You knew he wanted to marry you when he got down on one knee and held a sparkling piece of rock. You knew he wanted kids when he would run to carry a little child in his arms or make funny faces at random kids he met. You knew he wanted to buy a house when he got a tad bit stingy and started saving. But, did you know he wanted a divorce?
My husband wants a divorce, she cried, covering her face with her palms.
And I sat beside her, rubbing her arm in sympathy, and wondered why she hadn’t figured it out sooner. I mean, why was this surprising? As an outsider, I could tell that theirs wasn’t a perfect marriage; there was some turbulence. But I was puzzled that she hadn’t caught those signs.
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Maybe, sometimes we get too busy believing what we want to see. We are in denial and completely ignore the obvious signs that say things aren’t working out. Life gets convenient and we are too afraid to shift from the routine. Thus, we live a lie.
A lot couples who have spent enough time with each other simply get accustomed to each other. The other person becomes a part of their life because they also become part of their routine. Sadly, it’s tough for most of us to accept change. So, there you are, ignoring all the red flags and living in blissful ignorance. Or you just get used to the idea and live a rather, mechanical life. A life with no emotion or future.
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When relationships fall apart, it’s not sudden. They gradually get to the final blow, and if you have been observant, you would see from a distance that things weren’t as smooth as what you were assuming. The cracks were already formed, the squeaky noise from it was something you paid no attention to, and finally, it just fell apart and left you shattered.
You may want to keep an eye open and look out for some signs that scream, my husband wants a divorce.
1. The communication is limited
Personally, I think if two people cannot communicate with each other in a manner that helps develop their relationship, then their relationship is heading towards a downfall. Generally, couples in a rather healthy relationship can talk to each other about anything and everything. It could be something simple as discussing how they spent their day, or talking about their future and their dreams. It also could be random things. But, if your husband has limited that bit and you can’t seem to make any meaningful conversation with him, that is your very first sign.
2. A robotic rapport
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So when you ask your husband how his day was, he responds with a monosyllabic “fine.” And then you try to prod and ask what he did all day and he utters a rather non-committal, “nothing much.” Oh God! I hate to break it to you, but your husband has turned into a robot. His monosyllabic and rather disinterested replies should be enough clues that he doesn’t want to engage in any conversation with you, leave alone meaningful ones.
3. Making no time
You know how they say that everyone is busy and that one must “make time” for things they love? On the contrary, if you notice that your husband hardly has any time for you or your needs, or, doesn’t make time for you, you can be sure that this is one of his ways to say he wants out. Because if he was invested in the marriage, he would have made time and have been attentive to your needs as well. It’s all a matter of getting your priorities straight.
4. The spark has long since burned out
Couples who have had successful marriages often say that they still feel weak in the knees when they see their long time partners. That amounts to that intangible, indefinable spark. That sudden adrenaline rush when your partner says something nice or touches you, or just the sight of him makes you happy. But, if none of this does anything to you, then we bet it’s getting “over” for you both.
5. Lack of commitment
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He hasn’t paid the electric bill or the house rent; he hasn’t bought groceries in months, and probably doesn’t even eat at home most days. He doesn’t look after the kids or drop them off at school, his stock reply to all of this being that he has no time. Yes, he isn’t showing any commitment that an ideal husband should. Look out for this glaring sign.
6. Sex is now a distant dream
More often than not, men initiate sex, but hey! I don’t mean that women can’t or don’t. But if you have to regularly coax him or if you both haven’t done it in a long time, then your relationship is out of the window. Wake up! Now!
Suggested read: 12 heartbreaking signs of a failing marriage
7. He simply doesn’t care
So, you caught the flu or fell down the stairs. His only reaction to that is to leave you alone at home and get on with his usual business. What does that make him? A man who isn’t caring enough – a jerk. But most importantly, he wants out, because he just doesn’t care anymore.
8. You both hesitate to share
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Whether it’s a little secret, or an ice cream, you both hesitate to share anything at all with each other. He never shares his work, his time or any financial benefit with you. That must not happen in a relationship. This is an obvious sign that he doesn’t consider you a part of his life.
9. He’s either working hard or partying hard
And in both these places, he is without you. He is out of the house often and seems to enjoy it too. You both have stopped going out on dates and he says that work’s getting too much, or he is constantly hanging out with his friends, again, without you! Seems like he is getting himself ready for a bachelor’s life.
10. Drifted apart
When there is no emotional connect between a husband and wife, the two automatically drift away. With the passing of time, you both are heading in two opposite directions. Your journey is not the same anymore. Do you sense that happening?
11. A keen interest in other women
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Suddenly your man has a keen interest in other women he meets on a regular basis. He may also be having an affair, although if he is, he’ll leave a trail a mile long, that has already been covered. Does he talk too much about another lady or appreciates some other woman in your presence? He might be getting charmed by her. So, watch out.
12. Not settling issues
When you go to him with a problem to discuss, does he dismiss you immediately without listening to you? Does he not want to resolve fights and other issues? Do you think he has given up on you? This may be it.
13. Ridiculing and sarcasm
Have you noticed that he recently ridicules you in public or he has a sarcastic response to everything that you say? This only shows that he doesn’t want anything from you and doesn’t care how you feel about his comments. He just doesn’t care anymore.
14. Self-destruction mode
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When people abuse themselves, they are in what is called a self-destruction mode. Excessive drinking, smoking or getting high and wasted, are signs that they no longer value what they have. Is your partner doing any of these things?
Suggested read: 12 heartbreaking signs your marriage is over
15. You hate going back to him
Since you both have long stopped communicating, he is no longer the first person you call to share good news or even bad news, for that matter. You dread going home to him, you are constantly looking for ways to avoid him only because you don’t feel loved and cherished. He is not a priority for you anymore, and somewhere in the deep realms of your heart, even you don’t care. But, you are scared to face this reality. That is a sign!
Keep your eyes open to these things and validate them yourself. These are the first signs that your husband wants a divorce, but he may not be saying it out loud. But these sure signs tell you a lot more and confirm your suspicion – my husband wants a divorce. But most importantly, face your inner fears and don’t be in denial. Accept the reality and move forward. If this is what he wants and has decided, then there is no point in you wanting anything otherwise. So, good luck.
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