Dumped or not, being newly single sucks! But there are some good things that happen too when you are recuperating. Conversely, these goodies are so intricately intertwined with the bad things that telling them apart is just impossible! The only way you can do that, is by seeing the glass half full!
Or chugging the shot and asking for a refill, maybe! 😉
So here are 20 good and bad things that one goes through when newly single!
1. Every single song will act as a trigger!
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“Tera pyaar pyaar pyaar hookah bar!”
He had dedicated this to me on my birthday! (No wonder you guys broke up!)
Suggested read: 10 awesome benefits of being single and NOT dating anyone
2. Couples on the streets, at work, on Facebook etc. will make life miserable for you with their unwarranted bouts of PDA!
That has nothing to do with your break up. These people need to GET A ROOM!
3. You will excessively stalk (and undeservedly too!) the hell out of your ex’s profile on every social media platform.
Let’s see what he’s up to on LinkedIn!
4. Wh-a-a-a-at he blocked you on LinkedIn too?!
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No prob.*Creates a new account!* Hah!
5. Those pitying looks from ze friends and parents and even relatives!
You guys didn’t like that a*sh*le in the first place! And two, I am not dying people; grow up!
6. And then they will start setting you up with any Tom, D*ck and Harry! D*ck, that’s right!
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Which part of ‘emotionally unavailable’ did you not understand?!
7. You will continue sleeping on “your side” of the bed!
Just in case, you know! 😉
8. Flirting now seems like a foreign language that your tongue can’t come to terms with!
“Hey! Sweet a*s!”
9. All you want to do is: partaaayyyyyy!
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But when you actually need to pick your *ss up, you will be more like, “Can I just stay at home, look like sh*t and listen to Adele?”
10. To put you back on the market, you need to put in some effort, bra!
How about a makeover?!
But be prepared coz you are most definitely going to look terrible no matter what you try!
Don’t you get it? The whole universe is conspiring to make you feel like sh*t – emotionally and physically!
11. The world’s your oyster!
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Heart: “Were guys always so ugly or am I too choosy?”
Brain: “*Smirks* Definitely not choosy, or else you wouldn’t have dated that moron!”
12. Prepare to send your ex an elaborate letter on how dumb his haircut looks on him!
“I was tanked-up.
But I must have been stoned throughout the relationship too, or else how could I date you, you mo-fo!”
Obviously still drunk!
13. You will excavate your not-so-little black book of “friend-zoned” men!
But magically they will all be in a relationship now and they will “wish you luck, sister”!
But there will always be one guy…
14. You will get yourself a new wardrobe!
…because Lady Samantha from SATC had once said that you should buy an outfit that will make a guy sc*m in his pants as soon as he sees you in it! #DivaSpeak
15. You will get bizarrely (unattractively, to be precise!) metaphysical about love!
“What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!”
16. You will discover Tinder!
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But that will be a shorter liaison than your previous relationship!
17. You will constantly have to tell people how happy you are that it’s over!
Because you are happy. Of course, you are! Not miserable at all! Totally! I believe you! 😉
18. You will all of a sudden become the most creative and productive bloke in town!
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Writing Mondays; Pottery Tuesdays; Gymnastics Wednesdays; Astrophysics Thursdays; Satellite-Building Fridays; Beautician Course Saturdays; CAT Preparations Sundays!
Suggested read: 15 reasons why being single is the best thing to happen to you
19. You will ascertain the rebel in you!
So what you don’t like getting tattoos and think it hurts AF (and it does!)?! If it’s defiant, you are doing it!
20. Eventually you will fall in love with yourself!
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Yea, you will be touching yourself in places (a laht!) and that will be enough…
Hell no! I was just being philosophical coz I had a break up, okay?!!
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