What Your Favorite Bollywood Stars’ Dating Profiles Look Like

by Sejal Parikh · September 15, 2015

Uh oh, your wingman/wingwoman has had their wings clipped and you are flying solo!

No worries! You have your smartphone coming to the rescue, right?

One tap, two taps, and a few more taps, and you are scouring through dozens, nay, hundreds of dating profiles for finding that ‘potential partner.’

But if a few swipes could get you your dream man/woman (guys read Deepika Padukone, and girls, well, Sidharth Malhotra), why would anybody with a smartphone be constantly swiping until their fingers are swollen from the futile exercise and their eyes shot from the sleeplessness of lonely nights, huh!

But what if Deepika was on Tinder? What would her dating profile look like?

What if Siddharth was on Match.com? What would his dating profile read?

What would the dating profiles of any of those Bollywood celebrities who seem to have the ‘entire package’ put on display?

Your brain wanders, and you think…

Maybe the dating profile of…

1. Ranveer Singh

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Man Country India

Seeking a Woman State Maharashtra

Age 30 City Mumbai

Looking for No Strings Status Always single and ready to mingle

Pros

Umm… did I not show my well-oiled body enough in Gunday and Ram Leela? <wink>
I do the best dandruff dance in the business
I am like Santa Claus on Prozac – an Everready battery – Chalte Jaye, chalte jaye, chalte jaye <if you get the drift> 😉

Cons

I do bromance better than romance
I do the best dandruff dance in the business
Expect to do the REX, coz well, energy! 😛

Bio

I can slay all ladies with my raw sexual magnetism. I think I’d give Barney Stinson legen-wait for it-dary competition, or maybe, no competition at all, coz, I’m awesome! 😉 Also, if you want to date me – be forewarned – I have a thing for florals and we might end up wearing the same prints on most dates!

Income

I am still up and coming, but I made it to the 100-Crore club last year, so I guess we’ll be good! 😉

Hobbies and Interests

Dance, romance, bromance!

2. Deepika Padukone

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking a Man State Maharashtra

Age 29 City Mumbai

Looking for Relationship Status I am not saying #MyChoice

Pros

Always on the paparazzi’s radar
Duh uh, I am beautiful
And I do everything as per #MyChoice

Cons

Always on the paparazzi radar
If you date me, we’d be ‘just good friends’

Bio

My choice whether to date you or dump you. My choice to date you and to never come clean and own it in front of the media. #MyChoice Also, you must know that if you are dating me, your career/business/status might crash – it just happens. At times, it extends to the family as well. <sigh>

Income

I make a lot of it, a lot.

Hobbies and Interests

Badminton, cricket *cough* IPL, fitness, couture, and oh, 100 Crore blockbusters

3. Priyanka Chopra

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking a REAL man State Maharashtra

Age 33 City Mumbai

Looking for Love Status Single

Pros

I am a strong, independent woman
Confident and intelligent too
I am rich
And it doesn’t hurt that I held the Ms. World title before I got some surgeries done right!

Cons

I am not afraid to call you out when you err
And I am difficult to woo

Bio

Suffice it to know that if my mega-success, fame, and power intimidates you, you don’t have a chance. None at all.

Income

I don’t know you enough to tell you THIS!

Hobbies and Interests

Acting, singing, dancing, fitness, and of late, international projects!

4. Salman Khan

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Man Country India

Seeking a Woman State Maharashtra

Age 49 City Mumbai

Looking for Serious Commitment Status Evergreen single

Pros

I am not commitment-phobic coz ek baar jo maine commitment kar di toh phir main apne aap ki bhi nahi sunta
I am a virgin 😉
And oh, I make careers!

Cons

I might be difficult to get – kyunki main dil mein aata hun, samajh mein nahi
I can be a stage-5 stalker
I am a virgin <lump that>

Bio

I am looking for that one woman who, too, can prove ‘ki usne ek baar jo commitment kar di toh phir toh vo khud ki bhi nahi sunti.’ Coz, jeene ke hain chaar din… and I don’t want to die a virgin. 😉

Income

Hehe… itni k confusiya jaoge… k ab kis pe kharch karein…

Hobbies and Interests

Drinking, driving, and doing all that together – with a few diversions!

