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Why Using Sex As A Weapon In Relationships Is A BAD Idea

So you think sex is the best weapon in your arsenal, huh? Think again. Before you use sex as a weapon for a second time, we want to warn you about a few things!

Exploiting sex to get your significant other to do the dishes or clean the house or allow you to buy whatever you want, can backfire. Some people go a step further. They threaten their partners of taking sex out of the equation if a habit of theirs displeases them! Have you done this to your mate? If yes, you, my friend, are guilty of using sex as a weapon!

I won’t be a hypocrite here. Like most people, I know how powerfully sex or the idea of it can be manipulated to get whatever you want from your partner and your relationship. But, trust me, withholding it or bribing your lover with it, will only reap sour fruits!

Suggested read: 10 compelling reasons why having sex with a guy changes the whole relationship

Sex as a destructive weapon!

couple in bed (10)_New_Love_Times

Image source: Shutterstock

Sex is a darn good weapon, there is no denying that! There are drawbacks, however, some of which can ruin your relationship for good! Using sex as a quick fix to a prevalent problem will ultimately lead you on to a dead-end.

If you still want to use sex as a personal gizmo to wangle your partner into giving you what you want, prepare for the consequences. The next time you trade your body to get something done (it sounds harsh, I know, but what is it, if not that?!), think about the following cruel certainties:

1. You are sending across a really bad message about your standards to your partner!

This is, undoubtedly, the worst part about using sex as a tool. If and when, you show someone that you use your body as a weapon to get what you want, you send across a message about the low standards of your self-respect.

Your S.O. is sure to look at you in a different light after they realize what you have been doing so far, and subconsciously, they will lose respect for you. So stop doing this, at least for your own sake!

2. You are not meeting the issue head-on

couple in bed_New_Love_Times

Image source: Shutterstock

When one uses sex as a temporary-fix for serious issues in a relationship, they never get to the core of the problem that they are facing. Using sex to “resolve” problems only helps in pushing the issues out of the way by making love! And so the problems stay there, stacked in one corner, until you both fight again, and these resurface in an uglier and fouler way than before!

3. Sex will not help you solve anything!

Because whatever it is that is leading you to use sex as your weapon of choice is not getting addressed in the process. Yes, it is as complicated as it sounds! Whether you are using sex to get over an argument or because of your S.O.’s unsupportive nature, YOU ARE NOT PATCHING UP ANYTHING.

4. Believe it or not, it will lead to more fights!

couple arguing_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

This is a corollary of the previous point, if you think of it. Since the sex is not solving anything, it will only put the issues that are bothering you, on hold. Though you are too busy with all the action between the sheets to care right now, things are bound to build up all over again, and explode once and for all.

Not only are you going to have a big blow-up with the anger that has been suppressed so far, but you will also create new fights. Your partner will, sooner or later, realize that you say “yes” to or initiate sex only when you want something in return. This will hurt them bad, and when they react in a bitter manner, you are the only person to blame.

Suggested read: 12 amazing tips on how to improve your sex life

5. The sex will not be appreciated as much!

Your partner is not going to be glad about the love you make to them, once they realize you do that to earn something in return. They are most likely to feel cheated, as your feelings for the act are not as pure as theirs.

The whole idea of using sex as your weapon or a bargaining tool will remove the joy that comes from having sex, of sharing such physical intimacy with your partner. Not just that, it will dampen your partner’s self-esteem as they will recognize that you don’t desire them, but long for something that you want in return for sex. Nobody can, not get hurt, after comprehending this!

6. You are using the sex-move against yourself too!

Whoa!!! Wh-a-a-a-t?!

Yes, you read that right! Who, in their sanest minds, would deprive themselves of sex, or compel themselves to have sex, just to prove a point or win an argument or get something done?!

Not only are you harming your partner with this habit of yours, by say, withholding sex or offering it in return for something, you are also breeding in you the feeling of resentment towards them. How? Whenever your partner says no to something, despite the sex, you will feel deprived, and the feeling of bitterness towards them is sure to develop. This will invariably lead to incomprehensible issues in your relationship, and that is not a good sign.

7. Your partner will expect sex as a reward, and when you don’t give it to them, they will be disappointed!

couple in bed_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Your S.O. should do things for you because they love you and care for you, and not because if they do it, they are sure to get laid! And you are the one who has put this mentality into their heads that an A can get them some action.

When you use sex as your weapon, you create a reward system. Naturally, your partner will get upset and even angry when you don’t comply, even after they do something for you. This is all your doing, and so you have no right to get mad at them for thinking this way.

8. Your partner won’t learn anything!

Using sex as your weapon will only teach your S.O. that they can easily have sex by doing what you want them to do, in that moment! So you are not teaching them anything about what it is that they are doing wrong. You are also not adding any value to your relationship in any way.

Communication plays a vital role in every relationship, especially romantic. It helps you in really teaching your S.O. to not do things that you dislike, for their own good. They also learn about what it is that makes you happy. You should not use sex as your mechanism to train your lover!

9. You yourself won’t enjoy sex as much!

couple dissatisfied with sex_New_Love_Times

Image source: Shutterstock

You too should have sex coz you love your partner and care for them. You should have sex because you want to, and so does your partner. But when you start using sex as a mere weapon, you will see it as a means to get what you desire. You will not be able to look past that. This will definitely take the joy away from the act of making love.

You will begin to see your partner as a chore that you need to sort out, or an errand you need to run. You won’t be able to connect with them on the emotional or spiritual levels because the level of intimacy will be really low. When sex stops being fun in a relationship, and looks more like a punishment, that relationship is going down, baby, and no one can save it!

10. Sex as a weapon flings a block into the dynamic of the relationship you have built so meticulously! 

This rings truer if you have just started using sex as your weapon. If you are in a relationship where sex is a healthy routine that the two of you are comfortable with, withholding it to get something will disrupt the cycle, and throw you both off balance.

Your partner is sure to wonder if you are having second thoughts about this relationship. They won’t be able to understand why you are resorting to such maneuvers. It will effectively ruin the healthy dynamic of your relationship.

Suggested read: Why sex before marriage is not good, but a GREAT idea!

Though most of us use sex as the best weapon in our cache against our partners, we need to stop and think about what we are doing here. Aren’t we harming our relationship in the long run?

People, who use sex as their weapon, are striving to turn intimacy into warfare, without even realizing it. Manipulating or trying to coax your partner will only serve to push them farther away from you until they are completely out of the picture. Sex is a great gift, as it is not only a physical, but also an emotional and spiritual communion. You need to enjoy it! Cherish the love, and respect it. Sex is what makes your relationship unique among all the other relationships that you share. I hope you recognize that.

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Article Name
Why Using Sex As A Weapon In Relationships Is A Bad Idea
Before you use sex as a weapon in your relationship, we want to warn you about a few things!
Riya Roy

Riya Roy

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.” This Isaac Asimov line, embraces my love for writing in the finest and most desperate way that it is and should be! I was tormented by the earnestness of the written word not very early in my journey. But once smitten, it has helped me devour life twice over; savoring the moment and indulging in its memories. As a flâneuse, I wander to understand the intricacies of human relationships. Realizing that, they are just different manifestations of the same feeling of love, has been my greatest learning. I seek to share its opulence through the words I type.