In the movie, ‘He’s Just Not That Into You,’ Gigi played by Ginnifer Goodwin, gets lots of dating advice from a friend, which she in turn passes on to her girlfriends! Not all the advice works, however, although Gigi does find her man in the end!
It certainly isn’t easy to find reliable dating advice these days, with the dynamics of every relationship being rewritten with the times! Life’s changing, the world is getting smaller and gender roles are being reversed. Thus, it’s only inevitable that the rules of dating be changed too! To make things easier for you, we lay down here 10 modern day dating commandments for women.
1. Thou shalt not be superficial
Women have grown beyond expecting a knight on a white horse, but many women still buy into the image of a desirable man – tall, dark, and handsome. Now sensible girls know better than to be drawn by a man’s looks – that is so 1990s!! For a relationship in modern day dating to endure, it is essential to look through the exterior straight to a man’s character, which is what really counts in the long run. After all, when you strip away the exterior, the soul is what makes a person who he/she is.
2. Thou shalt have reasonable standards
Well, you can blame Hollywood for that! While women can blame popular culture for making them stress about their bodies, the fact is that even men have to battle unreasonable stereotypes about the perfect man. No one is perfect and the sooner we accept it the more success we’ll have in a long term relationship. As they say, there are no perfect people; but two flawed people come together to build a relationship that is perfect for them. People usually have a checklist to compare their ideal mate with their current significant other. But deciding on what is negotiable and what is not should be your first priority. Know and love yourself before seeking love and acceptance elsewhere.
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3. Thou shalt not enter a rebound relationship
Why is a rebound relationship bad in modern day dating? Where do I begin! A rebound relationship is usually made in moments of emotional weakness, and once the fog clears, people realize what a mistake they’ve made. It’s not worth breaking a person’s heart just because you were unsure and just wanted to occupy your mind with someone or the other. It’s not fair to you or the other person you enter into a rebound relationship with. They might develop a genuine affection for you when all you were looking for was a mere companion to take your mind off of your previous breakup. Think hard and long before you get into a relationship – get into one, only if you’re sure of your motivations and are clear on what you want from it.
4. Thou shalt not get hung up on the dreaded ‘timeline’
Yes, women have to heed their biological clock, but hey, it’s not a time bomb!! Many women have this timeline made up in their heads – dating by 25, committed by 27, married by 28, kids by 32 and so on, give or take a few years. We all know that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. So you might as well take it easy, enjoy the ride, and not pressurize the poor guy you’re with, or yourself for that matter. Don’t try too hard to stick to this imaginary timeline and for heaven’s sake, never, ever compare yourself to your best friend, or your classmate, or your colleague who is living a blissful life with her two point five kids and white picket fence. You just need to focus on your own life and just go with the flow. Undue stress never brought anyone any peace of mind!
5. Thou shalt not use the ‘independent woman’ persona to be rude
Women have been oppressed and underestimated for so long that many modern women feel the need to overcompensate for centuries of repression. Girls, it no doubt feels great to be a strong, independent woman, but there is no excuse for being rude! If the man offers to pay the bill or open your door, you don’t have to explode with a speech about feminism! In modern day dating, many men are still confused and a polite explanation from your end will help him be clearer about your expectations.
6. Thou shalt have sex only when thou art ready
Premarital sex doesn’t have the stigma once associated with it, but it’s still better to have some restraint! Jumping straight into bed with someone who you just met or still getting to know has a host of problems that can follow, one of them being that he could be an axe murderer for all you know! Take it really slow in this department and trust your instincts and your better judgment when taking this step. And once you’ve decided to go for it, and you get cold feet in between, it’s okay to stop it right there. It’s your prerogative to sleep with someone or not. Just because you said you’re ready doesn’t mean you have to follow through with it. But beware of just upping and running from the scene of the crime. Explain what you’re feeling to him in clear terms, and if he’s a gentleman and values you as a woman and companion, he’ll understand where you’re coming from and will wait for you to be ready. He will NEVER force you or guilt you into sleeping with him. Beware!
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7. Thou shalt be honest with thyself and others
In the modern day dating age where even selfies are photoshopped, it’s refreshing to see a person for what they really are. Pretending to be someone you aren’t might work initially, but you can’t keep it up forever without being found out. Honesty never went out of fashion and it’s a good idea to be your genuine self in front of the other person. After all, you don’t expect any less, do you? And if your significant other can’t accept you for you, then the relationship was doomed without hope of redemption. Because you should be proud of yourself and all you’ve achieved in life – however small it may seem in the larger scheme of things. But you are you, and deserve to be loved for you.
8. Thou shalt give a man his space
We all need our space from everyone else and this also applies to your man. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s drifting away; he’s just recharging his batteries. Apparently, it’s a hand me down from the days men came to their caves after hunting the whole day and gazed into the fire. Just let them be. When they’re ready to venture out of their man caves, you’re the first person they’ll seek.
9. Thou shalt be accepting of his friends and family
Men usually introduce their dates to their friends and family when they’re invested in the relationship. This is a good sign and an opportunity to improve the quality of the relationship. They obviously want both sides to like each other, so it is worth it to be accepting and polite to his friends and family, even if you don’t know them that well. Making an effort to get to know these people who know him best will give you a glimpse into your significant other’s life before you two met, while also giving them a chance to show that you two are perfect for each other.
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10. Thou shalt accept compliments with grace and return them
Women are generally terrible at accepting compliments graciously. They feel self-conscious and often look like they don’t think they deserve them. When a man says your laugh is lovely, accept it; it’s true. At the same time, you should be able to compliment your man; they love it too! Don’t think of it as pandering to his ego or empty flattery; everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves, and a genuine compliment makes for a more positive environment to nurture a relationship.
Since we’re being extra nice today, we’ve got a bonus commandment for you: Don’t settle for someone just because of societal pressure or a timeline (See point 4). Take your time; the right person will come along! Who knows, he/she might just be waiting for you around the corner to bump into you!
Don’t forget these ten modern day dating commandments for women whilst you’re dating!
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