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What To Do When Your Ex Texts You Out Of The Blue

You are having an amazing day or maybe even a normal one, but then your phone buzzes and you have a text from the person you least expect it from – your ex. Your mood goes from amazing to ‘I don’t know what to do.’ It could have been a while since you both broke up or maybe just a few weeks. But you’re not very sure what to do when your ex texts you. I don’t think anyone is.

You’re probably still mending a broken heart from when the breakup happened. Or maybe you’ve moved on and found it in you to start over again. But messages from your ex will have you thinking or rather over thinking as to what they want. You don’t know what to say or do. Should you make small talk for the heck of it, ignore them or just be straight with them and ask them what they want? Are they just messing around or do they actually want something from you?

Suggested read: Why texting your ex is a double-edged sword

There are plenty of scenarios that play out in your head.

Maybe they miss you


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Don’t jump to this conclusion unless you’re very sure. Maybe they’re having a rough day and miss being around you. Sometimes people can genuinely miss you. This can be tricky because your ex themselves might not know what they’re thinking and feeling. What they could be missing is the fact that they’re not close to you anymore. Or maybe it’s because they are just finding it difficult to move forward. Whatever it is, don’t assume.

They just want to catch up

They just want to know as to what is going on with you. They’re probably wondering as to what you’ve been up to, how your life is going on, and (mostly) because they want to know if you’re seeing someone else. Why else would they ask you so many questions? I’m pretty sure you’d want to know as well. So, that could by why texted you.

They’re sorry

Again, don’t assume too much too soon. Your ex could have many other reasons for texting you, but one of them could be this. They’re sorry about whatever happened and probably want to know if you’ve forgiven them. They want to know if you will want to get back with them, simply because they’ve realized that they were in the wrong. Again, don’t assume before you ascertain all the reasons first.

Booty call time?


Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

When your ex texts you out of the blue, especially if they’re drunk or high, it’s probably because they want to get into your pants. They’ll say all the right things so that they can sleep with you without any commitment whatsoever. If you’re up for it, then it’s your game, but if you’re not, then tell them to back off while you still can. If you’re not sure about it but still say yes, regret and self-loathing will be your companions for a long time to come!

They’re lonely

Your ex probably misses what they shared with you – the level of comfort and intimacy, the unique dynamic. They don’t really want you, but you’re their emotional band aid. Or maybe they just want their ego stroked. They messaged you only to see if YOU still want them so that they can feel good about themselves. They’ll do anything to make themselves feel good and less lonely.

Suggested read: The only 10 times texting your ex is okay


This is another way to boost their ego. Maybe they’ve gotten a new job or a new girlfriend, and they’ve just messaged you to let you know the news. They might pretend to care and ask you all about your life, but then they just won’t stop about how they’ve moved on and how great their life is. They want to get you jealous and make you feel miserable by rubbing in the fact that they have moved on while you may have not. So maybe you shouldn’t really reply to any of those claims that they’re making.

These are the various scenarios as to why your ex might be messaging you. Either they genuinely want to get back with you or they just want to poke some fun at you. But as confusing as these messages may seem, there are ways in which you can tackle this. All you have to do is follow a few steps, and you’re good to go. Read on.

1. Don’t reply immediately

woman texting_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

This is a very important point. When your ex texts you, make sure you let them know that you have a busy life. Always maintain that you’re busy (even if you’re not). Do not pick up their calls at the first go, do not reply to their messages instantly, and make sure your social media (if you’re on it) lets your ex know that you have a life that you’re busy living. This way, they won’t fool around and take your time for granted.

2. Let them know you’re happy

They’re showing signs of being miserable without you and wanting you back. And even if you’re at your desperate and most miserable state ever, don’t let them know. Happiness is the only trait that you need to send signals of. The minute you cry for them and whine about how broken up you are without them, they’ll run away. Happiness attracts people. Period.

3. Portray independence

This is extremely important because even if you’re faking happiness and being busy, your ex might still suspect that you’re dying to be with them. It’s good if you’re not. But even if you are, do not let them know. Don’t initiate too many conversations, and do not, at any cost, let them know that your life is at a standstill since the breakup. Instead, tell them you’re too busy with friends, work, and dates to worry about anything else – even them. That will get their interest all perked up.

4. Appear confident

woman texting_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

This is a must-have ingredient in your contact with the ex. You have to let them know that you are not afraid of talking to them or being with them. Even if you’re nervous to talk to them again or seeing them again, don’t let it show while you’re at it. You can talk about it to your best friend and whoever else you’re comfortable with, but when it comes to your ex, be confident with everything you say and do. Let them not doubt for a second that you’re miserable.

5. Don’t ask too much

This is another mistake that a lot of us end up doing when we talk to the ex. When your ex messages you, it tends to excite you and leave you curious, if not a bit hopeful too. Your ex is curious about your life, but then, so are you. Your job is to not let that curiosity get the better of you. Curiosity can kill, but if you want to get back with your ex or just at least maintain some sort of decorum, hold your horses right there. Talk to them normally and answer their questions. Just make sure you don’t ask too many of them yourself.

Suggested read: Texting too much could be harmful for your relationship

There you go. Now, you know why your ex might have messaged you and how you should react to it. Maybe it was a mutual breakup or maybe they broke it off with you. But they’re back in your life suddenly, and you’re wondering if it’s because they still love you. So play your cards carefully, because this where the assumption game can get ugly if it goes wrong. Getting back with your ex isn’t something to fool around with. No one has that much time to waste, so make sure you’re not wasting yours.

It goes without saying that a breakup is very hard to get over. But what’s more difficult to get over is when your ex barges into your life out of nowhere. At the end of the day, it’s up to you as to how much relevance you give them in your life. So, tread lightly and cautiously and trust your judgment. It’s the best you can do.

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
What To Do When Your Ex Texts You Unexpectedly
When your ex texts you out of the blue, you don't know what to do or say. Don't worry, we've got your back!
Deepika Singhania

Deepika Singhania

A Literature and Media post graduate, Deepika Singhania is a freelance writer, editor and a hardcore feminist. She is an avid reader and a football enthusiast, who loves cooking and traveling along with having a strong affinity for chocolates, Harry Potter, and Bangalore rains.