“I’m jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It’s closer than my hands have been
I’m jealous of the rain
I’m jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It’s closer than your shadow
Oh, I’m jealous of the wind”
To be jealous of the wind – now that’s some serious jealousy we’re talking about! This song ‘Jealous’ by Labrinth may seem a little extreme, but if you think about it, I’m sure you know or used to know someone who could come close. It only shows how dangerous the little green eyed monster can be, and how it can ruin perfectly normal relationships. However, in most cases, there’s an underlying reason behind jealousy and if you’re at the receiving end of a jealous girlfriend, we know how you feel. So if she’s a great gal otherwise and you love her, we can help you fix it with our step by step guide for dealing with a jealous girlfriend.
Image source: Flickr
You’ve probably seen and heard of people using jealousy as a tool to revive their partner’s interest or to bring back the spark in their relationships. While it can and does work, deliberately fueling jealousy is dangerous can easily get out of hand. When your woman gets jealous, most men initially find it quite flattering – after all, who doesn’t like feeling like a stud muffin a.k.a. chick magnet? But there’s a very fine line between light, affectionate jealousy and full blown CIA-style interrogation, and when that line is crossed things can go spiraling out of control. The woman ends up stressed & anxious all the time and the man feels like he’s being surveyed by drones 24×7.
The science behind jealousy
Experts say that jealousy is one of the fundamental human emotions, and even animals like chimps and elephants get jealous! One reason could be our basic territorial nature, of wanting to protect everything that’s ours. Jealousy also acts as a precautionary measure, alerting our radars to potential danger so that we can take steps to prevent it.
Men and women experience jealousy differently – while men are more prone to jealousy about physical infidelity, women are more likely to get jealous about emotional infidelity. Some experts also agree that women have a naturally higher tendency to get jealous, probably because they’re more in touch with their emotions and their instincts are more alert to potential dangers (a.k.a. buxom new secretary).
Suggested read: In conversation with jealousy – A heart-to-heart about being jealous in love
Jealousy in a relationship can lead to both partners feeling suffocated, and this is obviously not the ideal environment for a healthy relationship. But to know how to deal with a jealous girlfriend, it’s essential to first look into the reasons why she is feeling jealous.
5 reasons why women get jealous
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1. Insecurity
This is the biggest reason behind jealousy in women. Popular culture, media and society at large place immense pressure on a woman to be perfect and look perfect all the time. So whenever your girlfriend sees another woman who she thinks is thinner, prettier or more successful, her jealousy alarm goes off.
2. Suspicious behavior
Now this is a no-brainer; if you act suspiciously, you can hardly blame your girlfriend for being jealous! Sneaking off for phone calls in the middle of the night, going into another room to answer a call, suddenly going out with no reasonable explanation – all these are highly suspicious and can trigger jealous feelings in any normal human.
3. Past hurts
Past trauma always seems to find a way to mess up our present lives and relationships. A girl who’s been badly burnt in the past has good reason to be suspicious and get jealous easily. It could be an old boyfriend or a parent who cheated and left the family.
4. Relationship issues
It is said that a strong, stable relationship has no room for jealousy. However, if you’ve been in a lull and there has been little or no meaningful communication with your girlfriend for a while, then she is bound to wonder if you’re getting it from somewhere else.
5. Behavioral disorders
Like we said, there’s the affectionate but slightly jealous girlfriend and then there’s full-on psycho. The latter case usually has some kind of behavioral disorder like OCD, extreme anxiety or paranoia. Any of these can trigger jealous feelings at the slightest provocation.
Knowing the reasons behind a person’s jealousy helps a lot in putting things in perspective. But how do you know if your jealous girlfriend is just a little over protective or actually jealous? Watch out for these tell-tale signs to know for sure.
Signs of a jealous girlfriend
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1. She calls up every hour, round the clock.
One of the most prominent signs of a jealous girlfriend is when she needs to know everything – where you are, who you’re with, who else is there, when you’re coming. She probably calls up every hour or two, and leaves a dozen messages if you don’t answer.
2. She would rather go everywhere with you.
Jealous girlfriends don’t trust you out of their sight. Who knows what you could get up to when they’re not around? Hence, they’d prefer going everywhere with you – even boys’ night out looks suspicious.
3. She asks a lot of questions.
A jealous girlfriend could give an FBI agent a run for his money. They want to know everything you did, where you were, who was with you, who you talked to, what you ate, what you wore – whew!
4. She seems to get anxious at social gatherings
Social gatherings are prime spots to meet beautiful women, or worse – a beautiful ex. A jealous girlfriend is bound to get uneasy during such situations, especially if you happen to chit chat with any of those lovely women.
5. You catch her snooping
Well, if this isn’t a sign of a jealous girlfriend, we don’t know what is! Suspicious women try to satisfy their curiosity by checking your messages, emails and photos. Any sign of anything in a skirt and that’s it!