5. Sonakshi Sinha

Image source: Instagram

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking a Man State Maharashtra

Age 28 City Mumbai

Looking for Love Status Single

Pros

I am Sonakshi Sinha

Cons

I am Sonakshi Sinha
*Khamosh*

Bio

I have zero tolerance for numbskulls who have nothing better to do in life than judge people and belittle them. And believe you me, this Dabangg lady does not take that kind of s*it lying down. On the other hand, if you are an open-minded, intelligent, and genuine guy who loves selfies and Dubsmash, let’s meet for ‘chai,’ shall we?

Income

Substantial

Hobbies and Interests

Selfies, Twitter, Dubsmash, and well, of late torturing kids and adults with my singing!

6. Alia Bhatt

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Girl Country India

Seeking a Guy State Maharashtra

Age 22 City Mumbai

Looking for A casual relationship Status Confused

Pros

I am cute
I am good at GK. No, seriously! Why won’t you believe me?!
And I don’t deliver flops

Cons

None – ‘main apni favorite hoon’ <girly grin> <smug swag>

Bio

If you are looking for beauty with brains, your search stops here. It doesn’t get better than this. #Shaandaar <any reason for publicity>

Income

I am beginning to rope them in – the wads of green, I mean! But I just bought a house and a few encyclopedias!

Hobbies and Interests

Couture, makeup, fitness, and dancing. Yes, following Kareena Kapoor Khan too!

7. Ranbir Kapoor

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Man Country India

Seeking a Woman State Maharashtra

Age 32 City Mumbai

Looking for Elusive love Status Occasionally single

Pros

I’m handsome
I’m handsome
And to top it off… I’m handsome!

Cons

Some might say I’m a player
I usually can’t take a dump without the paparazzi covering it
I’m a momma’s boy; if you can impress her, you’re in *wink*

Bio

I come from a long line of actors/directors/filmmakers, with every drop of my blood screaming “Go, Hindi movies”! Although I’ve been linked with all my female costars, I’ve acknowledged just one serious relationship. Dates with me would be at exotic locations, and they would be eventful, if you catch my drift. But one thing I can’t guarantee is that your pic would be kept out of the tabloids *cough* bikini pics *cough*.

Income

Let’s just say it’s substantial

Hobbies and Interests

Gymming, beautiful women, and cats! <ahem ahem>

8. Kangana Ranaut

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking NOTHING State Maharashtra

Age 28 City Mumbai

Looking for unsure Status Single

Pros

I can own up to my shortcomings and work on ’em until they vanish
I have a National award in my kitty – coz acting chops!
And beauty and a sense of humor count, right?

Cons

My independence and strong beliefs might rub you the wrong way
I don’t give a f*ck what you think about me or about what I do
I might sometimes wear weird stuff, but again, I don’t give a rat’s a*s

Bio

TBH, this online dating thing is lame. I don’t need a relationship for validation of my self-worth. I let my actions speak for itself. Spare yourself the bother.

Income

I make more money than any other lassie in the business

Hobbies and Interests

Crushing the egos of those misogynist ba***rds

9. Anushka Sharma

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking a Man State Maharashtra

Age 27 City Mumbai

Looking for Marriage Status Committed

Pros

I am tall and beautiful and have finally proven my acting chops without a Khan

Cons

I have duck lips *lip job gone wrong*

Bio

I am a simple girl with a simple desire to marry a simple guy living a simple life, filled with love and happiness. Simple, isn’t it?

Income

It’s okay, okay?

Hobbies and Interests

Of late, cricket, cricket, and more cricket!

10. Sonam Kapoor

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I am a Woman Country India

Seeking a Fashion forward Man State Maharashtra

Age 30 City Mumbai

Looking for Relationship Status It’s complicated

Pros

I have a rich dad
I have great taste in fashion
I am Khubsoorat

Cons

I have a big mouth that doesn’t know when to stop throwing up words
I have a rich dad – call me the pampered princess type and you wouldn’t be wrong
I’d probably love my Vera Wangs, Jimmy Choos, and H&M’s more than you. Strike out probably, I definitely will

Bio

I just got my nails done – so can we talk about this – I just can’t type!

Income

I spend mine in a week’s time – so my dad takes care of my bills for the rest of the year

Hobbies and Interests

Clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, makeup, and if space be, men!

(yes, that’s it, you think)… their dating profiles would look like this! 😉

But they aren’t coming online for love, are they? No matter if nobody could love Ranveer the way you would…

…so, back to swipe left, left, left, left, left, wait… what… no, left, left, left… Phew! :/

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Summary