What is the first thing you do after coming out of a failed relationship? Just like millions of other people out there, I have been in and out of love quite a few times. Though, instead of sobbing over my broken heart or drinking my sorrow, I always try to contemplate a little.
Why didn’t it work out this time?
Suggested read: The full guide on how to breakup with someone you love
I always ask myself this question after knowing that I have given my all to that relationship. There are plenty of reasons for a relationship to not work out. The two of you could be poles apart or too alike. Sometimes, we sabotage our own relationship and don’t allow ourselves to be happy, while there are times when it’s just not meant to be. Though, one of the major reasons for any breakup or split is our behavior of holding on to our past.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Essentially, when you walk into a new relationship, you should be wiping the slate clean. Too often, we let the ghost of our past relationships ruin what we have. Deep within, we compare our partner with the one that got away and let that endless trail of “what ifs” and “buts” to ruin our relationship. Though, even after starting your relationship from a fresh perspective, you should take one step at a time. Every relationship coach will tell you how important it is to go to bed with a healthy piece of mind. If you put an end to your day by holding a grudge against your partner, you would never be able to welcome something new and exciting in your life.
Starting a new relationship with a fresh perspective is of utmost importance. But having a clean slate approach when you are with your partner is certainly the best way to attain a sustaining relationship. Love is not as complicated as we think it is. If you are able to love your partner with the whole of your heart, then nothing else can come in your way. People make mistakes. Chances are that you must have done something wrong in your past as well, but you are not that same person anymore. The same thing applies to your partner as well. Just because they did something in the past, it doesn’t mean that you can label them for that one mistake for the rest of their life.
You can’t let a single incident define the entire course of your relationship. This is not what love is all about. As a relationship coach, I highly recommend you to forget whatever your partner did in the past. Love them in the present tense – for who they are, and not for who they were (or will be in the coming years). Everything else would be taken care of in its own way.
It will help you forget your past.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Even if you had a terrible past, you would be able to cherish your present without getting haunted by it. You will create new and everlasting memories with your significant other without compromising with anything at all. Letting go is one of the most integral parts of our lives. You are required to let go not only of another relationship, but of the person that you used to be in the past as well. You have to change with your partner and forgive them for what they did. Everyone makes mistakes, but moving past those mistakes is what matters the most. Without really having a fresh perspective, you won’t be able to forget your past.
You would learn to overlook your partner’s flaws and past mistakes.
You are supposed to argue with your partner. This might surprise you, but having discussions and arguments with your significant other is a good thing. It helps the two of you to grow and surpass a problem. It makes you realize how strong your relationship can be. Without forgetting their past mistakes, you would never be able to accept them for who they are. Deep within, you would always judge them for some or other thing and this would never let you attain a perfect balance in your relationship. Wiping the slate clean will help you focus on the good part without acknowledging their flaws. You would start giving them the benefit of the doubt and will see the silver lining in your relationship.
You won’t invest your time holding a grudge or having any irrelevant grievances in your relationship.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Life is just too short to hold grudges. You can’t invest all this time trying to find some or other kinds of flaws in your partner. Instead, you should try to come up with different ways to love them. Value them for who they are and try to make the most out of your time. Life is pretty uncertain and what you have right now might all be gone tomorrow. A fresh perspective will make you value your relationship. As a relationship coach, I know how fragile life can get at times. No one likes to spend their whole life regretting about the things they never did or the words they never said. Don’t let a life-changing opportunity pass you by, just because you were unable to take a leap of faith.
You will start discussing rather than arguing.
Every couple in this world has a peculiar fighting style. Some argue constructively, while others simply let silence create a vacuum in their relationship. Instead of arguing with your partner, start having a discussion. Take turns while speaking and listen to their side of the story as well without letting a past mistake cloud your judgment. Things can really be different this time. Take a step back and forget about what happened in the past. Just listen to them and try to see your world from a whole new pair of eyes.
You won’t hurt your partner.
Every time you judge them for something they did in the past or bring back an old spat in your present, you lose a part of their trust. Your significant other would never be able to have a blind faith in you, knowing that you would always judge them. Not only it can create some serious damage to your relationship, but might break your partner’s heart as well. They would start underestimating themselves, knowing that they would never be enough for you. Your judgmental behavior will create an invisible wall in your relationship and will never let you cherish what you already have.
You won’t look for any kind of leverage or an upper hand in the relationship.
Image source: Flickr
Every relationship coach will let you know of this golden rule – it is all about treating your partner as an equal. The moment you think that your partner is somehow less important, you would lose them for sure. If you think that by bringing back an old incident, you can have a kind of leverage in your fight, then you are wrong. You would be able to make your partner vulnerable or might have an upper hand in your relationship for a while, but it would never lead to a productive behavior. Instead of relying on you, your partner would become more distant.
Gradually, they would start keeping secrets from you till those secrets will become their entire life. They will create a whole new life for themselves without having you in it and will finally burn all the bridges connecting the two of you. Do you really want your relationship to end like this?
It will help you keep things private.
Your relationship is not supposed to be a public affair. Even when the two of you are having a rough patch, it should never become a matter of interest for others. Frankly, most of the people won’t be bothered by it at all. Wiping the slate clean will help you determine the kind of things that should always be kept private.
After a while, you would feel more liberated, knowing that you made the right decision. Your partner would be able to see a prominent change in your life and it will help the two of you to attain a sustainable bliss in your relationship.
Suggested read: Essential lessons to take away from your first breakup
It will let you start over.
Most significantly, you would be able to give your story a second chance – and that too with the same person. How many people in this world get a chance to fall in love with their soulmate all over again? You would be able to do that and so much more by forgetting your past and liberating yourself from it.
Each and every morning would bring something new to you. You would fall in love with your significant other all over again and that too in a whole new way. You won’t have any regret and would be able to live each and every moment of your life with the one you love. Give it a try and you would be able to see a significant difference in your life. Love is supposed to be unconditional. It is supposed to be infinite. Don’t confine yourself in boundaries. Be more. Be vast. Be infinite.
You can have it all!
Featured image source: Tumblr