You have earned that coveted degree, landed a dream job and are happy. But BAM, here begins the whole avalanche of ‘why won’t you just get married already? All your friends are..’ dialogues from everyone around- beginning right at home from your parents to the pesky relatives and even the ‘yaad hai, hamare colony mein vo Sharma aunty rehti thi jab tu teen saal ki thi, unhone bhi puccha teri shaadi ke liye’ – I mean…WTF! Not to forget, they will cook up all kinds of bizarre reasons for you to say YES too- from your younger sister coming of age to the emotional lash in ‘we’re getting old!’ But don’t you cave…
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There are a zillion reasons to NOT get married. And here are the most awesome ones:
1. Coz sharing the couch and pizza is asking for too much…
2. And you do not want dirty socks to follow you around your home- even if your own stoles and shoes do!
3. You can CHOOSE to do the laundry- or not.
4. Not to forget the marriage=toilet seat never the same again!
5. Enjoying a meal for two all by yourself is a pleasure unparalleled.
6. So is having the whole bed to yourself.
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7. TV remote is exclusively yours’! Bliss!
8. You don’t have to worry about things like shaving, farting, burping or even creating those awkward frictional noises when you move over from a place you have been at- coz hello, a coffee-chugging couch potato stays put!
9. Also, no checking to see if your armpit or mouth smells!
10. No need to make the bed each morning.
11. And no icky thoughts about where the soap has been!
12. You don’t have to save hot water for the spouse- so yay! Long, hot showers!
13. You don’t have to answer stuff like ‘where were you’ and ‘are you really gonna wear THAT?’
14. Burning the food=ordering in pizza.
15. No curfew. No tantrums. No complaints. And no accountability. Yep, it’s called FREEDOM.
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16. You can have your friends over whenever you like or go out whenever you want!
17. No need to share wardrobe space.
18. You don’t have to hear the same old work saga everyday and pretend you care!
19. Whatever you choose- when you are out shopping or home listening to music or simply picking a movie to watch- there’s nobody to give you an eye-roll. Ahh- the no-judgement bliss!
20. Nobody yells when you forget to flush. (I said, forget..we know you do!)
21. No in-laws…and this one does not even require elaboration!
22. Sweatpants? Oh yes!
23. Vibrators never mispoke! 😛
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24. All the money you will save- and you cannot deny this one!
25. Plausible vacation spots are all yours’ to pin in or kick out…
26. You will never have to trade in your shopping trips for a stay-at-home India vs Pakistan match!
27. You can carry work home or not- coz you don’t have ANY work when you get home!
28. The only birthday you got to celebrate is yours’ and nothing beats that, right?
29. No reason to marry is good enough for you to jam hard on the brakes for your career.
30. Plus, you live where you want- coz you don’t have to worry how long your spouse has to commute…
31. You will always, always find things exactly where you left them.
32. Cooking is an adventure and not a chore.
33. Nobody is going to call you out for banging the car into the garage door.
34. You always know how much money you have on you and in the bank…
35. You never have to delete your internet history or hide some item under another in your shopping cart!
36. You can stream R-rated stuff all you want and not have to look over your shoulder each time a slight noise trickles in.
37. People’s perceptions will always be favorable- coz losing your job will be unemployment and not irresponsibility. As shall your fashion sense be eccentric and not have-you-lost-it!! 😛
Image aource: Pretty52
38. You may or may not go to bed…
39. You can be messy- coz, hello bad hair days are REAL!
40. Bra, no bra- pajamas or no pajamas- who cares!
41. You have nothing to lie about- not even when somebody asks whether they are looking fat and they, most definitely, are!
42. If you say yes to marriage, soon all your other single friends will follow suit and then , all of you’d always be with your spouses and not each other! <apocalypse alert>
43. You can never make peace with odd dude belongings- you like pink!
Image source: idiva
44. No reason to wrack your brains for new excuses on slip-ups. You can kick yourself though, for forgetting that project deadline.
45. Licking the spoon and stirring again is perfectly okay!
46. Because a wedding isn’t candy crush. we can stop the freakin’epidemic. Really.
47. A maid having quit or fallen sick isn’t a legit reason to get home a wife! No, thank you!
48. Because Facebook is overflooding already…and so…
49. …I am thinking the government shall ban it soon…
50. And also, Shahrukh Khan is taken!
Image source: Desinema
Which of these is your reason not to have a wedding?
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