Facebook has become such an integral part of our lifestyle that it is hard to remember the time when it did not exist; when you had to meet your friends in person to know what they were up to; when your pictures were developed from negatives and saved in photo albums. Facebook has given every person an original way to like, share, comment and even poke! In the jungle, there are innumerable things that bombard your homepage, and honestly, you don’t have much control over it- after all, you can’t block’em all! Yes, we know you have wanted to- and so many times!
Suggested read: If boyfriends were really honest while arguing…
Here’s a list of some of those quintessential Weird-Al’s we are all pals with on Facebook:
1. The in-love couple
You’re in love. We get it. We were happy for you when you started dating each other but we cannot be a party to your ‘One week’, ‘One month’ anniversaries and so on. Nor do we care about the PDA that you have got going. You need a filter, if not a room.
2. The foodp*rn addicts
So you made an egg and buttered a toast. Big deal! Even a toddler could do that. Nothing annoys me more than seeing updates of rather ‘average’ looking dishes being passed away as beef bourguignon. We may not be there to taste it, but we can see it’s nothing like the classics and you are no Julia Child in the making. So for the love of God, rein in that MasterChef wannabe.
3. The pesty gamer
We are very considerate people and no one is passing any judgments if you want to sit all day crushing that Godawful candy or if you want to while away all your time ploughing a virtual farm but stop pestering people with your incessant requests. Some of us have a life outside of the virtual world you know.
4. The holiday junkie
We all have that one friend on Facebook who is constantly travelling to these fun, exotic, adventurous holidays to places you have only heard of. No one wants to know how lovely a time you are having on a beach sipping your cocktails and soaking the sun while the rest of us rot in our 9-to-5 jobs and have at least a zillion chores left to do. Seriously- and what’s with the non-related inspirational quote captions- tell me! No, okay, don’t! :/
5. People obsessed with their babies/pets
So you had a baby. Mazel tov! Wow, you got a pet – cute! That said, there is no reason to take our well wishes to mean we want every minute detail of your drooly pet or burpy baby. Ten posts in one hour is uncalled for. So is the fact that you dressed him/her/it in ten different outfits for those pictures.
6. The taggers
And then there are the taggers who will tag you in every picture. The pictures you look good in, the ones you look bad in and the ones in which you aren’t even present! That is their unique way of making sure everyone sees their pictures.
7. The no-sense hashtag queens
Ever come across that one person who can’t get enough of the hashtags. Everything they do has hashtags and some that cannot even be humanly deciphered (#mysundaylookingawesomehaha). For the love of God, there is a reason we have space between words!
8. The news junkies
You don’t need to watch news if you have these live updates on your friend list. They will update every single news item they can get their hands on. And the most obvious ones like who the winner of the world cup was or how Jon Snow got killed! #F*ckTheseSpoilerSmarta*ses
9. The fitness fanatics
While you are procrastinating about losing your holiday weight and end up doing nothing about it, this miracle of a person has hit the marathon, joined the aerobics class and does yoga just for fun. Nothing kills more than their sweaty pictures and those perfect abs.
10. The perfect person
This one friend is by far the most annoying. Everything about them from their vacations to job and car are just so horribly perfect. Stalking them is something you absolutely hate and yet cannot help living vicariously through their profile and hating them for being so perfect!
Suggested read: If boyfriends were honest on WhatsApp
The Dormant Volcano
You never know why they added you, this species never comments or replies but exists in your list. Perhaps one day…