Women have a lot of questions when it comes to men, because contrary to popular belief, men are as “complicated” as women when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. One of the most common questions that arise when talking about men is their irrational fear of commitment, its sources and possible solutions. Sometimes, men with commitment issues may make women feel like they are not desirable enough; in reality, the men themselves are just not as invested in the relationships as their partners.
There might be several reasons why some men become commitment phobic despite ubiquitous examples of love and relationships bringing happiness and fulfillment to several people all over the world. This fear primarily arises from the fact that they feel complacent and happy in their current state and don’t wish to get into a serious relationship or take their relationship to the next level to change that.
Suggested read: 10 brutal truths about loving a commitment phobe
If you are unsure about whether you belong to this category of commitment phobic men, read on for some common signs.
1. You have had a history of short relationships
Usually, men who have an inherent fear of commitment will express their beliefs and emotions in the most unconscious way. If they look back on their history of dating other people, it is likely that their track record will show surprisingly short and fleeting relationships, which have barely lasted a few months. They may try to justify these brief stints by saying that the people they were in a relationship with were not right for them, which is most probably a lie. People should enter a relationship after much consideration and be prepared to invest in it emotionally. So the prospect of several successive unfit relationships is slightly difficult to believe.
2. You always feel that you could find someone better
This is a perpetual excuse that is used by commitment phobic men. The reason they are not in a steady and committed relationship is because they are always making an excuse for why a person isn’t good enough. Even when one of these men is about to get into a relationship with an individual, he feels that he could do much better, or that there is someone better waiting out there for him. This dwelling on the future is problematic because it ruins his chances of being happy and committed in the present. Men sometimes also tell this excuse to themselves when they have other women on their mind, which prevents them from committing to one single person.
3. You are afraid of taking on responsibility
You may feel that getting into a relationship entails a large amount of responsibility, which you are not ready for at the moment… or ever. Stereotypes about relationships include bidding goodbye to your wayward bachelor days, earning your own money, saving up for the future, being responsible for another individual, and as a result, losing your carefree single lifestyle in the process. However, you may be surprised to find out that responsibility isn’t such a joyless, heartbreaking experience. It can be enriching, meaningful, and even fun for both people involved. With that said, more often than not, the fear of commitment stems directly from an irrational and unjustified fear of responsibility.
4. You think about how none of your friends have committed
In my experience, I have found that men often like to consult their friends for advice before making decisions. Even when they do take independent decisions, they have to let their guys know immediately for their approval. Thus, when they see that none of their friends are in committed relationships, they are afraid of being in one themselves because they feel that there must be something wrong with the idea of commitment itself. The truth is, everyone is waiting for the right person, and just because others haven’t found the right person for them yet, doesn’t mean that you haven’t already.
5. You over-analyze possible romantic encounters prematurely
When future implications of your relationship start gaining precedence over what’s happening in the here and now, you start developing an irrational fear of commitment. There is no need to over-analyze every single text, argument, or offhand comment when it comes to your relationship. Sometimes, when you tend to think too much about what will happen in the future, you may lose out on the spontaneity and joys of relationships in the present, which will cause you to lose sight of the value they bring to your life.
Suggested read: Dear Commitment-phobic Women, you are not alone
6. You like the thrill of the chase without expecting results
It is a popular notion that a relationship itself is actually a disappointment because it fails to live up to the much-hyped “chase” of asking someone out. When it comes to relationships, some men tend to take this idea too seriously and invest all of their time and energy into the chase. They bring out all their charms and put in all their effort when it comes to impressing their possible future partner. However, when they actually get into a relationship, they become lackluster and lose all interest because they have achieved what they have desired all along. If this has been a behavioral trend for you, then you definitely have an irrational fear of commitment.
7. You’re always “too busy” when it comes to relationships and giving time
Many commitment phobes will commonly make excuses when it comes to giving time to their relationships. When you are in love, or more importantly, when you are ready to seriously commit to your partner, then you are going to find time for them no matter what. Finding any possible excuse to avoid serious matters about the future of the relationship is a telltale sign that you are not fully committed.
8. You don’t believe that true love exists
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True love is a utopic concept. All relationships are doomed to end. There is no such thing as a happy ending. If these are the things that you seriously think about, there is not likely to be any space to think about a serious and committed relationship. Only when you have faith in the fact that you might find true love will you be able to seriously commit to a relationship. With such beliefs, men enter into relationships half-heartedly and without any hope for the future. This is unfortunate not only for them, but also for their partners, who must constantly try to convince them that the relationship is worth it. How exhausting would that be!
9. You choose women who are not the best choice for you
Men who are inherently commitment phobic purposely get into relationships with people who are absolutely the wrong profile for them. Their partner may be married or committed to another person, much younger than them, or much older. They may also have completely different interests that are inevitably going to lead to clashes and arguments in the future, which will help to reinforce their fear of commitment. Commitment phobes will use these disagreements to justify a breakup, and then use these failed relationships to justify their fear. It’s a vicious cycle really.
10. You feel that a relationship would get in the way of your ambitions
This is one of the most common reasons why men find themselves afraid to commit. You might have dreams, ambitions, career goals, and other future plans, and you feel that getting into a relationship will simply take your focus away from achieving them. It is in instances like these that you have to fish out practical examples from around you, and see the people who have had successful professional lives alongside committed, successful relationships. You will be surprised to find that there is no shortage of examples!
Suggested read: Top 8 reasons why men have historically spurned commitment
One of the gravest misconceptions about relationships is the fact that they are yet another stressful addition to your life that you will have to tolerate on a daily basis. The truth is, commitment is something that not only gives you confidence and security, but also helps to shape your character moving forward. When it comes to relationships and committing for the future, most men are afraid of being “trapped,” “stuck,” or “unhappy,” because of the aforementioned reasons. If you notice these traits in yourself, fear not. It is possible to overcome these feelings and learn to faithfully commit to relationships, making you and your partner happier for years to come.
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