Suggested read: Taming the green-eyed monster in 3 easy steps
Okay, so now you’ve confirmed that your girlfriend is indeed, jealous! The next point of concern is how to handle a jealous girlfriend, a question that can scare the strongest man! But it isn’t really as hard as it appears, especially when we have a simple but effective, step by step guide for dealing with a jealous girlfriend, right here!
10 steps to deal with a jealous girlfriend
1. Stay calm
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The first step is to just stay calm. Any sign of jitters or stuttering on your part will only look like guilt to your girlfriend and make things worse. And for everyone’s sakes, please don’t turn the tables on her and call her nuts. She is probably already freaking out, so you need to step up and be the calm one here. This also gives you the chance to understand the situation better and act logically rather than react based on emotions alone. The more confident and collected you are, the more responsive she’ll be to whatever you have to say.
2. Find out more about her past
We’ve already established that past trauma can cause a person to become unreasonably jealous. Find out if your girlfriend has had something bad happen in her life, discreetly of course. The more you understand where she’s coming from, the more you’ll be able to empathize with her, and her crazy behavior won’t seem so crazy after all. If that’s the case, you’ll need to help her heal and move on. This isn’t an overnight process, so you’ll need to be persistent and patient to help her get over it.
3. Look at your own behavior
Take a step back and put the focus on yourself for once. Are you really asking for it? Think about it, is your behaviour really transparent or are your actions suspicion-worthy? It’s quite likely that you are giving your perfectly normal girlfriend reasons to get jealous and go all CIA on you. If so, avoid such situations – have phone conversations in the open, don’t be secretive about where you’re going and avoid staring at or complimenting strange women – in short, respect your woman enough to keep your eyes on her only!
4. Offer constant reassurance
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
If you never bother to compliment your woman but don’t think twice about complimenting the legs on some girl on the street, don’t be surprised if your girlfriend looks daggers at you. Women need constant validation that they’re pretty, they’re loved and appreciated. Men often forget this, especially after the initial honeymoon phase. Constant reassurance will make your girlfriend know that she is still loved and that you still find her attractive – this will make her much less likely to freak out even if you do happen to look at a girl passing by.
5. Make your relationship public
A common complaint most girlfriends have is that their boyfriends hesitate to make their relationship public, whether it’s on social media or offline. We understand that there are stages of introducing your girl to your buddies, and then your family, but once you’re committed to each other, there shouldn’t really be any hesitation. In your girlfriend’s eyes, this lets the world know that you’ve been ‘taken’ (not in the Liam Neeson sense) and that other women would do better to keep their hands off you.
6. Refrain from comparisons
Like we said, women today have a lot to deal with, body image issues being just some of them. When you compare her to your ex who had the perfect body, she’s naturally going to feel like you still have feelings for the ex. Now, nobody’s perfect, so you need to accept your woman for who she is. That’s not enough, you need to let her know that too, so that she feels confident in your love.
7. Establish good, honest communication
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Along with trust, good communication forms the foundation of any good relationship. If you want to talk about your girlfriend’s jealousy problem, you need to address it properly, in a non-accusing sort of way. This is only possible if you have a blameless, open style of communication, where you can talk about issues with the intention of finding solutions rather than just fighting. Your girlfriend will be much more receptive to what you’re saying when you present it correctly.
8. Help her grow
A lot of women’s jealousy is steeped in low self esteem. Maybe they’ve always been told that they’re not pretty enough or good enough. They may have grown up with the belief that everyone else is better than them or that all men will leave eventually. These are very delicate issues and need a lot of love and patience from your side to help her grow out of them and find her sense of self worth. As she learns to love herself, she’ll be able to trust people more and find peace.
9. Let her into your world
Ignorance isn’t always bliss and for jealous girlfriends, it only provides more fodder for suspicion! Take her to your workplace; let her see your co-workers, the people you travel with and others, so that she has a better picture of your world. It will make her feel valued too, that you took the trouble to show the world that you are together. Also, messages like ‘working late with Cathy’ won’t sound so vague and suspicious when she knows who Cathy is and what the project is about.
10. Invest in your relationship
If you expect the ultimate trust in your relationship, you need to put some effort into it. Spend quality time with your girl, take regular weekends off, and support each others’ dreams. When you have so much love, happiness and positive energy in your relationship, there’ll be no place for feelings like jealousy.
Suggested read: How to handle a jealous boyfriend
A jealous girlfriend isn’t the end of the world, and as we’ve seen, there could be a genuine reason behind all that jealousy. However, there’s a difference between insecurity-led jealousy and possessiveness – the latter is not so easily rectified and may need external help. Ultimately it is you who has to decide how it’s working out for you, although most jealous girls are just nice girls who love you a little too much! If you’d like to see how a perfectly normal girl can turn all green-eyed in a matter of minutes, just watch this video!
Featured image source: Flickr
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