help with communicating your needs to your partner, if you are unable to tell them yourself. Sometimes, you might not be able to directly communicate your needs to your partner or they might not understand you clearly. Talking to a counselor will only help you gain a better understanding of what you and your partner like, making your sex life much more enjoyable for the two of you.

Suggested read: 8 essential money lessons you MUST learn before marriage

10. Medical history


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Issues related to health can be a cause of cold feet because you’re not certain of your future or how much time you will have with your spouse in an extreme case. The best way to go about this is if you’re unaware of the details of your partner’s medical condition or they don’t know everything about yours, talk about it frankly before you get married. It’s important for the both of you to know what you’re getting into so you can plan your life better and be mentally prepared for anything that may happen. So visit the doctor together and get a better understanding.

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Article Name
10 Compelling Causes Of Cold Feet
Getting pre-wedding jitters is pretty normal. But if getting cold feet has underlying issues, then you need to find the causes of cold feet & address them.
Shachi Lavingia

Shachi Lavingia

Shachi is currently pursuing her Masters in English Literature. She loves catching up on TV shows and spends her time doodling about things that make a difference. You will often find her at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, sipping on Ice Blended Mocha while she writes about things that actually matter. You can have a look at her work here: