Intercourse seems to be all the rage today, and most people overcome their initial prudishness and go through a series of random hook ups. Whether the effort pays off or not really varies from person to person, but the results are mostly positive. Besides that, we as a society have toned down on the idea of slut-shaming quite a lot, so we as teenagers and 20-year-olds have way more personal freedom than we did two decades ago. Frequent sex is a choice, just like abstention.
So, if you are hesitating about having sex or have qualms about making your partner wait for sex, do consider the following few perspectives to help come to a reasonable conclusion:
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1. Relationship standards
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There are many who’d rather wait for sex till they get married. While I myself am of the opinion that sex is being treated as far too important an act to wait and ‘savor’ it, it’s a personal choice. Many believe in ironclad commitment being a basic prerequisite for something like intercourse. You might not feel the same way, but it wouldn’t hurt to consider your expectations of a relationship before hopping onto the bandwagon.
There are many who find intercourse degrading, especially when they do it with a guy they’ve met a week ago. Sex to them falls inside their innermost circle of trust, which is why many find it hard to be nonchalant and casual about it. They prefer to wait for the right moment and the right person, while still being practical about it. This is more common than #1 and is an important perspective to consider before you begin some much needed self-reflection.
3. Intimacy breeds attachment
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There are many inclusive of me who’ve grown to fear the very idea of attachment, especially this early in our lives. It’s quite common to step up attachment in a relationship with physical intimacy, which is why people try their best not to rush into it before determining if there’s any actual chemistry between them and their partner. So, if you’re the kind that doesn’t want to feel tied down and feels that a commitment based effort is too much for now, you better make him wait till you don’t hesitate about breaking it off or being vulnerable to him.
Delaying sex with your partner in many cases actually shows that you’re serious about them, and that you want enough time to forge emotional bonds before you completely open up to each other. It can be beautiful, but requires an awful lot of commitment and effort. Choose carefully.
5. It can be disappointing, and lead to an early breakup
By no means should you solely base a relationship on your sex life, but it happens subconsciously anyway. It’s quite possible that you’ll pass up on a great experience because you’re not getting enough of the physical intimacy you might want. Haste makes waste in this case, so try and enjoy the mutual thrill of the chase.
6. Becoming a sex-object
You’re more than a sex object, and while early sex doesn’t automatically mean your partner will see you as a sex-toy, it’s honestly better to give yourself and your partner some time and space to bond properly and see each other as people with vivid qualities and lives before giving into sexual tension. This is one of the weaker reasons, but I’ve seen men count the number of people they’ve slept with (I’m sure certain women do the same). So, if you’re totally fine with the possibility of ending up as a statistic on someone’s list, go ahead.
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7. Why NOT wait?
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It’s not like you’re turning 50 in a year or two, so you honestly won’t be missing out on a lot. Savor the smaller things in a relationship, instead of going on hook-up sprees like so many kids today, and wait for sex.
Do bear in mind that making your partner wait for sex in no way means that he would would stick with you for longer, they might just get fed up and leave. So, make sure to have honest conversations with him, because people have different relationship standards and ideas of commitment. And if they can’t wait for something as inconsequential as sex, then just maybe they’re not worth the effort. Win-win either way.
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