If the equation ‘your boyfriend = you being single + the restrictions that accompany the ‘commitment’ label’ applies to your life, this is exactly the post that you must be reading. So, let’s get on.
Whether you’ve been dating him for a month, a couple of years or five or even ten, if he does not realize what he has when he has ‘you,’ you’d be better off walking away with dignity. After all, there’s no point in dragging out a relationship that exists merely in name, only for the sake of appearances. Plus, if labels were all that you’d want to go by, wouldn’t it be better if they were Louis Vuitton or Gucci?!? Just saying! Yep, for that smile!! 😉
So, if you don’t feel appreciated and valued enough in your relationship but still trudge along in the one-sided relationship highway due to the fear of a breakup and everything that will tag along, save that last smidgen of self-respect, girl, and break up. (Wo)man up and do it, you are single now too. Want to know why?? Read the writing on the wall, duh – he is already doing things that will make the ‘breaking up’ process you fear easy on you and ‘moving on’ even more so.
Suggested read: 10 questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship
Here are the things that he is already doing that will make you get over him ever-so-quickly:
1. Your ‘alone time’ together is always ‘time for action’
If all he does when the two of you are alone together is getting down and dirty, you have reason to run, NOW. There are more important things in a relationship than satiating his primal urges.
Suggested read: Ways to get intimate with your girlfriend
2. He never makes time for you
Yes, I admit- none of us have time. But everybody makes time for what matters. He can too. And when he isn’t, he is sending out a clear signal. I mean, the conditions will always be impossible babe; if he values you enough, he will do whatever it takes!
Suggested read: 10 obvious signs he wants to get intimate with you tonight
3. You never quite know if you’re on a date or a booty call
Get the distinction clear, date ≠ booty call. Wake up and smell the coffee!
4. Even though he does ‘whatever he wants’ in his time, he is incredibly controlling and jealous about what you do with yours
He demands his ‘space’ and holds himself entitled to taking all decisions pertaining to his life independently. Yet, you find yourself seeking permission/fearful of taking a big step without notifying him and incredibly nervous about upsetting him at every step you take.
Suggested read: Setting boundaries in an abusive relationship
5. He morphs all your attempts to have a mature discussion into ‘guilt time,’ yours!
Any attempts to have a ‘talk’ about the issues that plague your relationship translate into a blame-game, played single-handedly by him. He makes you feel like you are at the root of the problems existing in the relationship. Worse, if his manipulation actually causes you to question yourself and count upon the veracity of his shrewdly twisted facts. Psychological manipulation is a deadly game, my girl. RUN, RUN for the hills.
6. You never quite feel welcome at his place and he makes no attempts to change that
Now, this is almost irresolvable. If his umbilical cord wasn’t snipped off at birth or he doesn’t have the b**ls to stand up to his folks for you, you are better off without this (no)man.
7. He does not defend you in front of friends and family
Defending your beloved is an important ingredient of a healthy and happy relationship. I have often iterated and reiterated upon the importance to take your loved one’s side in front of ‘the others’ even when he/she is wrong. You can tell them about what was wrong later. If he does not understand this key aspect in relationships and proceeds to rebuke, insult or even hurt you in front of others (no matter the offense/transgression/mistake – trivial or significant), he is not worth ‘YOU’ at all.
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8. Your tears/mood swings/anger/hurt do not matter to him
If your tears/hurt/anger aren’t evoking a response or worse, get validated by some form of sexist comment, you have cause to worry. I mean, what more can he do to make you feel easy about dumping him and moving on than showing you he doesn’t care a fig! And ohh, not to forget – the ‘PMS’ing’ excuse! Aaarrgghhh!
9. He has ‘excuses’ for everything you are concerned about
A man whose self-defense guard is always up, is a toxic creature. And you are better off not partaking of his life’s vital vial. It’s poisonous hon. There are other ‘men’ out there who’d become your favorite tipple!
Suggested read: Early warning signs of an abusive relationship
10. He keeps correcting/critiquing your behavior
A person who finds every other aspect of your personality as ‘lacking’ in something will always make you feel you aren’t enough. You don’t need that kind of negativity around you.
Suggested read: 9 stunning scientific reasons why good men cheat
11. You don’t quite feel comfortable being ‘yourself’ around him because hey, you know it’s coming
Tying in closely with the former point, this one is a voice that is coming from within you. You know you are getting divorced from ‘YOU’ by being with him. His habit of making you feel inadequate, inept, and incompetent shall negatively influence your self-worth. And nobody, I repeat, NOBODY is allowed to make you feel bad about being ‘you.’
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12. He has checked/hacked your phone/facebook/mail on occasions more than one
Simply put, this is a breach of privacy. And you know that had you done that to him, he’d have no qualms leaving. Why, then, is your choice still ‘to love’ than ‘to leave?’
13. Physically intimate moments make you feel special and the rest of the times, you feel like just another person in his life
If the only times he looks into your eyes, holds you close, and makes you feel truly cherished are the times a romp in the sack is on the cards, you need to be wary. Respect yourself enough to define how people can or cannot treat you. It is only when you know your true worth that you will stop handing discounts to him.
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14. ‘Expressing love’ seems like Hebrew to him
If expressing his emotions is an alien sentiment to him, send him off to the planet he came from. It is through words and gestures that you forge a bond where silence starts to have a language of its own too. If he isn’t up for the hard work, show him the door.
15. You feel you are the only one holding the strings together
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If you can tick off most/all of these as things that douche bag is doing, it is time to do the dramatic walking away, girl!
I mean, if HE doesn’t like the drama anymore, does not mean you aren’t ‘perfect’ just as you are.
Do it, if not for yourself, for me!! And I will do anything you say or I will tell you I did it. You don’t know me! 😉 😛
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License