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10 Telltale Signs He Is Just Using You To Get What He Wants

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

This old saying still rings true when it comes to relationships; it can seem like men and women are from completely different planets. They tend to want different things from relationships. It becomes a relationship only if you manage to complement each other’s needs. Finding this level of compatibility is difficult, and sometimes people end up in unhealthy or unhappy relationships along the way.

There are always signs he is using you, even if you don’t want to recognize them. There are times when you are in it for something serious, but he’s doing nothing but fooling around with you. You definitely don’t want to be with someone who shows signs he is using you, now would you? So, what is it for – money, sex or something else?

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It can be hard to tell sometimes. But is he making you skeptical and making you think twice? You may enjoy spending time together, but is there a deeper connection there as well? To know for sure, check out these telltale signs that your boyfriend is using you.

1. You see him only at night

disturb me

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If he’s working and still makes time to see you during the week, then there’s nothing wrong with that. But working late or having a family ‘thing’ every time you try to meet up with him are major red flags. If you’ve never been on a real date with him and rarely even go out together, this is another bad sign. If your encounters usually involve drinking and spending the night together, then you definitely have some thinking to do.

2. He never gets the wallet out

show me the money

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He may have bragged about how much money he makes and how much he spends, but when it comes time to pay, he always has an excuse for not taking the bill. He shouldn’t necessarily foot the bill for all your dates; the whole ‘the man should pay’ notion isn’t really fair. It’s fine to trade off paying for each other or splitting the bill. But not wanting to spend on you at all is definitely not normal if he really likes you.

3. He’s just too busy when you need to talk

i'm doing stuff

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You’ve been having a bad day and you could really use his support, so you give him a call. But he doesn’t bother picking up that call or even calling you back. He ignores your messages and pretends to be busy. If sending him an explicit picture is the only way to get a prompt reply from him, then there’s only one thing on his mind.

4. You are his secret

excuse me

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It’s a known fact that men love showing off. So, if he likes you, he’s definitely going to want to take you out! He’ll want to show you off to his friends and family. If he’s making excuses when it comes to meeting your friends, or you meeting his friends, then there’s something fishy. If he’s being secretive and not telling his colleagues or friends about you, that is one of the signs he is using you.

5. You don’t know him

i don't know how to answer that question

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Relationships are all about getting to know each other on a deep emotional level. You tell him everything about your life and he knows pretty much everything about you. But your knowledge of him is limited. He doesn’t talk to you about his work or family life at all. You probably don’t even know what his sister does or where he’s actually from. So, he’s either hiding something from you or he just doesn’t want you to know him on more than a physical level.

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6. Cancelling on you is regular

i'm not fine

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You’ve planned to see him on Saturday afternoon but he calls you and cancels last minute because ‘something’ came up at work. He does this almost every time you make plans to see each other, and it disappoints you like nothing else. It doesn’t seem to make a difference to him when he stands you up without even bothering to call you. He doesn’t respect your time, and that is one of the clear signs a man is using you.

7. Your dates are only at parties


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You say you’re dating him, but you never really go out on dates together or do other things that couples usually do. He always just wants to ‘hang out’ with you when alcohol is involved, like at a party or a bar. In fact, that’s the only time he shows up for dates. If you call him to do anything else with you, he will likely cancel or not respond at all. You’re his ‘good time’ buddy, and trust me, you don’t want to be called that.

8. Your looks are all that matter

you've got fat

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You should definitely take note if he only seems to be interested in your physical appearance, whether it’s comments about your weight or how you dress. There’s nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting you to look nice, but he shouldn’t be making you feel self-conscious or insecure. If you notice that he is objectifying your appearance without respecting you as a person, it is definitely time to re-examine your relationship.

9. He insults your intelligence

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When someone likes you, they’ll like listening to what you have to say. In fact, if he really likes you, he’ll want to know your opinion on important things happening in his life. But with him, you have to keep repeating things. Either he doesn’t pay much attention to you or brushes off what you say as unimportant. That clearly shows he doesn’t care about what you think because his opinion and needs are all that matter to him.

10. You have that nagging gut feeling

something has changed

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No matter how much you like him, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is off with him. He says all the right things, but he isn’t doing any of them. You feel like you’re nothing more to him than someone he can occasionally call for a good time. He’s told you that you’re ‘hot’ but never that you’re ‘beautiful.’ If you are constantly second guessing your interactions with him, you shouldn’t ignore that feeling.

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You struggle to connect emotionally, and it feels like all you’re ever doing is getting physical together. If you’ve been noticing these signs, then you need to probably sit him down and tell him it’s over before he leaves you in the dumps and shatters your heart to pieces. It’s easy to ignore the signs because you want it to work so badly, but you probably want to let this one go.

There are men out there who will treat you right and those are the kind that you should be with. You deserve more than someone who doesn’t treat you with respect.

Featured image source: Shutterstock

Article Name
10 Telltale Signs He Is Using You To Get What He Wants
Does your boyfriend call only when he wants to spend the night with you? It might be time to take a look at your relationships and the signs he is using you.
Deepika Singhania

Deepika Singhania

A Literature and Media post graduate, Deepika Singhania is a freelance writer, editor and a hardcore feminist. She is an avid reader and a football enthusiast, who loves cooking and traveling along with having a strong affinity for chocolates, Harry Potter, and Bangalore rains.