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8 Things I Want To Tell Men Who Indulge In Makeup Shaming

I love to hear about dates, in excruciating detail. What- good or bad- they make for great stories and given what I do for a living, you can’t really blame me for loving my bread and butter, can ya?

Anyhoo, so I am out with the guys and I am pestering them to give away the highs and lows of their dating pool when a wanker Adi brought along for some Godforsaken reason says something that made me want to do worse than throw my martini in his face. In case, you are wondering, it was an obnoxious version of ‘makeup is why you take her swimming on a first date’ saga! Before I could retaliate, the makeup shaming game was sucked up into an even larger sexist black hole of body shaming- to which end, swimming would help again, joked the b*stards!

Suggested read: 20 ways you risk unhealthy skin in your 20s

Now, now- while I am no uptight b*tch and can laugh my way through the d*ck and vajayjay jokes equally, this shaming business really gets me riled up. A matter of personal choice, I don’t really get why otherwise fabulous guys (some of them are my buddies, so I can vouch for that) turn into fuss-pots for the hours a girl puts into looking a way she wants to.

no makeup look_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pinterest

If popular culture wasn’t doing enough to propagate ‘ideal’ body images that most women are deluded by,  these guys aren’t being any helpful either. Douche bags that they are, with double standards that stare you right in the face when a VS runway gets their man meat doubled but a real woman with an equally bold lip and lush lashes gets the ‘swimming’ joke for, they simply need to cut the crap.

And here’s why:

1. It has got to nothing to do with ‘false advertising,’ unless you are a d*ckhead

makeup hacks_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pinterest

I hate the label ‘false advertising.’ If I ever met the idiot who coined it, I’d ask him what is ‘false’ about the whole thing. I mean we never denied we were wearing makeup. Whateven made him think that we were passing off the perfect sculpted red we wear on our lips as natural! And if he thought that we were capable of having shimmery gold eyelids, well, then, it’s not my fault that he is smashing his pea-sized brains out in thinking I was some distant cousin of Edward Cullen!

2. Every babe that gets you playing with yourself is wearing a truckload of it

kim kardashian4

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Let me get this straight, it’s okay when the women you find drop-dead gorgeous (yes, the women who have a train of stylists, makeup artists after them, not to mention, Photoshop peeps who are paid big, fat wads to touch up their skin and make it flawless)  do it- but not quite cool if women who walk and talk around you do it? Get over it, you hypocritical schmuck!

3. Makeup is something we do for us

woman applying makeup

Image source: Shutterstock

Now, c’mon- you gotta be giving yourself way too much importance if you thought our makeup time was an investment for returns from you! It’s just plain fun- not to mention an art we like to think ourselves maestros at. There’s an unparalleled high we get from sultry, seductive eyes one night and soft, playful ones the next! You’d know- isn’t it the thing you are doing with glitter beards right now?

4. We have zero f*cks to give for your ‘trust issues’

If makeup brings about trust issues for you, we have only one thing to say- you have got issues. Ever think about therapy?

5. Well, it does make us look good (which admit it already, you like)

eye makeup

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Like I mentioned earlier, choosing to mask our breakouts or dark circles is really none of your f*cking business. We may choose to reach out for that concealer one day or skip it altogether over the next week. You are nobody to judge. When we do use makeup, it is to feel and look good- and if you covertly like it (which we know you do), grow a pair and bump up that overt admission!

6. Men wear makeup too

Superman, Batman and even the football player you root for wears makeup. So, if they have no problems fluffing and powdering and preening, I don’t see why you should be anti-makeup!

7. You’d wear it too, if you could

I would have loved to lead with this- but now that we are here, here’s the deal- we all know you’d contour your d*ck too, if you could- it would make it look bigger and fuller! 😉

Suggested read: 10 easy steps to get that natural no-natural look

8. We are beautiful, with and without


Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

And finally, if the outside matters so much to you- whether we are covering our blemishes with a handpicked assortment of our favorite makeup items or simply choosing to sport our natural face with a smile and you are judging us either way- you aren’t worthy of knowing us on the inside anyway!

Yes, I am making Adi read this! And he agrees! Told ya, he’s great. :)

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
8 Things I Want To Tell Men Who Indulge In Makeup Shaming
Stop with the makeup shaming!
Sejal Parikh

Sejal Parikh

"I'm a hurricane of words but YOU can choose the damage I do to you..."