Sex education? Well, most of us had that in school. But did they really teach us things that we would actually need to know in real life; the applicable, practical things? Well, much like the other subjects, eh?! 😉
Yea so, to fill that gap up, we’ve covered some awkward sex things that no one tells us about; the things that f*ck us up (quite literally)!
1. Having the Os!
You will have to fake it. Every Single Time. Well, almost!
2. Not making it despite faking it.
Image source: theyellowsideoflife
You just need to Google this: How to tell him to stop chaffing that clit (because all he is going to get is not an “O” but an O-uch) without sounding rude!
This is vital because you not having an orgasm is directly proportional to he not being as desirable. At least that’s what he thinks. At least that’s what’s true. 😉 OK, not!
3. There will be a wet spot!
Sorry about that but if you are an OCD like Monica Geller, prepare to wash the sheets right after the explosion!
4. You need to pee immediately after you have done it!
Want a UTI? Try not going to the loo after sex!
5. Boob farts will happen!
Okay, let me explain this. If you attended your Physics “Friction” classes, things will be simpler to comprehend. When two chests come in contact and are rubbed against each other, the drag causes a giant old sensational fart noise! What’s worse: You get used to it!
6. Talking dirty!
Image source: Giphy
You don’t know where and how to start. And once you do launch in, you have no clue where to stop!
7. Sometimes people don’t fit!
It’s okay. Life happens! 😉
Horsy, doggy, and all animals from old McD’s farm are going to come alive now! Also, altering positions does not happen as smoothly as they make you believe! Try a conversation in between. That should help!
Suggested read: Places you’ve fantasized about having sex in that are super-impractical
9. Epic position fails!
The spinning wheel (it’s fictitious, people! Like most of the positions they mention in erotica!), looks easy but is not! Experiments, in this case, don’t come with safety rules!
10. Queefing and undercarriage grumbles do happen!
Image source: Goodreads
Boob fart’s sister, queefing happens when air gets pushed out of the vag! Farts, like men, choose the wrong hole during sex! 😉
11. How to respond to your partner’s eerie sexual preferences?
Image source: Giphy
By asking them to f*ck off? Bazinga!
12. Getting used to the unsexiness of naked bodies!
Going into the kitchen right after making love; baking yourselves your favorite muffins; enjoying them in candle light at the table; and all that while being in your most natural state! Sounds good in a Danielle Steel fiction but in real life? Too much skin show!
13. The lopsided tempos!
The idea of rhythm divine (!) does not cross your mind until you do it! Making love is like making music and I am not referring to Taher Shah’s Angel here!
14. Everybody gets hard!
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Yes, even your buds get engorged and nips get hard; it’s not because of the weather but coz you are getting turned on, damn it!
15. Condoms stink!
Imagine the smell of a tyre factory explosion! Exactly! And that latex smell is going to get tattooed to your body for the next 24 hours. And also that taste, regardless of the flavor! You know what they say, some things can only be learnt from experiencing them!
16. Pubic hair cause rug burns!
No one’s going to tell you this (hence the article, blimey!) but greasy pubes rubbed against each other will beyond doubt cause rash and burns, and that’s not the title track of an upcoming action movie!
17. Longer sex means better sex and other myths!
Image source: youqueen
Marathon sex is a drag because,
- It is not healthy.
- One gets bored after sometime.
- You need to sleep. You have an effin’ meeting tomorrow!
Now do you feel like an expert on sex? Wait, ‘til you actually do it! 😉
Featured image source: cosmopolitan