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‘Your Hands Will Get Pregnant If You Masturbate,’ Warns Islamic Preacher!

In another bizarre follow-up to the Iranian cleric who claimed that promiscuous women are the cause for earthquakes, a Muslim televangelist has issued a rather laughable warning to viewers, in a rather stark intonation.

Mücahid Cihad Han

Mücahid Cihad Han

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Mücahid Cihad Han delivered this sermon on Sunday, May 24, during a live TV interview, stating that any attempt at masturbation shall give you a ‘pregnant hand’ in afterlife!! The Cronenbergian warning came in response to a viewer’s concern that he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah,” a Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca.

Han said that Islam considered masturbation “haram” (forbidden).

“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said, referring to what he claimed to be a saying of Prophet Muhammad. “If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?”

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Mücahid  then advised the man to “resist Satan’s temptations.” In Islam, “Istimna,” (masturbation) is controversial, as there is no clear reference to the act in the Quran. However, it is considered “makruh” (disliked).

Needless to add, the hilarious advice has been mocked heavily on Turkish social media. Some that hit the nail, right on the head were:

“Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?”

“According to Turkish Televangelist Mücahid Cihad Han, Men gonna get Pregnant hands in #Afterlife We all know what #Popeye has been upto!”

Imagine the indignation of millions of men who have been birthing after-life hand progenies without the REAL knowledge about ‘FACTS’ pertaining to masturbation! If only Mücahid Cihad Han had enlightened the world earlier.

Maybe a separate set of people may have come up with some effective ‘protection,’ you know!

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'Your Hands Will Get Pregnant If You Masturbate,' Warns Islamic Preacher
'Your hands will get pregnant if you masturbate,' warns Mücahid Cihad Han, a Muslim preacher! Read the story here.
Sejal Parikh

Sejal Parikh

"I'm a hurricane of words but YOU can choose the damage I do to you..."