Sex is an elixir to all of life’s problems, but I have no clue why they say “I’m f*cked” when in sh*t!! No one realizes how important sex is to them unless one day it evades you… like… forever! (At least it feels that way!)
The prominent side effect of the lack of sex in your life: constantly rambling with a tendency to over-dramatize every single thing! Ahem ahem, I didn’t let out a secret, did I? 😉
Suggested read: Sexless marriage – the problem and the fix
Though hook up sites are burgeoning like viruses on our computers (!) there are still some of us, who haven’t done it in a while (read: ages!).
So if you are in the same boat as I and suffering a dry spell (literally!), here are 20 things you will instantly get. And if not… may you get it soon(est)! *Wicked grin*
1. Everyone with the stones and the pillars 😉 will suddenly look attractive! All of a sudden, even Sam Tarly will make your V melt! Your taste and tang boundaries are facing a serious question mark at this point!!
Image source: Tumblr
2. Food is a totally sound replacement for sex, eh? Even better if the food is sausage-shaped!!! Think a massive, stodgy, scrumptious hot dog!!!
Image source: Tumblr
3. Everyone’s getting some action between the sheets and it’s pretty evident to them that I’m getting none. Right? Well, that’s at least what you think! All the time!
4. That inner dispute over whether or not you should get in touch with your previous conquests! You compare the shapes and sizes and immediately realize why you left them in the first place.
5. You read up everything on sex available on the net (articles like this one!) because you think you’ve forgotten how to do it!! P.S.: You go incognito while doing the same! 😉
Image source: wifflegif
6. Your answer to every single social invite is a loud “Yes!” Your neighbor’s aunt’s daughter’s husband’s party, and you are invited? Sure as hell, you are going!
7. You have started playing “Can we guess your…” games as an ice breaker!!
8. You have stopped spooning with your pillow because that makes you sad!!!
9. Shaving is not on your priority list anymore!
10. Neither is color or pattern-coordinating your lingerie!
Image source: mouthymag
11. To be honest, you have started buying your smalls from the food mart. “One packet of corn-starch, 2 kilos of potatoes, and 4 undies, please!”
Image source: betterbrascanada
12. You change your bed sheet once in a month because the only wet area is where you cried yourself a pool!
13. You are of the opinion that there is a bad sex karma in your stars!
14. You are metamorphosing into a sexual Benjamin Button. The thought of you naked in front of a man makes you wriggle in disgust!
15. But you unexpectedly get porn. You feel the *feels*! Incognito again!
Image source: Tumblr
Image source: Tumblr
16. You have mastered the art of self pleasure. Hand showers, teeth, hands, portable chargers; you know how to make anything and everything useful!
Image source: Tumblr
17. Your close friend told you recently about a woman who hadn’t been doing it for a long time and her vajayjay closed up! You couldn’t sleep the whole night only to realize later that it was a joke. That hurt more!
18. You have told your mom that you have become celibate to rediscover the goddess in you! But you meant celebrate (To celebrate by frantically pleasuring yourself!!!).
19. You tell yourself it is your choice. Yes, it is. Believe me it is. What’re you smirking at?????
Image source: Tumblr
20. You hate the nuns. Why? At least they get paid for not having any!
Suggested read: 11 sexy hotspots to kiss a woman to arouse her
And finally, you have an epiphany: It will happen when it has to happen. You can keep yourself happy by bingeing on the re-runs of GoT or rearranging your underwear drawer. You are content. You don’t need sex anymore.
*Sees a hot guy outside the window. Can feel the bo*bs defying gravity*
Back to square one! 😛
Featured image source: self
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