Sex is great. There is no denying the fact. Also, it is a completely normal and healthy part of life, so it is only natural that you must want more and more of it all the time. There are a number of unsaid rules about sex that you are obligated to follow, because after all you have to actually do it with someone else for the act to be complete- it’s team work, really.
However, there are some people who haven’t quite perfected the art of intercourse, and needless to say, these are the kind of people who are absolutely the worst to sleep with. These are the people no one ever wants to have sex with. Here are the top 8 from my list:
1. The loudmouth
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It is natural to love it when their partners make some noise to show their appreciation for your talents in bed. However, when you are doing it with a person who is a loud mouth, they are all about the noise and less about what is actually happening. They are ready to make the loudest noises and make the most intense faces and basically deliver a 2 minute performance that is worthy of the Oscars, but you can feel the fakeness of it all, and you are left feeling used and resentful.
2. The eternal virgin
Image source: Tumblr
This might apply to males as well as females. This is the kind of person who is scared of everything, doubts all your moves, thinks you are out to hurt them, and even your post-coital bliss is spoiled by constant expressions of fear and panic.
3. The kind of sex bordering on necrophilia
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This is the kind of person who is satisfied with letting you do all the hard work, while they remain inactive and practically dead on the bed. Not only do they do nothing to give you your share of pleasure, but when you are nice enough to satisfy them, they aren’t even animated enough to respond. They are the reason the existence of blow-up dolls is justified.
4. The bedroom police
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This is the annoying partner who needs everything to be exactly as they want it to be. They tell you what they want, and how they want it, they hand you a rulebook before you actually start having sex and God forbid should you do something they haven’t approved of- you are in for a lonely night from the very next second. It’s like having sex with your high-school principal basically.
5. The unexpected surprises
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Sometimes, you hook up with someone hoping for a nice time…doing something you haven’t done before etc. etc. But as things get hot and heavy, you realize that they have something else planned for you. They scratch, bite, scream, and spring other unexpected (and mostly unpleasant) surprises on you when you are having sex, so that you forget all about pleasure and concentrate on surviving the rest of the ordeal.
6. The eternal suck up
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At first you may think that they are incredibly good at what they do, and they are as considerate about letting you have your own share of pleasure out of the whole experience. However, after some time, you realize that they are just needy, and you feel pressurized because you don’t get what they want in bed. Nagging isn’t very sexy, is it?
7. The selfish lover
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You can’t even call them a lover. The worst kind of sex partners are the ones who orgasm within with the first 5 minutes and leave you dazed and confused, and then later angry and dissatisfied, they fall asleep right after they have been adequately satisfied or push you out of their house after they have used your genitals to their maximum capacity!
Suggested read: 12 most common sex dreams and what they actually mean
8. The postergirl/posterboy for STD
Image source: newscult
I know sometimes things may get hot and heavy, especially when you are inebriated and needless to add, horny, and the person doesn’t matter. However, there are a ton of people who aren’t very particular about their personal hygiene and once you start going south, you tend to doubt whether you are having sex with a person or with a fermented fish.
If you have been victim to any of the above mentioned kind, then I truly feel sorry for you and can only hope that you read the signs before it is too late.
However, if you are one of these sex partners, then I suggest you undergo self-reform immediately for the sake of humanity!
Featured image source: goodhousekeeping