Relationships are complicated, and if you haven’t had the right amount of patience, tolerance, and tact, you could very well find yourself in a rut unable to move on when the relationship ends. Breakups are like that; it is totally dependent on the reasons why two people decide not to be together.
So, an ex will always be a person you either want to avoid bumping into, or simply can’t get out of your mind. When there is no in-between, it could be taxing on both of you, and you could say things you didn’t intend to, making the whole situation much more complicated than it already is.
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If you’ve decided to stay in touch with your ex, or happen to bump into them, you may want to keep a log book handy with instructions on what not to say to them. Among the many things that you can actually say to them, you have to be mindful about not hurting them further (if you were the one who broke up), or making things complicated (if both of you have moved on in your lives).
Simply cutting ties with an ex might seem like a juvenile thing to do; it helps if you both live in different cities, but if you know that you’d bump into them often, then, you must consider having a cordial relationship, and one that doesn’t involve unnecessary friction.
Suggested read: What to do when your ex texts you out of the blue
Breakups can sometimes remind you of the good things and make you want them, or they could simply refresh your memory of a horrible past, something you swore you’d forget. So, moving on could become problematic, totally depending upon the reasons you had to get separated. That said, there are some things that you must absolutely not say to an ex to further add to the already existing misery.
1. “I miss you”
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This tops the list of what not to say to an ex because it implies that you still have feelings for them. And letting it out in this manner can be jeopardizing everything you now have restored. Saying you miss them could put them in a state of confusion and not knowing how to react. If you want things to be cordial with an ex, you need to keep it simple yet mature. And saying you miss them is neither simple nor mature of you.
2. “I hate you”
Not a very good thing to say to anyone. Period. Your feelings may be undergoing different stages after a breakup and anger builds into hatred. But should you be telling someone you hate them? We think not. A strong word such as hate can do more harm than good to anyone. Imagine if someone told you they hate you. How would that feel? Keep in mind that sometimes some things aren’t meant to be, and it’s best you accept them as they are. The quicker you learn to do it, the better it is – for everyone involved.
3. “Let’s be friends”
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This probably sums up as the second worst thing to say to an ex. How could you possibly be friends after being involved in a romantic and sexual relationship? It’s beyond me to comprehend that. You can’t just one day act like buddies post your breakup. It’s weird, and let’s not kid ourselves, do you actually become a good friend to your ex after a breakup? Is that even possible? Wouldn’t it be likely that you may still have some feelings for them? So, skip this one, we say.
4. “Let’s hang out”
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So what if we broke up, so what if we are unable to move on, or probably are seeing other people now, let’s hang out for old times’ sake! What the… That sure doesn’t sound right. Spending time with an ex would mean trespassing in simple language. It would mean seeing more of them and reliving something of the past. Trust me, you don’t want to go down this road. This isn’t a way you can be cordial with them.
5.“I’m better off without you”
Sure, throwing some post breakup tantrum will definitely help to keep things cordial with an ex. Not. That line is not just demeaning but it would make you sound like a downright horrible person. What does that even mean? You simply discounted and discredited your entire relationship by saying something like this to an ex. It means that you are an ungrateful douchebag and that you have no respect for yourself or anyone else. In this case, your ex may secretly be thanking their lucky stars for having broken up with you.
Suggested read: The only 10 times texting your ex is okay
6. “My new gf/bf is better than you”
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The comparisons need to stop. Immediately. You don’t want to make another person feel like crap after the time you spent with them. Again, this would be a reflection of your true character and amounts to what not to say to an ex.
7. “Let’s hook up”
Oh no! Sex to avenge your tragedy may be running on your mind, but it isn’t an ideal thing to do. What happens when you are done? Would you get back with each other or simply go back to your respective partners? Hooking up after a breakup may not seem like it would have serious repercussions, but it does. Because it affects you not just physically, but also emotionally. And trust me, you don’t want more of those mental games going on after a breakup.
8. “You were bad/good in bed”
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You may have heard at a girls’/boys’ night out when a broken-hearted soul is trying to recuperate by divulging intimate details about their ex. It’s a way to vent the frustration but saying that to an ex may not be the best thing to do. It’s not just humiliating but it’s also very immature. One of the first rules of intimacy is to keep it intimate or confidential. Discussing how good or bad your ex was in bed isn’t very classy. And it sure as hell isn’t nice to belittle them with that statement.
9. “I’d do anything to get you back”
Some lovers cannot deal with the fact that it’s over. They aren’t the best people to handle breakups and find it extremely tough to move on. No matter what your excuse is, you cannot be saying something like this to an ex. It only makes you look needy, clingy, and not to mention, creepy. Always remember that if you really could do anything to get them back, wouldn’t you have them by your side right now? The fact that they aren’t, should tell you something. Saying things like this to an ex can simply hassle them and get them worried about what a psycho you are turning into. It’s super filmy and ridiculous at the same time.
10. “Can I date your friend?”
So you couldn’t have your ex, and now you want a little piece of their life. Their friend?! Dating an ex’s friend is not the wisest thing to do. Imagine how uncomfortable it will be for the three of you later on. There are certain boundaries that are not meant to pushed or crossed, and dating an ex’s friend would mean that you are crossing that fine line. It will not benefit anyone, and that’s why you must simply scrap the idea out of your mind.
11. “My friends never really liked you”
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Oh, so you waited all this time to tell your ex about how your friends disliked them. Why didn’t you tell them while you were dating them or were with them? Wouldn’t it have been nice for them to know and make amends if they really wanted to be with you? What purpose does it serve now to tell them your friends were a bunch of losers who couldn’t accept them? You’re not only making yourself look bad, but also making your friends look horrible too.
Suggested read: Why texting your ex is a double-edged sword
12. “I wish this never happened”
A little too late for that, isn’t it? If you didn’t like them too much, you should have wished for it in the start. Be a mature person and let it go. Amongst the many things you wish for now and wished for earlier, this could have been your most genuine wish. But there is no point crying over spilt milk, is there? Why would you say mean things to an ex to simply get your frustration out? You could find a better way to vent and saying this to an ex surely isn’t the best way to deal with the situation.
It is pretty hard sometimes to accept that someone is now no longer part of your life. But you can’t force anyone to do anything against their will, and it’s smarter if you accept it sooner rather than later. Healing happens only when you can let go of a few things and by picking on your ex or simply saying these (often hurtful) things to them is not going to expedite your healing process. Your ex will always be special in some form or the other in your life, and to keep it healthy between you both, you must not say these 12 things to them – ever!
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