Relationships are hard, there’s not question about it. They need serious efforts to build and sustain them. And not everyone is cut out for a relationship and all the effort it takes. You may think you’ll get through it ‘somehow.’ But relationships are not something you sail through. You have to work hard at it, every hour of every day of every month you’re in the relationship. And if you’re one of those people who believes that they can weather the sickness and health, and everything in between, you’re going to need two things – a short memory and a sense of humor. Trust me, you’re going to need both of them, sooner rather than later.
1. Life is not a fairy tale
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If you have any fantasies as to how blissful your relationship with your bae is going to be, then it’s time to rid yourself of these – immediately! Life doesn’t imitate art, although the opposite might be true – at least to some extent. Your life is not a fairy tale and there’s no definite, clear-cut plan that your life and relationship will follow. So, get rid of the fantasies so that you won’t be disappointed later.
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2. Forgive and forget
If you’ve chosen to forgive your partner for any transgression – big or small – resolve to forget it as well. There’s no use rehashing the same mistake again and again, like scratching at that scab, never letting it heal completely.
3. You’re a unit, a team
Life throws unexpected obstacles in your path. That’s when you value the partnership your partner offers you. They’re there when you need them the most – come hell or high water. That’s one of the nicest things about being in a relationship. You’re a team who can face anything that life throws at you.
4. Grow, and adapt
As time goes by, you change, your priorities change, your dreams and aspirations change. But if you’re still stuck at age 24 even when you’re 40, then it’s your own fault. Even if you’re still stuck at 24, your partner would have grown up, changing your relationship dynamic as well. So don’t fight change. Embrace it will both arms, learn from it; after all, change is the only constant in life.
5. Travel together
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It’s said that traveling with your partner brings to the fore hidden aspects of their personality, and it couldn’t be truer. Traveling together makes couples rely on each other in ways they wouldn’t even have dreamed, making them value their relationship all the more. Plus, traveling always opens up your world to different perspectives, people, cultures, and of course, cuisine, making you a wholesome person.
6. Pursue your own interests
There’s no rule that states that a couple should always pursue the same hobbies and be interested in the same things. Although it might seem counter-productive, following your own passions and interests will enrich your relationship.
7. Have a wide, diverse circle of friends
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His friends, her friends, and our friends – cultivate a diverse circle of friends. After all, meeting new people and getting to know them is always good. Plus, the different kinds of people you meet will make you appreciate your partner all the more.
8. Don’t keep score; it’s not a game
He took out the trash just twice last week. She fed the cat five days this week. He forgot his wet towel on the bed – again! She left her makeup on the vanity – again! For the love of all that’s holy, STOP KEEPING SCORE! It’s stupid, and not to mention childish.
9. Keep yourselves healthy and fit
There’s no substitute for being healthy and fit. You owe it to your partner as well as to yourself to be in the best possible health. It’s not about looking good, but of feeling good – from the inside out.
10. Introspection is good for the soul
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Introspect on what makes your relationship tick. Reflect on what and how you’re contributing to your relationship. Are you being unfair? Controlling? Defensive? Domineering? Selfish?
11. Admit when you’re wrong (sometimes even when you’re not)
Owning up to your mistakes is probably one of the hardest things to do for anyone. However, this simple yet significant gesture will bring in huge amounts of happiness and peace to the relationship. After all, it’s the right thing to do. Plus, you also grow as an individual. It’s a win-win.
12. Celebrate the little and the big things
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Be it a promotion at the workplace or you got that tattoo that you’d always wanted, toast your good fortune whenever you can. After all, it’s these moments that become incredibly sweet memories a few years down the line
13. The good little things
Holding out a chair for her, suggesting a game night with him, paying attention when she’s talking, complimenting him on his cooking skills – these good little things need to be appreciated and enjoyed.
14. The bad little things
A dirty sock on the pillow, curling iron on the vanity, farting like it’s nobody’s business, scratching your crotch, picking your nose, body odor, unkempt hair, messy closet. Ugh! Better to avoid these as much as possible – don’t let these bad little things become the death knell for your relationship.
15. Talk about sex
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Sex is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. And like any other aspect of relationships, communication is key when it comes to sex too. If you don’t talk about your likes and dislikes, fantasies and fetishes, how will your partner understand you? Do NOT make sex a taboo subject.
16. Be each other’s cheerleaders
Everyone has insecurities – big or small. Your relationship is one place where you and your partner should be able to be yourselves – without holding anything back, without fear of judgment or derision. A couple should be able to help each other overcome these insecurities.
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17. Subtlety never works; be direct
If something your partner did annoys the heck out of you, say so. Don’t hint about it, don’t beat around the bush about it. Come right out and say so. TALK; work it out. After all, your partner is not a mind reader.
18. No comparisons
People have a tendency to over-romanticize and idealize their past relationships – STOP it. NEVER compare your partner with your ex.
19. Calling each other names
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You’re not in kindergarten any more. You’re both mature adults, who’re in an adult relationship (at least I hope so ;)). So don’t call each other names and hurl insults like it’s going out of fashion. Just STOP!
20. Solutions are better than criticism
Nobody likes to be criticized. In fact, anybody can criticize. A good partner will offer solutions instead of criticism.
21. You are equals
It doesn’t matter who earns more money, it doesn’t matter who takes on more household chores, it doesn’t matter who puts the gas in the car. You’re both EQUALS, PARTNERS, in the truest sense of the word.
22. Compliment each other
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Whether you like her new hairstyle or you like how his tie brings out the color of his eyes, tell your partner that. But NEVER go for false compliments. It’s irritating and annoying, and frankly, disrespectful.
23. Respect each other’s family and friends
Family and friends were there even before you came into the picture. So learn to accept their role in your partner’s life and come to terms with it, even if you don’t like them. You hardly spend a handful hours or a handful of days in their company. Just go with the flow.
24. Know when to keep quiet
As much as communication is important in a relationship, keeping your mouth shut is also important, if not more so. Learn to use your discretion.
25. Respect space and time
Giving your partner the time and space they need, from time to time, is the best thing you can do for them. If they do want your company, they know where to find you.
26. Dress up; take pride in how you look
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Just because you’re in a relationship or married, doesn’t mean you have to stop putting in effort to look good. It’s not like you got a free pass to always lounge around in your sweats.
27. Good personal hygiene – MATTERS!
Unkempt hair, bad body odor, unclipped toenails, bad breath – poor personal hygiene is a mood killer like no other. Take care of that, for God’s sake!
28. Pettiness won’t get you anywhere
As mentioned above, you’re not in kindergarten anymore. So stop being petty.
29. Be independent
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You may be a part of a unit, a team, now that you’re in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fully dependent on your partner for certain things – like doing the laundry, cooking a meal, making a bank deposit and so on. You are first and foremost, an individual. Then, you’re part of a team.
30. Be polite
Politeness and good manners never hurt anybody. Yelling at little things, not helping your partner around the house, forgetting to feed the cat – are all, decidedly, NOT polite. So have good manners.
31. Money is important too
As much as you love your partner, your spouse, your girlfriend, you CANNOT survive on love alone. You need money for that. So be responsible with money. After all, it doesn’t grow on trees, however much you might wish it were so!
32. Remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’
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You don’t want to take your partner for granted. That would NEVER end well. So take care to say your ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous.’ It’ll earn you brownie points – solid ones!
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33. Throwing in the towel seems easy
It’s a relationship you’re in; so there are bound to be moments where you want to quit it, give up on it, and even walk out. Sure, that’s an option if you think it’s just not working out. But have you considered all sides and aspects of your relationship before doing so? You should. You’ll get insights into your relationship that you never dreamed of.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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