The single life has as many virtues as it has vices. The perplexities of love are absent, but the warning of a lonely life still haunt the spaces of the mind every once in awhile. Here’s how the week goes for a single guy in his 20s:
1. Oh God, Monday again
The universally hated day of the week begins with a healthy bout of self-loathing. The sources for said self-loathing are twofold. One is the dreadful awareness that another soul-sucking week has started, and you can’t go in to drink on a Monday (probably because the bartender judges you too much) and the second being the fact that you have no one to complain to. However the second is clouded by the first, and the apprehension associated with a single life is kept at bay. In the middle of the day, you might remember the brunette at the bar who promptly rejected you last night, but the hangover, coupled with the boss hovering over your neck takes up most of your concentration. Yeah, going to work on Monday hurts like a b*tch.
2. Pressure-cooker Tuesday
Tuesday is a day of melancholy. The work pressure is comparatively low and the bartender doesn’t mind much. The absent mind, however is fully at work. It drifts through myriad topics. “What did she mean when she said ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ And more importantly, why would she be dating HIM? She clearly could do better.” It’s a tough life, except that your boss is still breathing down your neck, and the concept of less work pressure turns out to be an illusion. You return home to an empty dinner table and end up ordering in that dreadful Chinese food from across the street. The dishes are left for another day.
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3. Wonky work Wednesday
You are already midway through the work-week and that is keeping you focused. The weekend seems like a tangible reality, and the thoughts of a lonely existence are pushed to the background. Mid-week football is a saving grace, and you don’t have to record it for a change because there is no one to fight with for the remote. The acknowledgement of this fact makes you sort of sad, but the beers in the fridge compensate for most of it. You can even put your feet up on the table. No need for coasters. Hallelujah.
4. Terrible Thursday
Just two more days. That is all that matters. You are almost contemplating leaving your job now, but the girl at work agreed to a Friday night date. That will keep you at the desk for a couple of more days. When you come back, you chance upon the birthday card she made you, and that takes you down a road that you don’t particularly want to go down. Yeah, she was pretty nice, wasn’t she? You didn’t deserve her anyway. She was too pretty, too nice for you. Yeah, you didn’t deserve her. The rest of the evening is spent sifting through her old belongings, and drowning your self-loathing in a bottle of cheap wine. Yeah, you do need a pay raise. Life isn’t going the way its supposed to. And she keeps looking prettier with each glass.
5. Freedom Friday
Most of the day is gone in planning the rest of the evening. You’d want to forget the events of last night. It’s a new weekend, time for some new debauchery. Plenty of fish in the sea, yada yada yada. The date goes pretty well, you ask her all the questions that she wants to answer. She looks pretty, and you feel better about yourself. The evening ends with a kiss and the promise of a second date. You’ve still got your mojo. Well done.
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6. Slow-Mo to super-speed Saturday
Saturday is spent in your underwear. Nobody to dress up for anyway. The reruns of Breaking Bad are on, and that takes up most of the day. The evening is spent drinking with all the people who claim to be your friend, and they spew their inane bullsh*t. The whiskey is slowly melting into your senses, and the music seems sweeter to listen to. The lights swerve, in blissful patterns of red and blue. You climb into a cab your friends call for you.
7. Never end, oh sweet Sunday
The hangover is real. Fried chicken and poached eggs take care of the headache, but the terrible feeling of the alcohol lining the inside of your stomach is nauseating. You think that you are getting too old for all the partying, but that one text message telling you to meet the office chick at the bar has you putting on your best shirt and wearing the perfume your ex gifted you in no time. Another chance at happiness, you think. But would you trade your life of apparent freedom for one of commitment? Only time will tell.
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