Dating may evoke images of wonderful poems, the late night movies, and the hand-in-hand romantic walks on the beach, but in reality, it is much more than that. Dating is a mutual commitment that two people make and try to uphold, even during tumultuous situations. When you date someone, you don’t just do it to follow the crowd; you do it because your heart won’t settle for anything else.
Though every thirteen-year-old seems to be dating these days, falling and staying in love is really not all that easy. People change their partners at the drop of a hat, which makes me wonder how seriously they date the partners that they claim to love. Even with passionate commitment to a relationship, there are too many of us who succumb to the same relationship mistakes.
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In an effort to help you avoid common pitfalls that lead to these failed relationships, I have put together the Seven Deadly Sins of Dating.
1. Don’t let them control you
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When you are dating someone, you do not need to be submissive. Don’t let someone else get the better of you because you should make it a point to hold on to your identity as a strong, independent person. Dating someone should be a pleasant experience and not something that makes you weak. If you find that your partner is controlling you or demanding too many changes, that should be a huge red flag.
You can rectify the mistake by standing tall and letting go. You are not forced to date anyone. Yes, love makes the world go round, but it doesn’t call for making a complete fool of yourself. Don’t give someone the power to control who you are! You are an amazing, independent individual, and you are unique.
2. Don’t ditch all your friends
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I have seen so many people who ditch all of their friends just to be with the person they happen to be dating at the time. This is definitely one of the seven deadly sins of dating. I do understand that you crave to spend every moment of your time with the person you love, but this comes with its tradeoffs.
Would you like to have friends to support you when you are feeling hopeless, angry or lonely? We all need friends to fill the gap in our hearts. Yes, your partner should be your best friend, but it never hurts to have a larger support system as well. Not only will these non-romantic relationships provide more variety to your life, but they may also end up giving opinions and perspectives to help your romance. Hang out with your girlfriends and even the guys you used to be so comfortable with.
3. Don’t be jealous
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This is one of the biggest blunders which you must avoid at all costs. You should not be overly jealous of your partner. When you are dating, you need to understand that it is not a competition. If you don’t trust your partner and you enter panic mode every time they hang out with a friend, you are definitely doing it wrong.
While you have the right to value each other’s exclusive commitment to one another, your partner is not your property. Give each other the space that you both need and trust your partner enough to come back to you.
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4. Don’t disrespect their privacy
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Do you find yourself spying on your partner, reading texts or emails over their shoulder, or watching them when they don’t know that you are there? This is another big dating mistake that you should avoid. Take online dating, for instance: if you stalk their Facebook or any other social media accounts, look out at every single profile that liked their picture, and stalk their ex’s new partner’s mother’s sister, things have gotten out of hand.
When you keep on spying on your partner, it is going to slowly disintegrate your relationship through mutual distrust and paranoia. This is certainly not how you had envisioned your love life to turn out, did you? Take that leap of faith and give your partner the ability to be who they want to be. There are few things as exhilarating as a partner who trusts!
5. Don’t trust too much or too quickly
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With that said, some of us are too quick to trust. Yes, the basis of any relationship is trust and if you are dating someone, you will have to trust them completely. However, this doesn’t mean you will let them know every single secret on the first date itself. While you may feel a personal connection, first impressions can be deceiving. You definitely should trust someone that you are dating, but not too quickly.
Give yourself a few dates to get the right picture of who they are. Once you are sure that they are the right one for you, you can bare the insides of your heart and let their sweet love heal the scars that kept you awake in the dead of the night.
6. Don’t mistake lust for love
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Sometimes, you are just so hungry for love that you mistake your lust to be something long lasting. The bad news is that lust tends to fade away. It won’t be long before you will look at your partner and wonder why you are even together. You need to take a step back and put your relationship into perspective before it is too late.
Love is more than mere physical attraction. You have to be sure that you can look in the eyes of a person and feel a warm, comforting feeling deep down.
Love is that feeling of mushiness that you get even when your partner is tired and their eyes are barely open, but you can’t wait to kiss them. Love is when you look in their eyes and the rest of the world ceases to exist because it is the only face that your heart remembers. Love is when you spot them in a crowd and somehow your heart calls out and they turn back, sensing your presence. Lust is a connection of two bodies; love is a connection of two souls.
7. Don’t lose your inner self
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Yes, I grew up hearing the age-old adage that love is unconditional and that it demands to give everything rather than seek. However, what these phrases forget to teach us is that, even as you embark on the adventure of love, it doesn’t demand that you change who you are at your core. In fact, true love is embracing your inner self. You can’t love someone else unless you love yourself.
So, look in your mirror and blow a kiss, not to your partner but to yourself. You should never lose who you truly are because the best relationships are the ones where every person becomes the best version of themselves in the presence of their partner. It is easier said than done, but when the bond of love is strong enough to last, you will find yourself becoming the person you have always wanted to be.
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Do you believe the seven deadly sins I listed are the ones that you must avoid? Do you have something different to add? What has been your dating disaster story? Share your hits and misses with us!
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